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DD Gone wrong: Alcohol involved.

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 2:03 pm
by LadyShriver1
That would have been last night's headline in our household! So, I'm not gonna say that I didn't earn a spanking. I definitely did. But it has been put off for several days due to timing and work, and I assumed the same thing was about to happen last night.

Oh my goodness was I wrong!

We went out and had a few drinks with friends, and I wound up sober driving, because E has had a really bad week. He had one too many and was pretty intoxicated, but he was maintaing ok, so we stayed a little longer. Got home late, set the coffee pot and I curled up in bed. Next thing I know, E is dragging me across his lap to deliver my spanking. I was shocked at first, but actually pleased that I didn't have to wait anymore. But he started right out wailing on me, without the slightest warm-up, and it was almost instantly unbearable. He also had terrible aim, and although he didn't injure me, there were definitely some swats that landed outside of normal striking range. Then he started asking me these open ended questions that I really didn't know the answers to, and swatting harder when I couldn't answer. He finally had me count the last few down, but I sounded pretty pissed by then, so I got a few more for THAT attitude!

He skipped our lotion and cuddle ritual, which was fine because I didn't feel much like cuddling. This morning we talked about it, and he's really upset. That's the first time that anything like this has happened, and I figure it's part of the learning curve, I suppose. And honestly, it wasn't really that it was too hard (although it hurt like hell), it's more that it wasn't effective and did NOT make me feel sorry, only angry. I want a do over, even if it means taking more swats, but he thinks that isn't fair, since I already took one helluva spanking.

What do you all think?

Re: DD Gone wrong: Alcohol involved.

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 3:03 pm
by Meg
Obsidian and I have redone the discipline when things like this happen.

Yes, technically, it might not be *fair*, and this has been a barrier at times. For us, though, repairing the damage from a discipline session gone wrong is much, much more important than any principle of fairness or unfairness. Ultimately, it is the overarching relationship that matters, not the individual incident, and a do over, for us, does repair the damage.

If Obsidian is feeling guilty about her part, well an apology and chocolate will solve that problem nicely :)

Other couples might do other things, but this is what works for us.

Re: DD Gone wrong: Alcohol involved.

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 8:11 pm
by Eayore
I think E should write "I must not spank while intoxicated" 10 times, and then give you the spanking you deserve (provided he is sober at the time, of course). That would be fair, in my opinion.

Re: DD Gone wrong: Alcohol involved.

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 8:55 pm
by artlover
I think he should do whatever you think he should do to get things back on track. Things got messed up, probably in large part because spanking you after having had a few drinks was a very bad idea. And he has to look to you to figure out how to fix it.

Re: DD Gone wrong: Alcohol involved.

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 10:34 pm
by JigsawAnalogy
I think the two of you will have to experiment to figure out what works. I know that if he doesn't feel okay with a do-over, it might be just as ineffective as the first spanking was, and lead into a downward spiral. On the other hand, it can be hard to get back on track once things have gone wrong, and the do-over might help both of you to feel more comfortable, and if he comes to understand that,it can be a really useful tool for working things out.

It probably all comes down to communication. With me and W, at least, no number of do-overs would work if we hadn't worked through the underlying conflicts beforehand.

Good luck.

Re: DD Gone wrong: Alcohol involved.

PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 5:58 pm
by lana
This has happened w us too-- but with pot not alcohol. There was no warm up and it felt like my husband was not putting all the elements in it. It seemed like the whole spanking was a "scene" he was putting on and (like the scolding was more like half-laughingly) I was not positioned right or held tight enough and when i moved i got a stroke on the hip(i think he was using a nylon miniblind rod) and felt a bit worried then.

At the time I said nothing; and i dont think he knew anything went wrong. I really now feel like i should have told him i dont want to be spanked when hes high anymore. I myself do not do pot hardly ever, but I do know that it effects concentration. and memory ability.

The first time when it was like this I didnt realize what was "wrong" but the next time I did.
I am glad for your letter and think i will talk about this with him, and just tell him.

As for a do-over,its way in the past now and I cant even remember what the spanking was for.
lana

Re: DD Gone wrong: Alcohol involved.

PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:38 pm
by LadyShriver1
Thank you all. Even though I didn't respond, I did read all of your comments (my keyboard was messed up so I could click with the mouse but not type, then I was in the process of moving). Right after everything happened, we DID have a do-over, and agreed to Eayore's suggestion. Everything worked out ok for us, and although I feel like he's still sometimes more tentative than necessary, it's getting back to the right place.

Re: DD Gone wrong: Alcohol involved.

PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:44 pm
by JigsawAnalogy
Thanks for the update--I'm glad things are getting back on track for you guys!

Re: DD Gone wrong: Alcohol involved.

PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:47 pm
by W-Jigsaw'sBoss
As a top, I can speak to the fact that when I screw up, I have a really hard time finding my own center, as an authoritarian, again. I am very tentative at first, and then, I just... find it. It'll happen.

Re: DD Gone wrong: Alcohol involved.

PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 1:35 am
by Sara'sGirl(SG)
Once Sara spanked me after I had been drinking. I wasn't drunk, but I was definitely tipsy. She wasn't, but I think it made my reactions different. I seemed far less sensitive than normal. I was rather enjoying the spanking, but she did NOT like the marks it left on me. I think she gauges the severity of a spanking by my reactions a lot (which is helpful since my mindset can make a huge difference in how I take a spanking, so if she's trying to punish me, the punishment could be way more or less severe than she intends if she ignores my reaction), so I think my responses being off led to her spanking harder/longer than she preferred.

It wasn't a problem for me, but it was a little while before she really felt comfortable spanking me again. We definitely got there, though!