Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

feminist? Christian? Pagan? Athiest? Loving partner? Adult?...

if you let someone discipline you?

Well, I know that we *are* all of those things, or whatever else we define ourselves to be. But sometimes, we just need to check in with other people, and be reminded that we're not doing something bad or wrong.

Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby Naughty butt Nice » Sun May 04, 2008 2:14 am

I'm not quite sure how to go about saying everything that has gone through my head and about my feelings. I'm kind of nervous to see the response I will get about this but here it goes.

I am currently 4 1/2 mos pregnant with my 3rd child. During my first pregnancy my husband and I did not practice domestic discipline (I had not realized it was the thing that I was missing/needing in my life). During my second pregnancy we had already started practicing DD, however I knew that my husband did not feel comfortable (for one it was new to us still and we didn't have any of the kinks worked out of it yet) disciplining me while I was pregnant. So, I really had to work through everything on my own. This I felt was more stressful on the pregnancy than if he had just disciplined me (we mainly use spanking as discipline it seems to be the most effective with me and it doesn't take time away from what I need to do with the kids or my rest).

Now that I am on my third pregnancy we have discussed this and both agree that I still need discipline even during my pregnancy, mainly because my acting out is due to stress and that's not good for the baby, however my husband still felt slightly uncomfortable (afaid he would hurt the baby). Although thankfully we have gotten past that. We have had another talk and have decided to not use the heavy paddle during pregnancy. We are using the ping pong paddle, strap, and just plain old hand. We are also doing longer spankings vs. harder spankings (believe me longer can be just as effective if not more effective than hard).

I, however, still feel guilty/ashamed for wanting/needing discipline during my pregnancy. I don't fell that I am doing anything to harm the baby. As a matter of fact I just had another check up and my doctor said that everything looked perfect and that my blood pressure was actually down which is a good thing (I had high blood pressure at the end of my other pregnancy and it caused complications during the delivery). I have looked everywhere for a sight that talked about discipline during pregnancy, but was unable to find one. I was afraid on other sites to even bring up the subject because I was afraid of what others might say. I feel more comfortable here. Nobody seems to put anybody down you all just seem to be supportive of eachother and I find that very refreshing.

I can't really explain where all this guilt/shame is coming from, but I guess not being able to find anybody else out there that wants, needs, or just receives discipline during pregnancy (or at least anybody that admits to it) makes me feel a little...oh I don't know the word I'm looking for...I guess perverse.

Sorry about going on and on about this, but I just needed to talk to someone other than my husband about this. My family just wouldn't understand they are very religious and anything out of the "ordinary" in their mind is just for (as they would put it) "Godless, drugged out, wierdo, freaks" (I heard that phrase a lot growing up). I mean in their minds it is bad enough that my husband has tattooes, an earring in his ear, and smokes, but if he laid a hand on me (more or less some other implement) even be it just to my butt they would freak out. They think of this as either BDSM or abuse (you can't explain anything to them believe me I have tried on many subjects).

Well, I guess I will go for now. I look forward to reading any comments anybody might have about this (even though I am a little worried of what others will think that is why I kind of tested the waters with my intro). Thanks for listening :blush:.
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Re: Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Sun May 04, 2008 9:48 am

i don't know if you have seen the newsgroup soc.sexuality.spanking. it's not really a google group, but they are archived on there, so you can search old posts, and it looks like there have been a few threads about spanking and pregnancy, just for general info. (i linked to one search i did of the group, and the first few hits anyways seem to actually be about spanking and pregnancy, so maybe that will help.)

I can't really explain where all this guilt/shame is coming from, but I guess not being able to find anybody else out there that wants, needs, or just receives discipline during pregnancy (or at least anybody that admits to it) makes me feel a little...oh I don't know the word I'm looking for...I guess perverse.


i totally get that feeling. and i've experienced it about a lot of things. because if you don't find anyone else who is willing to talk about something, then you start to wonder whether there is something wrong with you for having that going on....

it's a struggle, and it does help to have people i can talk to about it. and it helps even more when i've found professional-types (say, therapists) who can listen without judgment and help me (and w) to sort through our process. you might want to do a google search for "kink aware professionals" if you're nervous about bringing this up with your own doctor. or maybe just bite the bullet and tell your own ob/gyn something about what you and your husband do... frame it as "kink" if you want, but say that it does help to reduce your stress levels, but you want to be sure you're not hurting the baby. depending on the doctor, that could be a more or less difficult discussion. w and i have had good luck with our non-(officially, anyways)-kinky therapists.
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Re: Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby Naughty butt Nice » Sun May 04, 2008 12:24 pm

JA,
Thank you for that information. I checked out that link and found it very helpful and relieving. It is nice to know that I am not the only one out there.

I am going to call my doctor Monday and see what he has to say. He seems to be a very open and understanding doctor so I hope he doesn't lecture or condemn.

Once again thanks, I feel alot better. I guess I should have looked under pregnancy and discipline instead of just discipline :facepalm: .
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Re: Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby DaddysLucy » Sun May 04, 2008 12:49 pm

I, however, still feel guilty/ashamed for wanting/needing discipline during my pregnancy.


It sounds like your husband is coming around to the idea that discipline during pregnancy is safe and okay, so maybe remembering that will help with the guilt?

JA touched on this, but I will too: Sometimes I feel guilty and ashamed for needing discipline at all, in any context (even though my partner introduced the idea to me). And I'm sure that being pregnant and having extra needs because of that can compound that feeling. But-- If discipline during your pregnancy keeps your stress level and blood pressure down, then you are doing a good thing for your baby, right?

If you are a little uncomfortable with telling your doc the whole story, then I agree with JA that it's okay to frame it as a kinky/ sexy thing and not come clean about the whole dynamic. Good luck!
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Re: Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Sun May 04, 2008 1:31 pm

Once again thanks, I feel alot better. I guess I should have looked under pregnancy and discipline instead of just discipline


no problem. if i got one thing from all my years of schoolin', it was the ability to know how to find the information i'm looking for. research is one of the things i enjoy.

i hope your talk with your doctor goes well. my personal experience has been pretty good with telling people at least some of the details of this thing we do. well, the kink-related, anyways; more hit and miss with the discipline. but in the case of your doctor, all he needs to know is the spanking side of things.

it helps a lot to know we're not the only ones doing this, in my opinion!
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Re: Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby Eayore » Sun May 04, 2008 10:16 pm

I can understand guilty feelings but I think they may be misplaced.

It isn't as if you are doing something for your own 'pleasure' that harms the baby, like smoking. Raised blood pressure and stress can't be good for either of you, so finding a way to relieve them sounds like the responsible thing to do. You're also going about it in a very sensible way by saying there are certain things you won't do, and others you will.

So I say, good for you, and your partner!
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Re: Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby Naughty butt Nice » Mon May 05, 2008 4:22 pm

Well, I talked to my doctor today and I got the shock of my life. He is a spanko. He practices DD with his wife (what a relief, made talking to him a lot easier). Found this out because when I started asking about whether or not spankings would be harmful to the baby - he started laughing. I thought what the h-e-double hockey sticks.

He went on to explain to me that he and his wife have practiced DD for years even during both of her pregnancies. He also said that if it is just a good old fashioned spanking even including implements (he said no gagging or extreme bondage - which we are not into anyways) it is not anymore harmful than having sex. He told me that unless he puts me on bedrest or sex restrictions then my husband could spank me as often as needed (he said this with a slightly evil grin on his face :whip: ).

He also said that if I don't do what I'm supposed to in this pregnancy he will tell my husband (that's not fair). He went on to tell me that when I get further in the pregnancy he will discuss some safer positions for discipline with me then.

Is that not soooo wrong. :thud:
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Re: Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby Sara'sGirl(SG) » Mon May 05, 2008 4:57 pm

That is awesome! LOL, except, I agree, no fair for them to collaborate!! What a great response, though, to something I'm sure you were pretty nervous about bringing up.
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Re: Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby Naughty butt Nice » Mon May 05, 2008 5:44 pm

Very nervous...I think I sat there stuttering and stammering for the first 5 mins. :blush: When I finally spit it out and he started laughing I just about fell out of my chair. :thud: My face turned bright red until he explained why he was laughing. Man, was I shocked and relieved.

Then all went wrong. Now that I know he is going to report to my hubby I have to be extra careful. Make sure I gain enough weight (always a problem of mine during pregnancy) and keep my blood pressure down. Hope I can do it. I know the spankings will be worse if the doctor is telling him I need it. :hairbrush: So not fair! :grumble:
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Re: Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Mon May 05, 2008 7:31 pm

OMG!!!

That is so hilarious. JA and I are gaping. You're so lucky!!

How mean of him to rat you out. Sheesh. That's low. I guess he's a disciplinarian, then.

Congrats on that!
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Re: Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby Naughty butt Nice » Mon May 05, 2008 7:54 pm

I know sooo unbelievable! And yes he is the disciplinarian in his relationship.
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Re: Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Mon May 05, 2008 8:15 pm

I know the spankings will be worse if the doctor is telling him I need it.


Hm. Maybe it's not that I'm afraid of her disapproval. Maybe my issue is that I would rather not have my therapist telling W to spank me more often!

I'm *so* glad it worked out well for you, though. Or, well... kind of six of one, half-dozen of the other, isn't it? :goodorevil:
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Re: Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby DaddysLucy » Tue May 06, 2008 11:02 pm

I'm so glad it worked out for you! That's hysterical, though, that your doctor is a spanko! It's nice to know there are plenty of us out there...
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Re: Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby Naughty butt Nice » Wed May 07, 2008 12:20 am

My hubby is just happy to know that he doesn't have to make sure he don't spank me before my Dr.'s appointments. So, no weaseling out of anything :weasel: .
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Re: Pregnant Woman w/ Discipline Issues

Postby Rose » Fri May 23, 2008 7:55 pm

Oh. My. God.

I'm not sure if you're incredibly lucky, or incredibly unlucky.

All I know is that if my doctor had the power to get me spanked, I'd be in big trouble. Red makes sure that he attends all doctor's appointments with me, otherwise I might be tempted to minimize the doctor's recommendations, not admit to restrictions, etc.

I think I'd die of embarrassment anyway if I had to talk to my doctor about spanking. I'm blushing now just thinking about it...
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