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This thing we do • View topic - A whole new way of feeling punished....

A whole new way of feeling punished....

What punishments have worked for you? Which made you (or your partner) feel frustrated or resentful?

This is the meta forum, focused more on general talk.

Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby splorange » Sun Aug 05, 2012 7:01 am

Wow. Those are excellent points, B. Definitely something to take into account! It's a bit much for me to process right now but I'll come back to it I think. I agree it's not a great role model relationship.
'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

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Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby bodack » Sat Aug 11, 2012 4:50 pm

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Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby Ice-cream » Mon Sep 03, 2012 10:16 pm

What a disappointment. I've been under a rock and decided to read the book to see what the fuss was about. I used to read mills and boon novels as a teenager and was always a bit disappointed when the promisingly dominant hero invariably faded into a dull vanilla wuss:-) I thought this might redress my teenage grievances at last. I was hoping for a good laugh. But apart from the heroine's ridiculous tea habits there was little to smile at.
Why are all bdsm characters in mainstream fiction weird or damaged? I'm horrified that this will be some people's introduction to this lifestyle. Honestly I thought Secretary was bad.
I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me, afraid to let anyone know what I was like, avoiding the kind of men I was attracted towards because I had no frame of reference except abuse and psychosis. The discovery that I wasn't alone and that there were people who were as intrinsically dominant as I was submissive was liberating. But discovering that many dominants were caring, kind loving people was life changing. I can accept that a work of fiction requires dramatic tension, that Christian's tragic childhood warped him, but why are ALL the other sub/doms unbalanced too?
Ana talks about bringing him into the light but for me the light was discovering that I didnt have to deny this part of me.
Imagine if gay people were only fictionalised as victims of child abuse/psychologically damaged/ perverts!
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Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby splorange » Tue Sep 04, 2012 2:28 pm

Yes - the worry really is that all the people who are reading it (best selling paperback of all time in the UK!!) aren't learning about a lifestyle they might like to try, but are just seeing it as voyeurism and that it will actually make BDSM/ttwd more isolated as people become convinced that only freaks practise this...

There are an awful awful awful lot of recent spin offs though, cashing in. Maybe those are better.
'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

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Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby Eayore » Tue Sep 04, 2012 4:05 pm

I agree Secretary the film tapped into the weird / damaged cliche. Mary Gaitskill's short story on which it was based does not have this, and I think is much better.
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Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby artlover » Tue Sep 04, 2012 10:58 pm

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Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby splorange » Wed Sep 05, 2012 12:19 am

'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

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Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby jessewj » Wed Sep 05, 2012 1:40 am

She sounds like a moron. Bee and I read parts of it to each other in a bookstore...
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Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby altbob » Wed Sep 05, 2012 5:19 pm

At least its a little more out there. Gradually, hopefully, people will accept it as a bit odd but common. For a long time only deviants practiced oral sex. Its not perfect, but its popular. As a Dom, anything that will lessen the chances I get put in jail for something completely consensual that a bystander/nosy neighbor reports is ok in my book.
I am not sure about other countries, but in most states in the US you are not allowed to consent to a flogging/whipping/caning/spanking.
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Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby lana » Wed Sep 05, 2012 11:36 pm

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Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby lana » Wed Sep 05, 2012 11:46 pm

Theres suddenly a beet head showing up in my avatar place--how do i get rid of the beet head?

I liked being rank 5 better.

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Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby altbob » Thu Sep 06, 2012 1:54 am

@lana - it's a temp think, when you change rank. It will go away shortly. Just think of it as "getting beet" :doh:
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Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby muchinspired » Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:20 pm

whenever R and i saw a chapters we couldn't help but just stroll in to pick up a copy, pop a squat, and start laughing or angrily fuming in an empty isle.
"Tuna belongs in the sea. I was just helping it be free.”

Matthew, Cabin Fever

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Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby muchinspired » Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:24 pm

But equally, it's a pity that all the literature we can name offhand generalises it as born of psychological damage. I don't know. Can anyone discuss the portrayal of Ana in Fifty Shade of Grey? She doesn't sound damaged. Moronic, perhaps, but healthy :P

---

ana's apparently not the damaged one. her 'dom' is. he... won't take his shirt off (to save her the horrendous depression at the sight of his scars)? and apparently his being a 'dom' is born from childhood sexual/physical abuse. because clearly all doms/dommes were abused as children and grow up to be just as mentally unstable as christian in this book.
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Re: A whole new way of feeling punished....

Postby Ice-cream » Tue Sep 11, 2012 4:14 pm

It is rather interesting to consider the differences and similarities between Ana Steele, Elizabeth McGraw and Lee Holloway.
Anyone? :brow:
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