New long-distance punishments

What punishments have worked for you? Which made you (or your partner) feel frustrated or resentful?

This is the meta forum, focused more on general talk.

New long-distance punishments

Postby THELAW » Wed Mar 03, 2010 1:25 am

My untamed kitten was incorrigible last week. Making poor choices with her eating. (Dreadful ones) Not working out. Excessively saying she was sorry. Negative self talk. So what trouble is kitten in for now?

Wait. Let me back up.

Over the last three weeks we experimented with different styles of DD. I knew with some distance and perspective we would learn a lot about both of us and what we wanted and needed. Last week was almost hands off. What did I learn from that? Kitten needs boundaries. She is perfectly capable of being good most of the time... if there is a push back. Without that layer of accountability on some things, she's going to succeed, but it'll be harder and take more time. I got frustrated when she mentioned that she was eating poorly and felt ashamed, and I decided that we would have to fix that this week. WHY should I allow her to feel terrible about herself when it's easy for me to step in and turn it around?

Some of the other things I was correcting her on, she doesn't need help with. Encouragement and love, yes. But not DD.

You all know that Kitten's living situation doesn't afford her a lot of freedom. However, we have the opportunity for alone time and we are going to use it to address last week's naughty moments. First we will have corner time. The corner will be the shower, where she will stand for a number of minutes, hands on head. Then she will take a cold shower. There will be time in the naughty chair. Then she will use the hairbrush to inflict some long-distance spanking. She already did lines this week.

I've added some other things that are flexible for long-distance DD. One is making her copy passages from books. Mostly these books involve laws, so that's nice and dry. Then there are lines... over a few days right before bed. There is also the very aggravating making her watch sporting events on television while she's online. And making her sit at her desk and do nothing, and watch nothing, and listen to nothing. And the dreaded drinking of V8. Rather than washing her mouth out with soap. (I assure you, Kitten would rather eat a bar of soap than have a sip of tomato juice).

I do adore her, and she is an excellent, untamed kitten most of the time.
THELAW
Rank 1
Rank 1
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 11:51 pm
spam_b: Spam is for Hawaiians
How did you find the board?: Kitten showed me

Re: New long-distance punishments

Postby JMA » Wed Mar 03, 2010 1:17 pm

WHY should I allow her to feel terrible about herself when it's easy for me to step in and turn it around?


i have to say that this is one of the best arguments for ttwd, in my opinion. and i'll add that kitten is lucky to have someone like you.
aka jigsaw analogy
User avatar
JMA
Rank 1
Rank 1
 
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2008 8:15 am

Re: New long-distance punishments

Postby Sara'sGirl(SG) » Wed Mar 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Thanks for sharing this Lutra! I'm glad to hear about how you all are figuring this stuff out long distance! You've definitely had to be creative, but it sounds like you've done so well. I'm interested to hear how it goes.
Nic

Sing 'til you're breaking glass
or you're breaking down

~Idina Menzel

My blog!
User avatar
Sara'sGirl(SG)
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 1064
Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:58 pm
spam_b: I don't like spam. It's gross. Meat in a can is wrong.
How did you find the board?: I found my way over from Punishment Board, which is a great site that you should all go see if you haven't already. But I'm too lazy to try to link it here.

Re: New long-distance punishments

Postby THELAW » Thu Mar 04, 2010 12:42 am

Today we were on the telephone for four hours. Kitten was being disciplined, she was receiving maintenance, and we had a little fun thrown in there too ;) First she had quiet corner time in the shower, standing in the corner with her hands on her head. Then she had to take a cold shower. She reported these events were quite effective.

Next, we had naughty chair time. That was 10 minutes of nothing but me on the phone. Although Kitten had something of a breakthrough during it, she didn't find it terribly effective. I have to agree, because it didn't put her in a position that was out of the ordinary. She cried. Kitten realized that by immediately telling people "sorry," when she did nothing to regret or be sorry about, she was devaluing herself. I'm proud that she got that. Of course I hate to ever see her cry, but I want her to respect herself, so that pleased me immensely.

Then we moved into self-spanking. With a hairbrush and hand. We had several positions. Standing, standing-bent, toes up/legs propped on the wall, hands and knees. It was most effective when I counted out loud, and didn't tell her how long she would be paddled. She took close to 400 to her bottom and thighs. I know she is bruised and red tonight. Then I put her in some stress positions: hands/knees with head down but not touching the floor. (approx 30 min). For part of the time, she had to keep the brush in her mouth - and not talk! Not talking wasn't easy. It wouldn't be for me either! I tacked on time once or twice because she was talking back.

Other stress positions:

standing facing the wall, holding a book on her head, with a pen in her mouth. She also got a lecture about proper posture during this.

laying on the floor, hands on her head, face to the floor, legs crossed. (She hated this one)

kneeling really bothers her knees, so she sat on the edge of the bed. She had to take her clothes off. Arms behind her back. Staring straight ahead.

Finally, she allowed me to test the V8. She willingly swallowed some tomato juice.... oh it was horrifying for her. Eat soap? She would much rather do that any day. Of course that means that V8 is a brutally effective weapon. If I had her keep the tomato juice in her mouth during corner time, that would work well too.

I thought of another possible discipline to do long-distance. Ice cubes. It could be sticking a body part in a bowl of ice; putting ice cubes on your chest, or behind your neck, until they melt. Kitten suggested putting it on the end of the tongue until it melts. We both tried it. That's a sure winner!

If anyone has any suggestions for long-distance discipline, please share with us! It's difficult with Kitten's living situation, but she makes the most of it, she really does.

Overall this was an amazing experience. I learn more and more about Kitten, and about myself. I'm very proud of the way Kitten took it today. I love everything about her. Her humor and good cheer; her snarkiness; her big willing heart; her courage (in so many ways); her intelligence; her love; her bad moods and dark dark days.... and much much more. :mademyday: : love you my kitten
THELAW
Rank 1
Rank 1
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 11:51 pm
spam_b: Spam is for Hawaiians
How did you find the board?: Kitten showed me

Re: New long-distance punishments

Postby Sara'sGirl(SG) » Thu Mar 04, 2010 1:05 am

Wow! Way to be creative!! I'm very impressed, and you two obviously care about each other very much.

I don't know if this feels too much like BDSM for you two, but clothes pins on nearly any part of the body can be uncomfortable/painful, and yet they are completely silent. On the tongue for "language" issues of any sort can be very effective.

Best of luck to you all as you continue this!
Nic

Sing 'til you're breaking glass
or you're breaking down

~Idina Menzel

My blog!
User avatar
Sara'sGirl(SG)
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 1064
Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:58 pm
spam_b: I don't like spam. It's gross. Meat in a can is wrong.
How did you find the board?: I found my way over from Punishment Board, which is a great site that you should all go see if you haven't already. But I'm too lazy to try to link it here.

Re: New long-distance punishments

Postby HerKitten » Thu Mar 04, 2010 1:11 am

She meant to ask for suggestions too for punishments but forgot last night. I believe what we did was effective. You can still chime in though.

We are comfortable calling it discipline now. I put myself through the paces for her, for me. Yep, four hours. I am determined to be a very good girl now. She never stops calling me her good girl though. We are all good, we just err on the side of judgement,

I think TWDD works for us, because instead of being consumed by guilt, I am made to do this task or that, and my guilt is absolved. I don't torture myself any more. And I show my devotion to not just her, but our relationship. I love her absolutely through and through. For what she does for me everyday. We have discovered TWDD keeps us alive and outside ourselves. It gives us new perspective on what we are. I have never felt like I could be in a relationship, let alone this. I have never felt so cared for. This is a woman who will order me to smack my ass, then tell me to go out and treat myself to my favorite lunch, and relax.

We have found ourselves in a vacuum outside BDSM. We're not D/S but I will wear her collar. There is no contract. Our only emphasis is consent. I am not her pet, but I am her Kitten. I do not serve her. In fact, you could say she serves me. She does what I need, without questioning. What more could somebody ask?

And she was right there, asking me what I wanted. I was the one who asked her if I could have to be quiet. I knew what would work for me. And when she mentioned ice as a possible quickie silent discipline, I went to the freezer without being asked, and fetched two cubes. I let them melt on me, and I told her how I felt. I told her "We should put it on our tongues and keep our mouths open while it melts." ..It's very cold, with a slight bit of a pain!

I was the one who said "it's not enough." Just as you have ways of indicating whether you have reached your breakthrough, I had to say if I had or not. And I asked for more. She gave. She had me laying on the floor, in a positon I dislike. When she heard me say "I do not like this," she knew I was getting what I needed. I redlighted once. She immediately stopped. If I had any questions, they are immediately answered. I don't have to fret about holding the position exactly, which I do. I kept asking "But how low is my head?!!"

She will not do anything without testing it herself. I had her get down on all all fours, spoon in mouth, and she held it there for five minutes. She took a cold shower last night and spanked herself with a hairbrush. She came out of it all, knowing how I feel.

But DAMN IT, I HATE THE V8 SO MUCH.

And being told "I DON'T CARE" when I don't want to smack my inner thighs is not nice either.

But my ass is red. My heart is full. And I'm going to bed, kept and contented. A loved kitten.
I listen to THELAW.
User avatar
HerKitten
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 70
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2009 2:30 am
spam_b: It's nice in a Monty Python bit.
How did you find the board?: A link on another site from Google on domestic discipline. A blog?

Re: New long-distance punishments

Postby Disobedient Girl » Thu Mar 04, 2010 1:19 am

That is a formidable list, and an inspirational response. You are make a great pair.
Girl and Bec - different but equal
User avatar
Disobedient Girl
Rank 4
Rank 4
 
Posts: 416
Joined: Wed Oct 14, 2009 3:58 pm
spam_b: i am not a spammer
How did you find the board?: 'punishment book' from a google search, then a link from there to a blog, and thence to this forum, ,

Re: New long-distance punishments

Postby HerKitten » Fri Mar 05, 2010 12:20 am

Tops, making your bottom hold a brush, or spoon, or anything else you intend to discipline them with during corner time in their mouth is a VERY effective punishment. Especially if they're in a tub, or on a tile pile floor, where you can hear it fall.

(Sorry bottoms!)

(TheLaw, I'm allowed to apologize for that)

...I'm having to grip a pen in my mouth right now.
I listen to THELAW.
User avatar
HerKitten
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 70
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2009 2:30 am
spam_b: It's nice in a Monty Python bit.
How did you find the board?: A link on another site from Google on domestic discipline. A blog?

Re: New long-distance punishments

Postby BickaBecka » Sun Mar 07, 2010 12:06 am

What can I say, impressive! I think that I also have a problem with saying sorry too much. However, what really strikes a chord with me is feeling guilty, and then absolved... it's simply magical.
Bec

But there’s no sense crying over every mistake,
you just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
BickaBecka
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 638
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:42 am
spam_b: This time, there's wetware beyond the hardware and software :P
How did you find the board?: Never mind.

Re: New long-distance punishments

Postby HerKitten » Sun Mar 07, 2010 11:49 pm

TheLaw thinks that one of the new things in effect should be us regularly posting on the board things that we do. And since I listen or pay the price..

We have discovered that we like routine and ritual to keep us close. We have tried a few things lately. Here they are. Due to our situation, we had to get creative. As always, she does these when I do them, to get the experience and know if they are good and safe.

Biting things. As I said before, putting an object in your partner''s mouth to hold until you say so is a very effective discipline. She does this just because/to establish authority and for discipline. It can be combined with other things - I've been threatened with lines holding a highlighter in my mouth during the process. We have decided our limit is two times a week, tops, and 20 minutes at the most.

Things to bite: implements. pens. markers. pencils. wet washcloth. hairbrushes. folded belts. straws.

Elastic bands. She asks me to wear a rubber band or elastic band and snap it at random times to remind me of authority.

Ice discipline. This one can happen in several parts.

Ice corners - Cornertime with your mouth open while a piece of ice melts.
Ice discipline - Having to lay still, while ice melts on your neck. ..Not fun.
Inside Ice - Ice in your most personal spot, left to melt. It is so cold. A very effective discipline that will be used sparingly. Not fun. You must without a doubt let it melt a bit and THEN insert it. This is only to be done during a hot shower.

Stress positions - I'm put in these for a certain set of minutes. No more than 6 usually. Just because/authority and discipline.

Hands behind my back
Lying down on the bed, arms to your sides, legs straight, holding up your chin
Holding ears, standing up
Crouching as it sitting, up against a wall

Self-Correction

Hitting my palms with a ruler, hairbrush. Also used to establish authority/just because.
I listen to THELAW.
User avatar
HerKitten
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 70
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2009 2:30 am
spam_b: It's nice in a Monty Python bit.
How did you find the board?: A link on another site from Google on domestic discipline. A blog?

Re: New long-distance punishments

Postby Eayore » Tue Mar 09, 2010 10:13 pm

A great list. This would be useful to anyone for managing a long-distance disciplinary relationship.
User avatar
Eayore
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 1721
Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:43 pm
Location: Ascot, UK
spam_b: What is a spam bot?
How did you find the board?: From the Punishment Book

Re: New long-distance punishments

Postby BickaBecka » Tue Mar 09, 2010 10:42 pm

/me jots down the ice discipline

Thank you :)
Bec

But there’s no sense crying over every mistake,
you just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
BickaBecka
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 638
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:42 am
spam_b: This time, there's wetware beyond the hardware and software :P
How did you find the board?: Never mind.

Re: New long-distance punishments

Postby HerKitten » Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:56 pm

Don't come crying to us, Bec, when the ice cubes has its wrath on you.

We have found a gallery of positions we are finding useful. Sometimes she has me just wait for her in (some of) these so I am linking them below. Some are just too much for us.

Bear in mind, this has adult content and nude (tasteful) pictures. The site is home to classy photos of woman in bondage, but the lexicon is of use to us.

http://www.restrainedelegance.com/previ ... /index.php
I listen to THELAW.
User avatar
HerKitten
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 70
Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2009 2:30 am
spam_b: It's nice in a Monty Python bit.
How did you find the board?: A link on another site from Google on domestic discipline. A blog?

Re: New long-distance punishments

Postby DaddysLucy » Wed Mar 10, 2010 11:59 pm

We have found ourselves in a vacuum outside BDSM. We're not D/S but I will wear her collar. There is no contract. Our only emphasis is consent. I am not her pet, but I am her Kitten. I do not serve her. In fact, you could say she serves me. She does what I need, without questioning. What more could somebody ask?


I think the traditional labels are easy to get caught up in. Daddy and I do a little D/s, a little BDSM, a little DD, and a little vanilla. The labels eventually aren't useful after a certain point, I totally agree!

Also, sometimes when Daddy and I are long-distance he will put me in the corner, without a watch or a cell phone, and just make me stand there until he calls. He also denies orgasms, especially when I have touched without permission.
User avatar
DaddysLucy
Rank 4
Rank 4
 
Posts: 429
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:10 pm
spam_b: I am not a spammer, I promise!
How did you find the board?: Punishment Book, I think

Re: New long-distance punishments

Postby THELAW » Thu Mar 11, 2010 1:33 am

I think the traditional labels are easy to get caught up in. Daddy and I do a little D/s, a little BDSM, a little DD, and a little vanilla. The labels eventually aren't useful after a certain point, I totally agree!


That sums it up nicely, Daddy'sLucy.

Kitten is an ace at research. She always finds the best websites (and sometimes kicks herself for it later). I got a few ideas for stress positions from my exercise too which would be useful and painful. But also there are yoga poses, even on that website Kitten linked, which can benefit the bottoms in times of stress or illness. (Yeah, I hear it Kitten, it can benefit tops, too).

She mentioned that I try everything I ask her to do. I find this really helpful for me. It helps me know about safety, but also what her physical constraints are likely to be, how I can instruct her better (hit here, not here) and even what headspace she is in. I can't completely get in that space, but it certainly makes me think about everything.

There are a few applications for the iPhone that let you program infractions into it and then spin the wheel (or open the door) of consequences. Of course they were designed to manage unruly teens, but they are easily tailored for our needs. iGrounded is the one I like.
Kitten's Lutra - A
THELAW
Rank 1
Rank 1
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 11:51 pm
spam_b: Spam is for Hawaiians
How did you find the board?: Kitten showed me

Next

Return to Punishments

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests