Page 1 of 2

Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 10:06 pm
by Eayore
Somebody asked me in a PM to answer some questions (targeted specifically at male bottoms). I thought they were fabulous so I asked if it was OK to post them in the open forum, and the answer was yes. Here they are, with my replies.


1. How frequently are you punished?

I am going to answer all of these from the perspective of being caned. The other main punishment I receive is being sent to stand in the corner; this would require different answers in some cases.

There is no set frequency, and it varies a lot. Sometimes I have been caned 3 times in one day (I think the most ever was 4 times, which happened only once); at other times, several months can go by without any punishment – the longest gap lasted over a year, which was tough. Over the nearly 25 years we have been doing this, I estimate I have been caned a little over 300 times, which works out at slightly more than once per month on average.

2. What action results in punishment?

My immediate response is, “Hmm, I wish I knew!” There isn’t anything which is guaranteed to result in punishment. I get punished when P decides I deserve it.
Actually, I made a vow to obey and there are many rules which I am expected to follow – but there is no threat of punishment attached to breaking these (and I break them pretty consistently). I would say the most common reason why I get punished is for showing a disrespectful attitude. Once the decision has been made to punish me, there is usually a list of misdemeanours added to the ‘charge sheet’.

3. How are you punished (implement and positions)?

I get caned on my (almost always bare) butt. The position varies; usually I bend over, or lie down on an item of furniture: the bed (which I don’t like, because I find it difficult to hold position); or a stool, or a chair. Occasionally I have been caned while simply touching my toes.

4. How long does a punishment last?

The actual caning can last a few seconds or a few minutes. I have never tried to time it, but I would say the maximum is probably about 5 minutes. This would be when I get up to 30 strokes, with time between each one, which I estimate to be roughly 10 seconds.

5. What is your reaction when you know you are going to be punished but before the punishment is administered?

Usually, I have a ‘sinking feeling’ in my stomach, and wish it was not going to happen, or at least not now. I think it is unfair, and I feel anxious that I will not be able to hold still, and that this will cause an unpleasant situation.

6. How do you react while being punished?

To explain how I react, I’d like to start by describing the physical experience. I find the first 1 to 2 strokes do not hurt too much, but the third is generally when the pain gets challenging and my mind and body start screaming at me to get out of this ‘danger zone’. I would say the pain intensifies for about the next 3 strokes and then continues at that level for the following 10 or so. During this time, it is hard to think about anything else than the pain and whether I can take any more. If I have managed to take that number however, I then start to realise it is not quite as ‘life threatening’ as it appeared. It still hurts, but the longer it goes on the more I feel I am able to cope with it.

I believe that if I have been able to get in the right frame of mind at the start, I manage to stay in position in spite of the pain – so my reaction is focused on taking the punishment, and ‘survival’. On the other hand, quite often I just don’t have the will power to hold position, and I either get up or turn away. In these cases, my emotional reaction is in conflict – between wanting to accept the punishment I deserve, and wanting to be given more time to get myself ready for it.

7. How do you react when the punishment is completed?

First, if I don’t hold still then the punishment is generally not completed; I sometimes get a second chance, but almost never a third chance. If the punishment is interrupted for this reason, I feel frustrated and angry with myself, and also embarrassed and ashamed.

If I do manage to stay in position until the punishment is over, I invariably feel grateful, and I usually say thank you. I’d have to admit I feel slightly proud with myself too. Then I start to think about why I’d been punished and how I need to mend my behaviour in future. This last part is what I have learnt to do over the years; it did not come naturally. It came because of P refusing to punish me any more unless she saw positive results.

8. How long after the completion of the punishment does the discomfort last?

There are different levels of discomfort. In the past, I found that immediately after being caned it was really difficult to pull my pants up, or even to let my shirt touch the area which had been caned. This lasted about a minute or 2 (and for some reason I don’t get this any more). Then for a while, it hurts a lot if my butt is slapped; I suppose this lasts for about an hour – but I couldn’t say I have a lot of experience of being slapped then, so this is really just a guess. The kind of discomfort which reminds me I have been caned, such as when I run (or when I take a shower, if the skin has been cut) can last for a couple of days – maybe more if the caning was particularly severe.

9. If there is a deterrent effect on improper behavior from the punishment how long does this last

What I would call the ‘natural’ deterrent effect, i.e. the fear of being caned again, lasts approximately 90 seconds.

The ‘learnt’ deterrent effect, by which I mean the conscious decision to change my behaviour, can last much longer. In certain circumstances, it has resulted in a permanent change. This happens when there is a clear change that I need to make, and I don’t have any reason to go back to my old ways. The opposite extreme is when I have deeply ingrained habits backed up by a logic which makes sense to me, though not to P. An example of this is she wants me to feed our cats in a certain place and not leave cat dishes in the middle of the kitchen; but our eldest cat does not like to eat with the other two, and so I gradually drift back to leaving her dish apart from theirs, until it ends up... in the middle of the kitchen. There has been a fairly recent caning when this very infraction was added to the list; and in this case, I would say the deterrent effect lasted about a week.

10. Any ritual involved in your punishment or anything else you would like to add

I don’t think this is quite a ritual, in the sense of being performed to enhance the effect, but there are a couple of things which always happen. I always have to go and get the cane and bring it to her, and she pretty well always gives the order by saying, “Where’s the whip?” – never “Go and fetch the cane,” or anything else like that. She has also taught me to take my pants down without being asked; and when she's ready to start she prefers to say “Head down!” instead of “Bend over.”

Re: Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 6:48 am
by blackbird
OHHHHHH!! How I LOVE you Eayore.....

I'm with the cat....

B :kitty:

Re: Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 6:58 pm
by splorange
This is really interesting, Eayore. I wonder if more 'old lags' would follow your lead and fill out something like this? I'd love to read a few different experiences. Thanks for doing this.

Re: Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 7:03 pm
by Eayore
Thanks! I will tell her (the cat, that is). That's really something, coming from a blackbird. By the way, that is my favourite bird. I love their song.

Re: Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 2:48 am
by blackbird
... blackbird singing in the dead of night,
take these broken wings and learn to fly...

I love cats.... I simply wouldn't be able to not give a cat a comfortable place to feed. Then again, I suppose there is the small matter of LEAVING the bowl there afterwards. But sometimes cats need to graze. Oh I don't know. It just seems very noble of your bottom to take the consequences and I admire you.


Re: Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 7:34 pm
by bottomhusband
Since this posting was aimed more towards male bottoms I thought I would share a little insight. I am relatively new to this so my experience is a little different. We are still figuring out the boundaries.

1. How frequently am I punished?
We do not do maintenance spankings or have a regularly scheduled time, but it typically works out to once a week or so.

2. What action results in punishment?
Again, since we are new at this we don't have real firm guidelines set up. When I brought it up to my wife I told her I wanted her to punish me in order to help motivate me to be a better husband for her. Mainly anytime she felt "let down" by me she should punish me. So far some reasons I have been punished are because I forgot to set up an appt for the dogs to get their shots and as a result we had to change our plans for a trip since we couldn't board them. Another reason is that twice in one week I left out the coffee creamer and had to throw it away (we are basically living paycheck to paycheck, so even wasting 6 dollars is not something to let slide...) These are the first to examples that come to mind.

3.How am I punished?
Always with spanking. We have a couple solid paddles from caniac that scare the daylights out of me and my wife is very proficient at using them. Typically I am over the edge of the bed or on the bed on all fours.

4. How long does a punishment last?
Punishment length varies but typically lasts between five and ten minutes. It seems like hours to me though

5. How do you react when you know a punishment is coming but hasn't happened yet?
My wife doesn't really draw things out too much so there are only a couple minutes between when I find out I'm going to get a punishment to when I'm actually getting it. I have a sinking feeling in my as soon as she tells me, but if I have done something that I know warrants a punishment I usually feel pretty guilty about it too. Even though the whole thing makes me feel nervous I do get a sense of relief when I know that I'm going to get punished because then I know everything will be made right again. It's hard to describe because I have lots of different emotions going on all at the same time.

6. How do you react while being punished?
I try very hard to stay still and take my punishment like a big boy, but that goes out the window after the first couple minutes are up. Usually I end up wriggling around and pleading for my wife to stop, which never works.

7. How do you react after the punishment is completed?
After I am punished I usually feel exhausted. I honestly think I could take a long nap afterwards! My wife always asks how my behind feels after she is done, and she likes to admire her handiwork as I lay there.

8. How long does the pain last after being spanked?
For me it usually burns intensely for 15 minutes or so, followed by dull pain for a few hours. Only once have I had any markings or pain the next day

9. If there is a deterrent effect how long does it last?
Well... That's a hard one to answer since we are fairly new at this. I will say that I have never been punished for the same thing twice... so far...

Hope that gives you a little insight into the beginning of a relationship involving ttwd.

Re: Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 9:18 pm
by Eayore
Thanks for that. Once a week - I think you're lucky!!

Re: Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 10:27 pm
by bottomhusband
You sound surprised, is that more or less frequently than you? That makes me curious, I think I'll start a thread in the bottoms forum to see how often other bottoms are getting punished.

Re: Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 10:32 pm
by bottomhusband
oh, and I am extremely lucky... Not sure how I ended up with my wife, she could have done much better than me! I don't know how many of you watch the tv show How I met Your Mother, but there is an episode where they talk about how in every relationship there is a "reacher" and a "settler." The reacher has managed to reach beyond their level to get someone that could do better. The Settler is the partner that could do better but is with you anyways. No questions about it friends, I am the reacher! :-D

Re: Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:05 am
by Homebody
bottomhusband wrote:oh, and I am extremely lucky... Not sure how I ended up with my wife, she could have done much better than me! I don't know how many of you watch the tv show How I met Your Mother, but there is an episode where they talk about how in every relationship there is a "reacher" and a "settler." The reacher has managed to reach beyond their level to get someone that could do better. The Settler is the partner that could do better but is with you anyways. No questions about it friends, I am the reacher! :-D

I am familiar with the show but haven't seen that before. I definitely agree with you, I'm also the reacher :)

In addition, I agree that one week is lucky as well. I can recall the last time I was punished, but not when (if that makes sense). Needless to say, it was more than a week ago :P

welcome to the boards btw :)

Re: Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 2:52 pm
by hardhand65
many thanks for the reply just wish I had a larger sample but hopefully more will become available

Re: Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 3:10 pm
by Eayore
Once a week is more frequent than I get. I think I mentioned in my earlier post that the average has been just more than once a month.

Re: Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 4:12 pm
by Eayore
I'm not sure if we should start a different thread on this, but I've been thinking quite a bit about the "reacher" and the "settler" idea. I can't get comfortable with applying it to my own experience. To be honest, I find it hard to believe that 50% of people would settle for a long-term relationship they secretly thought was beneath them - but I may be completely wrong about that.

In our relationship, the way I'd prefer to describe it is there was a gravitational pull between us. If I tried to apply reacher and settler terms at all, perhaps we were both "reaching" for something we each wanted but were not sure we could attain, or we deserved.

Re: Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 9:46 pm
by W-Jigsaw'sBoss
I don't think every couple has a reacher and a settler, and we are definitely a couple of reachers. I do know friends who that episode made me think of, though.

Re: Punishment Survey

PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 6:14 am
by splorange
To me the reacher and settler concept is a slightly shallow one, because usually the person described as the settler is just the more desirable in obvious ways, such as more physically attractive or richer. A person like that, if they are honest and seeking deeper meaning in their life (not somebody who's innately self-satisfied because they happen to be good looking and wealthy) will actually often find somebody who gives them love, support, and understands them for what they are. Thus the good-looking moneyed one is described as the settler, but I want to bet they think they're really the lucky one.

I think W saying she and Jigsaw are both reachers indicates that in her relationship they both think they're the lucky one. Which may not be how it always is, but what a great way to be!