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This thing we do • View topic - Anxiety and misunderstandings

Anxiety and misunderstandings

feminist? Christian? Pagan? Athiest? Loving partner? Adult?...

if you let someone discipline you?

Well, I know that we *are* all of those things, or whatever else we define ourselves to be. But sometimes, we just need to check in with other people, and be reminded that we're not doing something bad or wrong.

Re: Anxiety and misunderstandings

Postby DaddysLucy » Sun Jun 15, 2008 3:05 pm

Sure, RT. I mostly just do progressive relaxation, which is where you lay down in a quiet room and clench and relax the different muscle groups in your body. For me, I squeeze my toes, then release them, take five deep breaths, squeeze my calves, release, 5 breaths, etc. all the way up to my face.

Also, when I am getting anxious in the middle of the day I can do counting breaths, where I close my eyes and take ten deep, deep breaths through my nose, counting each one.

I also try to exercise most days. That is very relaxing and good for the "happy" chemicals in your brain-- your blood gets flowing and the happy chemicals can get to your body.

That's all I got right now-- anyone else have relaxation techniques that they use?
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Re: Anxiety and misunderstandings

Postby Eayore » Wed Jun 18, 2008 7:10 pm

Two things I find relax me particularly well: swimming, and standing in the corner (if it goes on for long enough).

I realise I posted something here about 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus', but it would not have meant much if you haven't read it. Could I please do a typically male thing and try to explain?

One of the themes of the book is that men and women share their feelings for very different reasons. It observes women don't have any ulterior motives for doing so, it just comes naturally to them, and what they like is for other people to "validate" the feelings they are describing. With men, sharing feelings does not make a lot of sense in itself. When they talk to other men about anything it is EITHER to ask practical advice to solve a problem they have, OR to apportion blame.

Hence, when you tell Daddy you are anxious, his immediate response may be to give you practical suggestions about why you have no need to feel that way (suggestions which incidentally, you might not welcome!) If you don't then say, thanks! what a good idea, I think I'll follow your advice, he will jump to reason number 2 - i.e. that you are only telling him this because you think he is to blame.

All of that fits my own experience so perfectly that I think there is something in it. Even though I "know" what's going on now, I find it very hard not to take it really personally whenever my wife expresses anger or disappointment or anxiety....
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Re: Anxiety and misunderstandings

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:05 pm

heh. what you describe also comes into play with me and w. not 100% of the time, but quite often.

yes, we do both have a lot of social conditioning that lets us feel a little more comfortable talking about our feelings and all of that.

but we also have that divide between assuming that feelings are expressed because the person expressing them is looking for a solution (me) or feeling like it's about assigning blame (both of us, at times).

we probably have a lot more training in knowing how to talk about our feelings and using "i statements," but it's still something we both struggle with. and then there's crying. for me, if i'm crying, it's because things are so incredibly awful that i can't help myself; w will cry at the drop of a hat (or the fall of a cake, for that matter). i've had to work hard to realize that it's ok for her to cry, and it's not due to some kind of emergency.

personally, i think that communication and relationships are a challenge, no matter the gender of the participants. to me, the big difference between men and women is that men don't get premenstrual, so at least there isn't a week or two every month when they're likely to be more emotionally volatile than usual.

:peace:
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