Questions:
1. How frequently are you punished?
I am going to answer all of these from the perspective of being caned. The other main punishment I receive is being sent to stand in the corner; this would require different answers in some cases.
There is no set frequency, and it varies a lot. Sometimes I have been caned 3 times in one day (I think the most ever was 4 times, which happened only once); at other times, several months can go by without any punishment – the longest gap lasted over a year, which was tough. Over the nearly 25 years we have been doing this, I estimate I have been caned a little over 300 times, which works out at slightly more than once per month on average.
2. What action results in punishment?
My immediate response is, “Hmm, I wish I knew!” There isn’t anything which is guaranteed to result in punishment. I get punished when P decides I deserve it.
Actually, I made a vow to obey and there are many rules which I am expected to follow – but there is no threat of punishment attached to breaking these (and I break them pretty consistently). I would say the most common reason why I get punished is for showing a disrespectful attitude. Once the decision has been made to punish me, there is usually a list of misdemeanours added to the ‘charge sheet’.
3. How are you punished (implement and positions)?
I get caned on my (almost always bare) butt. The position varies; usually I bend over, or lie down on an item of furniture: the bed (which I don’t like, because I find it difficult to hold position); or a stool, or a chair. Occasionally I have been caned while simply touching my toes.
4. How long does a punishment last?
The actual caning can last a few seconds or a few minutes. I have never tried to time it, but I would say the maximum is probably about 5 minutes. This would be when I get up to 30 strokes, with time between each one, which I estimate to be roughly 10 seconds.
5. What is your reaction when you know you are going to be punished but before the punishment is administered?
Usually, I have a ‘sinking feeling’ in my stomach, and wish it was not going to happen, or at least not now. I think it is unfair, and I feel anxious that I will not be able to hold still, and that this will cause an unpleasant situation.
6. How do you react while being punished?
To explain how I react, I’d like to start by describing the physical experience. I find the first 1 to 2 strokes do not hurt too much, but the third is generally when the pain gets challenging and my mind and body start screaming at me to get out of this ‘danger zone’. I would say the pain intensifies for about the next 3 strokes and then continues at that level for the following 10 or so. During this time, it is hard to think about anything else than the pain and whether I can take any more. If I have managed to take that number however, I then start to realise it is not quite as ‘life threatening’ as it appeared. It still hurts, but the longer it goes on the more I feel I am able to cope with it.
I believe that if I have been able to get in the right frame of mind at the start, I manage to stay in position in spite of the pain – so my reaction is focused on taking the punishment, and ‘survival’. On the other hand, quite often I just don’t have the will power to hold position, and I either get up or turn away. In these cases, my emotional reaction is in conflict – between wanting to accept the punishment I deserve, and wanting to be given more time to get myself ready for it.
7. How do you react when the punishment is completed?
First, if I don’t hold still then the punishment is generally not completed; I sometimes get a second chance, but almost never a third chance. If the punishment is interrupted for this reason, I feel frustrated and angry with myself, and also embarrassed and ashamed.
If I do manage to stay in position until the punishment is over, I invariably feel grateful, and I usually say thank you. I’d have to admit I feel slightly proud with myself too. Then I start to think about why I’d been punished and how I need to mend my behaviour in future. This last part is what I have learnt to do over the years; it did not come naturally. It came because of P refusing to punish me any more unless she saw positive results.
8. How long after the completion of the punishment does the discomfort last?
There are different levels of discomfort. In the past, I found that immediately after being caned it was really difficult to pull my pants up, or even to let my shirt touch the area which had been caned. This lasted about a minute or 2 (and for some reason I don’t get this any more). Then for a while, it hurts a lot if my butt is slapped; I suppose this lasts for about an hour – but I couldn’t say I have a lot of experience of being slapped then, so this is really just a guess. The kind of discomfort which reminds me I have been caned, such as when I run (or when I take a shower, if the skin has been cut) can last for a couple of days – maybe more if the caning was particularly severe.
9. If there is a deterrent effect on improper behavior from the punishment how long does this last
What I would call the ‘natural’ deterrent effect, i.e. the fear of being caned again, lasts approximately 90 seconds.
The ‘learnt’ deterrent effect, by which I mean the conscious decision to change my behaviour, can last much longer. In certain circumstances, it has resulted in a permanent change. This happens when there is a clear change that I need to make, and I don’t have any reason to go back to my old ways. The opposite extreme is when I have deeply ingrained habits backed up by a logic which makes sense to me, though not to P. An example of this is she wants me to feed our cats in a certain place and not leave cat dishes in the middle of the kitchen; but our eldest cat does not like to eat with the other two, and so I gradually drift back to leaving her dish apart from theirs, until it ends up... in the middle of the kitchen. There has been a fairly recent caning when this very infraction was added to the list; and in this case, I would say the deterrent effect lasted about a week.
10. Any ritual involved in your punishment or anything else you would like to add
I don’t think this is quite a ritual, in the sense of being performed to enhance the effect, but there are a couple of things which always happen. I always have to go and get the cane and bring it to her, and she pretty well always gives the order by saying, “Where’s the whip?” – never “Go and fetch the cane,” or anything else like that. She has also taught me to take my pants down without being asked; and when she's ready to start she prefers to say “Head down!” instead of “Bend over.”
