To give credit where it's due, that insight about some bottoms wanting their tops to be 'perfect' so we don't have to be perfect any more, came originally from Homeatlast. It certainly did hit home for me too though, and helped to open my eyes a little more.
What to do about it? Here I can only speak for myself. A theme of our 20+ year relationship, that we keep reminding each other about, is "perfection doesn't exist". And recently, I find I am less and less insistent that P needs to punish me in a certain way, speak to me in just the right tone, etc. etc. I take what I get and I'm grateful for it, because I have a lot to be grateful for!