Too much?

What punishments have worked for you? Which made you (or your partner) feel frustrated or resentful?

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Too much?

Postby lana » Wed Sep 07, 2011 6:43 pm

The discussion about the movie Secretary led me to think of this question.
Would you "draw the line" at a punishment that was too humiliating? I havent been asked to do these things but they were what I read of in another DD forum.

1In one DD forum I read of a woman who said she sometimes had to sleep on the floor next to her hoh's bed for a week as a punishment,, and also stand nude on hands and knees in front of his chair with the paddle placed on her back so she could act as his footrest.

2Another sub, because of disobedience, said that (besides getting a caning) she had to stand in the corner for an hour with her back to the tv while her favorite series weekly tv show was playing with volume turned off and while her husband meanwhile read his newspaper.
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For me I would refuse to do the first ones because there is something in them that is beyond my "hard line"

For the second I would do it once but after that I would let my hoh know that it was too severe a penalty and waay too long of ct. I would hope then he would agree not use it anymore.

lana :ewok:
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Re: Too much?

Postby altbob » Thu Sep 08, 2011 1:35 am

Though not a bottom, I assume everyone would draw the line somewhere. That line varies for everyone. And the lines for DD (learning and discipline) and BDSM (play) would I assume not be the same. I certainly approach both differently. In DD I look for a "that was unpleasant but for the best" result, in BDSM more of a "Wow, I can't believe I can enjoy something like that" result.
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Re: Too much?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Thu Sep 08, 2011 2:48 pm

I wholeheartedly agree with altbob on what I would consider DD vs. BDSM, but I think everyone has to come up with their own set of things on what would work. I would be very unhappy submitting to something that was specifically designed to be humiliating, and I don't think E would be happy dispensing it. Our relationship is based on respect, and not just mine for him, but his for me as well. Ironically, although submitting to a spanking is certainly a bit humiliating, I think that is partly a side effect of the act, and not the whole point of it, at least for us. The time or two when I've taken a swat in public was because of a behavior that I enagaged in because I didn't think there could be immediate consequences. Therefore, his actions were meant to prove that there could and would be immediate consequences, not designed to humliate. I would agree, though, that humiliation, or at least humility, can be as powerful a motivator as a sore hinny, so for some people, perhaps this would work.
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Re: Too much?

Postby accidentallycrazy » Thu Sep 08, 2011 7:44 pm

From what I've read (here and in other places), I agree that everyone's hard limits are different. I *cannot* take the silent treatment, for example. It was (still is, really) my mother's favoruite way of 'disciplining' me and it has always hurt me more than I consider useful. Getting shouted at does something similar, but nowhere near as bad. I also read a lot about people who get put in the corner after spanking. That would *always* be a hard limit for me. I need to feel immediately forgiven after harsher discipline like a spanking. I can do corner time (I don't like it, but I will do it) but if I'm getting spanked, the spanking has to be the last form of discipline, after which I get hugged and forgiven. Again, forgivess was not readily availible from my parents and I was never actually sure when the punishment ended. Some relatively minor things would go on for days, other things that I thought more serious would result in things being back to 'normal' after only a few hours.

So, for me, a punishment I would draw the line at would be, really, one with no specific, defined end. Or anything to do with being ignored. I'm not sure those qualify for 'humiliating', but I do have different definitions for that than others, I think. I quite regularly seek out things that are supposed to be humiliating as part of BDSM play. I'm not certain they'd work well as a punishment, for that reason XD

At any rate, there are certainly punishments I would say no to, yes.
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Re: Too much?

Postby artlover » Thu Sep 08, 2011 11:21 pm

IMO, Lana's examples or hypotheticals sound like they are coming from a psychological place that is different from what I associate with dd, ttwd, taken in hand, etc. I recognize that the line between dd etc. and other areas of "kink" is necessarily imprecise, but it does exist, at least in my mind. I certainly enjoy that aspect of this that involves submission on the part of my wife, and associated with that is a touch of humiliation on her part. But my wife's submitting to rules administered by me, and submitting to being spanked by me for breaking them, is all the submission I need. The stuff of those examples is way too dramatic, IMO, and is well into a different area.
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Re: Too much?

Postby lana » Fri Sep 09, 2011 12:29 am

I got a punishment designed to be humiliating once. I had to do tedious chores he assigned while i wore only a pinafore apron. It was for keeping something a secret from him for a long time that I did.. It was actually my choice--It was either that or having to serve 2 weeks of long cornertime every night.
It wasnt really that bad and i certainly liked it more than ct plus i got something accomplished. My hoh seems to go to mainly just spanking and ct because i havent had the assigned chores w apron since.

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Re: Too much?

Postby Eayore » Sat Sep 10, 2011 7:04 pm

I haven't had to sleep on the floor yet, but I have often found myself in the corner while a TV programme is on that I wanted to watch. I find it quite a turn on.

To answer your question, well I am not really sure how to answer it. I don't think humiliation itself would be a reason for me to "refuse" a punishment. I think there are some things where I would draw the line though.

I remember one occasion when P told me to stand facing the wall in a crowded bar. I couldn't really tell if she was serious or not; and I carried on as if she hadn't said it. Looking back, I think that would have been extremely humiliating if I had done what she said. I imagine it could have been rather embarrassing for some of the other people in the bar too - but I don't know, maybe no-one else would have cared!
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Re: Too much?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Sun Sep 11, 2011 6:22 pm

I got a couple serious swats bent over a hitching post at a western bar. I wound up just laughing about it and calling it a little kinky fun to the people who saw it, but fun it was not!
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Re: Too much?

Postby lana » Wed Sep 14, 2011 1:32 am

Eayore wrote:I haven't had to sleep on the floor yet, but I have often found myself in the corner while a TV programme is on that I wanted to watch. I find it quite a turn on.


Hi Eeeyore
It must be very hard for P to think of really effective punishments since you seem to like even the very worst of them (I can hardly think of much worse than having to have my back to the tv for an hour while my fav weekly show is playing and not being allowed to record it either!! :mad: :mad:

The idea i was being punished and dominated usually is a turn on afterwards and helps me get thru paddlings. But it would not be enough to counteract the anger and resentment i'd feel with this punishment.
My hoh is basically a big old bear who likes to spank and also likes to see me in poses in ct. But I wouldnt think he'd impose this--mainly for the reason that it would be too "mean spirited" for him; and he has agreed there will be long ct for only a few very serious, dangerous crimes.. But I never want to say never cause he does surprise me sometimes w what he comes up with, particularly if its something he really wants to never see happen again.

lana :teeter:
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Re: Too much?

Postby Eayore » Thu Sep 15, 2011 7:21 pm

Yes, I guess it is rather hard on P. She has commented on this sometimes!
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Re: Too much?

Postby lana » Thu Sep 15, 2011 11:04 pm

Eayore wrote:Yes, I guess it is rather hard on P. She has commented on this sometimes!

Poor P....LOL
Eeyore I can imagine that for you even doing 2 weeks of boring, tedious chores w an apron on would be a turn on ...Would losing your driving privileges be an effective punishment?
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Re: Too much?

Postby Meg » Fri Sep 16, 2011 11:13 am

I think for us, the main place we draw the line is things that are triggers, particularly for me, as Obsidian sets the punishments, and if it is one I suggest that she is not comfortable, Obsidian just says "No."

One of the things that we avoid is stuff associated with housework. I have a lot of abuse issues surrounding not doing housework well enough...which has caused me to have a lot of avoidance problems with it. Not just laziness in not wanting to do it :). We have had to work many years to recondition me around that. So, Obsidian *never* uses extra housework as a punishment, nor do I get punished for not doing housework well enough or perfect enough. I DO get punished if I start to have a meltdown while doing housework. I am supposed to monitor myself enough to take a break if I am starting to freak out.

Other than that, Obsidian generally reaches her limits *long* before I reach mine...so this is generally not an issue...although, Obsidian's limits have, well, been expanding greatly lately :eek:

Eayore wrote:I haven't had to sleep on the floor yet, but I have often found myself in the corner while a TV programme is on that I wanted to watch. I find it quite a turn on.


I have a question, Eayore....are you actually turned on by the punishment, or by the fact that P is strong enough to administer it? I know that, for me, the emotions are complicated. I know that I have talked about this before. Submission does not always turn me on, but I do not get turned on unless I am feeling submissive. That was a key distinction for me. I am not necessarily sexually aroused by punishment, and we intentionally avoid punishments that are specifically erotic for me...like using the leather strap. Also, the punishments I receive do, in fact, have a deterrent effect on my bad behavior. At the same time, though, I find Obsidian extremely sexually attractive when she is disciplining me (I find her sexually attractive anyways...but it is intensified when she disciplines me). It is not so much the punishment I find arousing, but the strength in her to administer the punishment.
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Re: Too much?

Postby Eayore » Fri Sep 16, 2011 5:42 pm

I think it is fair to say I get sexually aroused by being punished. But after enough time in the corner, I do start to wish I didn't have to stand there any more.
:corner:

One thing I have noticed I find particularly erotic is when I have been doing CT for a long time, and I realise P is deciding to leave me in the corner for even longer. For example, if she comes into the room and ignores me.
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Re: Too much?

Postby tammy » Sat Oct 08, 2011 8:27 am

Being punished is definitely not a turn on. But his power and authority over me is.

amethyst wrote:I think for us, the main place we draw the line is things that are triggers, particularly for me, as Obsidian sets the punishments, and if it is one I suggest that she is not comfortable, Obsidian just says "No."

One of the things that we avoid is stuff associated with housework. I have a lot of abuse issues surrounding not doing housework well enough...which has caused me to have a lot of avoidance problems with it. Not just laziness in not wanting to do it :). We have had to work many years to recondition me around that. So, Obsidian *never* uses extra housework as a punishment, nor do I get punished for not doing housework well enough or perfect enough. I DO get punished if I start to have a meltdown while doing housework. I am supposed to monitor myself enough to take a break if I am starting to freak out.

Other than that, Obsidian generally reaches her limits *long* before I reach mine...so this is generally not an issue...although, Obsidian's limits have, well, been expanding greatly lately :eek:

Eayore wrote:I haven't had to sleep on the floor yet, but I have often found myself in the corner while a TV programme is on that I wanted to watch. I find it quite a turn on.


I have a question, Eayore....are you actually turned on by the punishment, or by the fact that P is strong enough to administer it? I know that, for me, the emotions are complicated. I know that I have talked about this before. Submission does not always turn me on, but I do not get turned on unless I am feeling submissive. That was a key distinction for me. I am not necessarily sexually aroused by punishment, and we intentionally avoid punishments that are specifically erotic for me...like using the leather strap. Also, the punishments I receive do, in fact, have a deterrent effect on my bad behavior. At the same time, though, I find Obsidian extremely sexually attractive when she is disciplining me (I find her sexually attractive anyways...but it is intensified when she disciplines me). It is not so much the punishment I find arousing, but the strength in her to administer the punishment.
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Re: Too much?

Postby Eayore » Sat Oct 08, 2011 11:02 am

I would agree it is complex! I am not sure I can truly distinguish what is sexually arousing me in this situation.

I find standing in the corner to be a turn on in itself. Actually there have been times when it wasn't; these are rare, and I think they are almost always to do with being very tired and/or under the influence of alcohol at the time. Then I find corner time is boring and a bit of a torture to me.

I believe one of the "special" things about it is that, once I am there, it is not my decision when I can come out of the corner. Somehow, this has a powerful physical effect on me whenever I think about it. BUT in practically every other circumstance that I can think of, if it is not for punishment then the mere thought of being out of control of what I do and where I am is not nice for me AT ALL. So perhaps it is the combination of being punished and not feeling in control that turns me on. If it means that I am missing something I wanted to watch, or something I wanted to do, there is an extra sexual charge added; I think this is because it makes the punishment more 'meaningful' - harder to pretend that I don't care.

I also think that standing in the corner is particularly meaningful for me because it is undeniably and in a way 'publically' happening exclusively for punishment. It is not at all public, of course, in the sense of doing it where complete strangers can see; but it is public in the sense that the people "in the know" - i.e. P and me, have a constant reminder of what is going on.
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