Age-old predicament...

[brightlyblaze]

Hi all. I hope you'll indulge in me venting a bit, and panhandling for advice.

I had pneumonia earlier this winter, and as a result, my asthma has been rough lately. I don't have spontaneous attacks, but chronically labored breathing and coughing fits. I've been dealing with this for 20 years or so, and I'm really good with my meds, so this is not really a problem day to day....

So yesterday, I woke up and knew it was going to be a bad day. The temperature dropped about 30 degrees overnight, and cold air is much harder for me to breathe, blah blah blah. I didn't have class yesterday, but I nanny part-time and was supposed to go to work at 3. Sir is out of town for business and asked me to call him periodically during the day to let him know how I was feeling, and when I talked to him around 2, he said he didn't like the way I sounded and *asked* if I planned on going to work. Admittedly, I knew that what he meant was "I do not want you to go to work." I told him I did plan on going, brushed him off when he suggested that I stay home, and went to work. Partly, I did not think it was a big deal-- the family lives two blocks away, and I knew the baby would be napping, so if I popped in a movie for the older kid (a rare treat) it would be an easy afternoon for me. Also, I hate asking the parents to come home from work last minute- one works an hour away, and the other is a therapist so I feel guilty making her cancel on her patients.

Needless to say, this morning I was informed that I will be spanked tomorrow for my disobedience and for "not taking care of what belongs to him" which is our main principle. I totally balked, thought he was being ridiculous, blah blah blah. Obviously, being disagreeable was a mistake, and he has not budged on my spanking. I know I have to take it, and I told him that even though I disagree I will of course accept it.

But I'm resentful. And I know he keeps spanking until he knows I am contrite and ready to accept that I was out of line. I hate this conflict, when I *want* to submit and apologize and take my spanking gracefully, but..... I think he's being ridiculous!!

Sorry for the monologue. I'll step down. I don't know what I'm looking for, but if you have any input I'd be grateful. I guess I'm just frustrated that I feel like I'm sucking at "submitting."

[JigsawAnalogy]

This sounds like a complicated situation, because you did have an obligation to the family you nanny for, and you felt like it wouldn't make your asthma much worse to go to work, but Sir was right about you needing to take care of yourself. And so on. If I were in your positions in the future, I'd probably want a discussion to take place about the various reasons both of you have.

I wonder whether Sir's decision to punish you isn't so much about the actual act of going to work as it is about the defiance of his authority. You say you knew he wanted you to stay home, and you brushed him off. It sounds from what you said like you didn't have the discussion about how you were going to make your day easier on yourself, and your concerns about leaving the parents in the lurch. So you didn't give him the respect of sharing what you were thinking, and you brushed off his "suggestion" that you stay home. It sounds like you were either deliberately ignoring a command, or not engaging to the point where he would *give* the command.

If this were me and W, I'd need us to have some discussion and maybe some pre-spanking punishment to help me get closer to being in that contrite mindset, because for me, if that didn't happen, the spanking would probably go badly and I'd wind up more upset by the end of it (if I'm not at least a little contrite going into a spanking, it tends to get worse the longer it goes on). So something like a discussion and maybe corner time and an essay or lines would be on order for me, so that by the time my pants are down I'm ready to accept the spanking.

[Julia]

Good advice from JA I think.

In a situation like this, it's not as simple as spanking you for going to work. It's about finding a way to show him that you had considered his opinion carefully and weighed up the situation carefully. YOU knew you had a way of making it sensible for you to go - Sir didn't necessarily have the benefit of that knowledge (at least you haven't told us that he knew what you were thinking).

I agree with JA that communication is hugely important in situations like this. You knew you were avoiding that communication because you didn't really want to hear him order you to stay home - and that's probably why you deserve the spanking. But clarify that between you before your spanking comes around or you might still be over his knee next Christmas!

[Meg]

Um...in our house...O would be pretty mad at me for that, and she would see that as defiance. I *might* be able to weasel out of the spanking because she did not *exactly* tell me not to go to work, but, well, her mood after that would be bad enough that I would had preferred the spanking. "Brushing her off" would not go over well at all.

On the other hand, had I discussed all of that with her *beforehand*, she would have probably agreed and approved the plan and avoided the whole issue. She is generally pretty reasonable if given all of the information. She would have seen it as *her* job to carefully consider everything, not *mine*...and would not be pleased if I did not give her all of the information she needed to make the decision and may very wel have been cause for punishment in and of itself.

[brightlyblaze]

I wish there was a smiley for "sticking my fingers in my ears and not listening because you guys are right and I'm being stubborn."

We talked again last night, and he said exactly what you are all suggesting-- I'm getting spanked for defying him, and for challenging him instead of accepting my punishment. I am always afforded the opportunity to *reasonably* present my reasoning for thinking that he is (cough) wrong, but being disagreeable is a different story. So, in about a half hour, I will be spanked for being disobedient and for giving him a hard time instead of accepting his authority. And I deserve that. He told me to leave the wooden spoon, round wooden paddle (sorta ping-pongish) and leather paddle on the bed.... sorta standard for us. The only question will be whether or not his belt comes off.

But I am still having a hard time with this-- I know I disobeyed, but what he told me to do was dumb. I would understand if I were some kind of "sick" that was affected by germs, or if I had a fever, or something like that-- but asthma isn't going away any time soon. I can't be expected to stay home every time I have a bad day.... I'm sure this will be talked out this afternoon though. Thanks for the support, guys. Wish me luck....

[JigsawAnalogy]

Good luck. It sounds like you might need it.

[Julia]

Good Luck, sweetie.

[brightlyblaze]

Thanks, from a decently contrite girl with a very sore bottom

I sucked it up and apologized for being disobedient and difficult, but also asked if we could talk about what happened so I could explain (although not justify) why I felt it was unfair. He heard me out, and said he appreciated where I was coming form even though I handled it badly-- and we talked a little bit about how to handle that feeling in the future, but the conversation needs to continue after work tonight. I feel better knowing that he really does want to hear my feelings when I think something is unfair, but I need to control how I express it, and I need to accept his authority as the bottom line. Lesson learned.

The initial spanking wasn't too bad. I think he knew I felt really guilty by the time we were done talking and it didn't take long to get me to the breaking point. After I cried it out and apologized, he made me get in the diaper position for the wooden spoon on my thighs, and then he finished with his hand on the inside of my thighs. I understand now though that he had to drive the point home about obedience. Like I said, lesson learned........