owl might give me a round of spankings just for asking this question and not coming to her first-- i've been wanting to bring it up several times... but i just don't know how. i mean, to her. i feel like it's such an obvious thing. 'don't associate punishments with sex.' it's difficult because i can't help but get excited, and because we're long distance, the only thing i can do is listen to her when she tells me to dare not touch myself.
... which, of course, makes me feel even more... tempted. /groans
when i get spankings, i'm to do them myself and i usually take pictures. they're painful, of course, and still humiliating-- but how humiliating depends on whether or not i'm on the phone with owl or recording myself and sending her the video. but something about the humiliation and pain really gets to me. even if i'm crying and i can't sit down.
my question is... will more swats do the trick? or will i have to wait until this summer to be... 'broken', i guess you could say, by owl? it just worries me and scares me that i might not be taking punishments as seriously as i could. i am, i think i am, but subconsciously i'm not and i love the feeling of my ass burning after.
and then at the same time, other punishments don't work as well. if i have to spank myself, i'm not going to do it again because i would much rather prefer a ... more tender spanking... than an aggressive one. writing an essay is annoying and a little hard, but long, hard spankings are worse. i just don't know what to do. our sex life is supposed to be kept entirely separate from our regular, every day life. i'm a switch, mostly a sub, but it's still difficult dealing with these feelings. and it's easier to write them than to talk to my Top over the phone with. sometimes i'll be denied orgasms if i've been bad that week. which also confuses me, because those two separate parts of ourselves are supposed to be kept far apart. i don't want them to, but...
does anyone have any other punishment ideas that i can run by my Top and talk with her about? i can't keep rambling on like this.
Last edited by muchinspired
on Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:43 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"Tuna belongs in the sea. I was just helping it be free.”
Matthew, Cabin Fever