How long should it hurt????

What punishments have worked for you? Which made you (or your partner) feel frustrated or resentful?

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How long should it hurt????

Postby amiles » Wed Feb 03, 2010 8:02 am

I am a wilful woman and can be very stubbon at times and know I need this kind of mariage as I love him so much and need pulling into line.

I agreed to DD (Domestic discipline) when i got married 5 months ago and do believe that it works, apart from when it is happening to me at the time. On Sunday my husband went out golfing and I knew he would not be home until tea time as he likes to go for a drink after with his friends. He rang me when he had finished to see if i wanted to join them and some of the wives for a drink, however I decided to go and meet a friend he is not very keen on and we shared a bottle of wine. When i got home my husband was also just pulling in and asked where i had been, i lied and told him i had just been to my sisters (he dislikes liars with a passion). All was fine until my sister called and my husband answered the phone, i am not sure of how the conversation went but he came off the phone and did not say who was. He then came into the sitting room and asked if I had had a nice time, of course not wanting to let the cat out of the bag I said yes and continued what i was doing, he then asked me to look at him straight in the eye and tell him where I had been, so i lied again, he said he would give me one more chance to tell him where i had been, his calmness unnerved me and i i stormed into the other room slamming the door behind me, he called me back saying i had five seconds to return or else i would be sorry, I then shouted back some very vulgar swear words, He walked in behind me grabbed me by the back of the neck and walked me into the spare bedroom pulled me over his knee pulled up my skirt and gave me some very hard swipes on my bottom, i was screaming and kicking, he told me if i did not stop it would be a whole lot worse, i could not help myself so he pulled down my panties and took his belt to my bare behind, i was bent over his left knee and his right leg was over my legs so i could not move, he said he was going to carry on until i was sorry and told him the truth, i did this after 5 minutes or so, when I did this he stood me up and explained that i needed some more after dinner because he wanted me to think about why i lied and why he was doing this. I did not eat any of my dinner and just kept begging him not to carry on after he had eaten, as i was not eating he sent me to the spare room again told me to take off my skirt and panties and stand facing the wall, i was about to beg some more when he looked at me in one of those ways you just know not to carry on, i did as he asked thinking he was just putting the fear of god into me, but when he came in he had a wooden spoon in his hand, he put me over his knee again and gave me at least 30 licks. I know i did wrong i also know how sorry i am and will NEVER do this agin, but do you think 2 spankings were in order? I really want to hear what others have to say. I know he loves me and I got more warnings than I should, how long will it hurt for, does anyone else dislike being spanked even though you know it is what you need and deserve?
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Re: How long should it hurt????

Postby bodack » Fri Feb 05, 2010 9:47 pm

I am a little surprised no one has responded so here is my two cents worth.

First go to takeninhand.com. The women there don't like getting spanked either but they find their relationships work better.

Secondly you did deserve two spankings. It is not that you visited your friend it is that you lied about it. I have seen way too many relationships end that way. So many little lies that the spouse just doesn't believe you any more. Your husband has to be able to trust you and you broke that trust. You would have been much better off telling him up front.
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Re: How long should it hurt????

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Sat Feb 06, 2010 4:57 pm

I'm going to bide my time, amiles. I don't know you or your partner, and it's really hard to interpret tone and inference via the internet sometimes.

In reading between the lines, it sounds like you were not originally interested in the DD dynamic, and this was initiated by your top.

As someone who was pulled (more or less kicking and screaming) into TTWD by my bottom, I (PERSONALLY. I know this is MY issue) feel uncomfortable with the power exchange of tops that initiate. If you see the pattern in my posts going back two years, I've come into my power slowly. I wanted to be very, very sure that the exchange was "safe, sane and consensual" , which is a well known phrase in the community.

I don't hear that you want this. I may be wrong, so I'm going to wait to answer your question. Two spankings in one day are TOTALLY appropriate for a bottom that truly wants this dynamic. A wife that "agrees" to be spanked and submissive in order to please her husband (again, MY opinion,. but then isn't the point of a forum to share and appeal to to others for their opinions? None of us here is an expert.)

er . I talked myself into a tangle.

My point is that if you're not fully invested in ttwd then it's not cool.

I regret that this is the first response you've had from one of the mamas of this community. Hopefully we'll develop a good understanding of the ttwd that you and your partner share and we will be able to be useful to you in many ways. I don't claim to be a spokesperson for our forum, and I know that many couples (and other arrangements as well) have shared experience that will be more supportive and helpful to you.

I want to encourage you to share more about twYd, so we can gain a broader understanding - we're nosy f***ers!!! :) Seriously, we share a lot about ourselves- it helps us create parallels to our own dd situations, and learn and grow. We can also e more supportive if we understand what it is that you do.

I am SO babbling but I am not apologizing.

Please encourage your HoH to join our Tops Forum!

Did I forget to say welcome? Welcome!!!
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Re: How long should it hurt????

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Sat Feb 06, 2010 5:03 pm

also: ONLY YOU know your body. If you think it hurts beyond an appropriate ass whoopin', you're the judge of that. You can discuss it respectfully with your Top and talk about what you and he think your body can really handle, but it is your body.

I apologize if my posts seem heterosexist. I am asking myself if this is a feminist response to the traditional Taken In Hand Male HoH/Female Submissive arrangements that make me dubious about power and consent.

Amiles- I really want to thank you in advance. I am actually hoping that your original post starts some good dialogue. You may notice that we don't ascribe to "traditional values" on this board, and sometimes the responses we generate challenge previous ideas and notions, including my "radical" ones.

I am **sort of** sorry that this is your first response, but alaso excited about some good conversation. I hope that you find this interesting, and not punitive or disapproving. I'm pretty much the only judgemental Bad Cop on the board, and everyone else is tactful and supportive.

Dang, I am rambling today. I guess I'm making up for not having my bottom around. THanks for "letting" (ha, as if you have a choice) me natter on.
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Re: How long should it hurt????

Postby Sara'sGirl(SG) » Sat Feb 06, 2010 6:20 pm

amiles, I'm glad bodack came and answered for you--he's so much more comfortable with the takeninhand dynamic than I am!

And W, your post said exactly the stuff I was thinking, and you put it really nicely too. I also tend to get worried when the Top is the one who initiated ttwd. But that really doesn't make a lot of sense, and I know it's my own personal thing. So I will let W's concerns stand for me as well, and assume that you are a willing partner in this--however much you don't like the spanking itself (which I totally DO get!).

I don't think 2 spankings were out of order, if you want my honest opinion. Lying is HUGE around here, and I wouldn't sit for a week if that was the case. But, again, everyone's threshhold is different--sounds like 30 with the spoon was a good, hard spanking for you--one that was difficult to take. In my mind, that means it was a "good" punishment--one that very clearly told you how unacceptable your behavior was, and is likely to deter that kind of behavior in the future. I would have gotten a LOT more swats than 30 for lying, but again, that's us. :)

I don't USUALLY like the spankings themselves, but I love the feeling of being cared for that way, and knowing that my wife WILL spank my butt if she thinks my behavior is out of line.
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Re: How long should it hurt????

Postby GF1 » Sat Feb 06, 2010 7:22 pm

When I first read your posts, I was sort of wondering what a
wilfull woman is, and if TTWD is consensual for you. I have often had more than two spankings in a day, so that in and of itself to me does not sound like a big deal. Are you getting anything out of TTWD (not that you have to answer me, just something I offer as an idea).
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Re: How long should it hurt????

Postby G.D. » Sun Feb 07, 2010 5:06 am

I too have been wondering about the issue of consent. Do you have a safeword?
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Re: How long should it hurt????

Postby amiles » Sun Feb 07, 2010 9:21 am

[size=150]First of all thank you for your reply's. I must stress that this is a consensual relationship. I think that I just used this forum to sound off and it may have come across one sided. It was my first ever over the knee bare bottom spanking and boy it was a masive shock to me. The events that then took place got me into even more trouble as the next day Steven had to go away (on buisness) and I snapped the wooden spoon and threw it out, I regretted it almost immediately and went and bought a new one. When Steven came home I told him what I had done and explained that I was not thinking straight, and though I want/need a DD relationship I disliked being humiliated and punished, but of course punishment is not suppose to be nice. So again I was punished for the breaking the spoon and yes it hurt and I was again feeling every emotion you can feel during the spanking. You can not go into anything in life and just pick the best bits out of it and disgaurd the things you don't like, life just not like that...... Steven does not like me cry before he starts the spanking as he see's it as me trying to manipulate the situation and I think he has a good point, my tears have helped me out in the past (not with Steven), however when he holds me in his arms and strokes my head while I am crying I have a massive sence of relife.

For the person who asks what is Wilfull: My interpretation of this is deliberately being objectionable, not listening to reason and being defiant. :blahblah:
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Re: How long should it hurt????

Postby bodack » Sun Feb 07, 2010 2:57 pm

Two more cent's worth. I don't think you should have been spanked for that. You corrected your error and fessed up.

I didn't realize the OTK spanking you got in the original post was the first ever. I am sure that was a huge shock.

As some one else mentioned, we are nosey here. Had you ever received any sort of corporal punishment, ie, school paddling, before?

Some friends of mine got spanked with a wooden spoon by their mom when they were kids. They threw it out one day. Their Dad took them to the store to buy a new one and made them gift wrap it and give it to their Mom. They never said if she spanked them for it right then. :rubbutt:

Another site you might find interesting.

http://disciplinedfeminist.blogspot.com/ :blahblah:
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Re: How long should it hurt????

Postby amiles » Sun Feb 07, 2010 3:15 pm

Hi Bodack

I have in the past had corner time and a few swats with my clothes on I had never experienced a true punishment spanking before and to be honest I don't ever want to again (ouch ouch ouch) lol..... I am not being disrespectful by laughing

I don't have a problem with nosey so ask wahtever you want, I am the biggest question asker going..... words banned in our house are: Why, But and if
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Re: How long should it hurt????

Postby Sara'sGirl(SG) » Sun Feb 07, 2010 4:29 pm

Thanks for coming back amiles! I'm glad we didn't scare you off--it's so hard to tell when we're first getting to know someone, and I can definitely see how a first spanking like that just came as a bit of a shock to you!

How are you feeling about it now? Do you feel like 2 spankings were in order?
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Re: How long should it hurt????

Postby amiles » Sun Feb 07, 2010 4:55 pm

I don't seem to follow the norm, in the fact I did not get peace and harmony straight after, even when i was in Steven's arms crying, i was still feeling very sorry for my self and even slightly defiant. Having said that I am in such a good place now, i feel relieved and vindicated of all... but it has taken a week and 3 spankings to get me here, Steven and I went ouy for dinner last night and had a great time, we laughed, we talked and we danced (i love to dance) and th love making was amazing, not that i have a problem in that area but is was soooooooooooo fantastic......
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Re: How long should it hurt????

Postby amiles » Sun Feb 07, 2010 5:44 pm

I cut off rather abruptly earlier, i am sorry.
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Re: How long should it hurt????

Postby YamahaBrat » Sun Feb 07, 2010 6:30 pm

I think if I were caught lying to my husband I would get a lot more than two spankings. That would fall into the serious offense catagory and I am quite sure I'd be VERY sore for at least a week. But that's just us.

How long should it hurt for you? That's between the two of you. When we first got started using spankings, 5 or 10 whacks with a light paddle was a LOT for me (it caused a mild burning sensation), and it didn't really hurt beyond a few hours afterward. We have learned over time that for a (punishment) spanking to be effective, I NEED to feel it for several days after it is delivered.
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Re: How long should it hurt????

Postby amiles » Sun Feb 07, 2010 6:44 pm

thanks for your reply Shelly.

I think I am going to become known as the "cry baby" of this forum, i am such a wimp - lol

Lying is the worse thing I could ever do and I now know that it bares server consequences! It is something that I will never do again, although I do not want to stop seeing my friend so i need to work out how to tell Steven that iw will be seeing her again, sorry not TELL steven but inform him that i would like to carry on seeing her. Any suggestions????????????
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