This thing we do

i hate when i tell other ppl bout my relationship with nathan well other guys cause then they automatically think i have to listen to them and do what they want me to

Eek, yeah, I'd have no problem simply informing them that they are NOT my HoH. Well, okay, if it was my, I'm sure I'd have to throw in something snotty about them not being man enough to handle me, but...

Sara's very particular about the fact that I listen and defer to her...NOT tops in general.

i agree i tell them i dont have to listen to them they arent my boss you know it is just stupid how they can even think they r

anybody else hqve this issue??

i'm very choosy about who i tell about ttwd, and so i've had good luck with the responses being pretty much appropriate from the people i've told.

i will tell any1 that asks it is common where i live to be in relationships like that

Hi

Now you've said that, I'm curious where you live. And what are these other guys asking you to do?
Maybe you need to stock up on some standard answers to use especially if you want to continue to be open and all that. What does Nathan have to say while these guys are trying to muscle in and does he even know?

IC

My general method of dealing with Tops that think that just because I'm a bottom/submissive that means they can boss me around is to very bluntly say: "I'm A submissive, but I'm not YOUR submissive." It's a mutual choice and any Top that doesn't understand that is either very new to things or is not the sort to be trusted. If they're new, I'm more than willing to help them along and explain, but if they're not, then I generally don't waste my time.

Hello Cras!!

That's an excellent response to those 'other tops' that you have suggested Cras.

IC

i live in wv in the usa

it is stupid stuff like getting there plates and simple stuff but they never do it till after they find out what me and nathan do. and he knows about some of it but not all of it. he usually says nothing

I think you should try talking to him about it if it really bothers you. He is part of what goes on between the two of you too, and unless it's part of your agreement that you serve others and follow their orders (which it doesn't seem to be since what you've said here indicates that others do it on their own initiative), then you ought to address the issue with him, first so that he knows it's a problem for you and second so that if he continues to say nothing and it becomes an issue between the two of you, then he's not blindsided with the information. Communication is rarely a bad thing.

And as for dealing with the others, unless you're getting things or doing something for everyone as a courtesy (example: "I'm going to the kitchen to get a drink, does anyone else want anything?"), then I wouldn't do the things they're attempting to order you to do. Being a submissive does not mean being a doormat. Be polite about it, but if they aren't respecting you and your person, then you don't need to go out of your way for them. Just my two cents.


Hey DG! Good to see ya!

Thanks i will defentially talk to nathan whenhe gets home cause we seem to always have company

Hi

Every relationship is different and unique to the people concerned so I am only talking here about my own expectations and experience of DD relationships and I must add that I’m no expert and still learning. For me, I feel it is very important to have a clear agreement on what each partner expects from the other in their DD relationship. This includes a discussion about boundaries and what the ‘hard limits’ are e.g. there might be some things/activities/punishments that are definite 'no go' areas for either party and this has to be talked about openly and honestly. If you don’t then it can lead to resentment/anger/mistrust/break ups etc And if both DD partners want to involve others then their part in the relationship has to be clear and agreed too. And consistency is so important especially for the ‘Bottom’ as how else do they know what is expected of them and to my mind any ‘Top’ who keeps moving the goalposts is not to be trusted and is deliberately and unfairly trying to trip up their ‘Bottom’ just for their own pleasure. As cras has said, communication between you two is important and the fact that you are mentioning this stuff on the site suggests it is bothering you. You are not some sort of slave to these other people and from what you say it has not been agreed that you serve them so they have no right to make any demands of you or talk to you in anyway that is disrespectful. Sit down with Nathan and tell him how you feel. If you are fed up dealing with these other guys and you want Nathan to deal with it then tell him you would like that. I sincerely hope it goes well for you.

IC