I almost don't want answers......

SpankoNanny, WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Here's a section for those questions about discipline. In this case, we're *all* able to stand in for SpankoNanny, and we are all free to ask questions. Got a problem in your household? Check in to see what our good friend (but our firm, strict, caring friend) SpankoNanny has to say.

I almost don't want answers......

Postby brightlyblaze » Fri May 06, 2011 11:52 pm

Backstory: since January, I've had a broken wrist, then bronchitis, then pneumonia, which triggered my asthma worse than ever, and I broke a rib from all the coughing along the way. Sooooo I haven't been to the gym in four months. I'm now 98% healed, and I definitely need to get my butt back in the gym/running and get back to my pre-holiday, pre-injury shape. I like running, but I'm having a really hard time getting back into the routine and fitting exercise back into my schedule.

I asked Sir to help me with this, so we talked it through and agreed that I have to work out three times a week. The catch? He told me that I have to think about an appropriate consequence for breaking this new rule. He wants my input because he thinks the punishment should be directly related to what I am trying to work on to make it feel more relevant-- so does anyone have any suggestions for consequences that might somehow feel appropriate for exercise/weight loss? I appreciate that he's being supportive, but I always hate the pressure of having to suggest a punishment.

Help? Please?
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Re: I almost don't want answers......

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Sat May 07, 2011 10:27 am

If I were thinking of something related, it would involve losing the option of doing whatever it was that I was doing instead of the thing I was supposed to be doing. So if I were supposed to be napping and was instead playing Farmville, I'd lose the right to play Farmville for a few days. And so on.
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Re: I almost don't want answers......

Postby glimmering_girl » Sat May 07, 2011 1:49 pm

JigsawAnalogy wrote:If I were thinking of something related, it would involve losing the option of doing whatever it was that I was doing instead of the thing I was supposed to be doing. So if I were supposed to be napping and was instead playing Farmville, I'd lose the right to play Farmville for a few days. And so on.

that's what i was thinking as well.
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Re: I almost don't want answers......

Postby brightlyblaze » Sat May 07, 2011 8:45 pm

I suggested that..... and he said no.

Then I suggested being "grounded" from particular snacks every time I skip..... and he said no.

Then I suggested being sent to bed an hour early (roughly the time it would take me to do my run)...... and he said no.

So, I started to think he had something particular in mind but that he wanted me to think of it. (I hate games.) I dug through my cobwebbed brain for "things Sir has threatened but never implemented" and I realized what he intended. And I asked him if that was it. And he said yes.

Every time I skip the gym, I will have to do corner time (more like "middle of the room time") naked. I don't usually have much corner time, just the few minutes it takes for him to get implements set out, or if I need a break between sets, so this is new for us as a formal consequence. His reasoning is that I give him a hard time about looking at my body when I don't feel attractive--- so I either need to put in the work to make myself feel attractive, or be punished by having him look anyway.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. He is open for discussion as long as I accept his answer at the end, so we'll see how it goes.
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Re: I almost don't want answers......

Postby cras » Sat May 07, 2011 11:02 pm

I suppose it's a matter of what works best for you. After all, what's punishment to one person is fun and games to another and vice versa. It might be that he had a point in mind when he asked for suggestions, but I do wonder why he asked for suggestions if he had something specific in mind to begin with...although I suppose "to see if you had something better" or "just to play mind games" are acceptable reasons. That would just bug me though; to be asked for suggestions when the other person already knew what they were going to do.

Of course, as a fall back, the suggestions the others gave sound pretty reasonable to me (and I know I'd straighten up pretty quickly if I were going to lose my computer for a few days because that's what I'd be doing if I wasn't doing what I was supposed to). 0:)
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Re: I almost don't want answers......

Postby Desperate4Discipline » Sat May 07, 2011 11:22 pm

Could it be that he asked for suggestions knowing he would turn them down just to make you feel more submissive? :hmmmmm: I am actually asking cause I don't know.
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Re: I almost don't want answers......

Postby brightlyblaze » Sat May 07, 2011 11:22 pm

cras wrote:I do wonder why he asked for suggestions if he had something specific in mind to begin with...although I suppose "to see if you had something better" or "just to play mind games" are acceptable reasons. That would just bug me though; to be asked for suggestions when the other person already knew what they were going to do.


It bugged me too, in a big way! :boom: I asked him why he handled it this way, and he said he wanted to hear what I thought was appropriate, and that he would have been willing to take my idea if I suggested something that he liked the sound of. Unfortunately, the ideas I came up with and the ideas offered here (which I thought were very appropriate, and would be effective) were not what he was looking for. I get where he's coming from, but I'm not happy about it.

He's also been pushing my limits lately with humiliation and sexual submission, so I guess I can't really be too surprised by this.

We've been through this before with other things, and he has accepted my idea at times--- but only when he thinks I've thought of something really great that he hopes will be more effective than what he had in mind himself.

I was really frustrated over this today. :scream: One of those days where I had to keep reminding myself "You need him to be in control, and you agreed to submit...."

Thanks for the feedback, guys. I needed to think this through out loud and I appreciate the sounding board.
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Re: I almost don't want answers......

Postby brightlyblaze » Sat May 07, 2011 11:25 pm

Desperate4Discipline wrote:Could it be that he asked for suggestions knowing he would turn them down just to make you feel more submissive? :hmmmmm: I am actually asking cause I don't know.


You know, I thought about that. Knowing him, that doesn't sound exactly "his style," but from a slightly different perspective I could totally see him making me offer suggestions just to make me think about our dynamic for a while and to go through the submissive act of saying "I think xyz would be an appropriate way to punish me," you know? Making me think of my own punishment sorta feels like the psychological equivalent of having to cut my own switch...... but then have the switch get rejected three or four times before he decides to just go cut it himself? lol
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Re: I almost don't want answers......

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Sun May 08, 2011 12:27 am

brightlyblaze wrote: Making me think of my own punishment sorta feels like the psychological equivalent of having to cut my own switch...... but then have the switch get rejected three or four times before he decides to just go cut it himself? lol


That's an interesting thought...

Still, it would make me really frustrated if W asked me for suggestions when she already had something in mind. Then again, it also makes me frustrated when she asks me for suggestions when she *doesn't* have anything in mind. Really, it's just if we're thinking ahead, and I haven't already broken a rule, that asking for suggestions works. But that's pretty specific to our dynamic, I think.

The punishment he had in mind does seem like it will be effective, and address your specific issues. Hopefully, that will be enough motivation to get you to the gym (or to get you comfortable with him seeing you as you are... I suppose it depends on how much you're not motivated to work out. :D )
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Re: I almost don't want answers......

Postby TryingReallyHard » Sun May 08, 2011 4:01 am

I'm having trouble coming up with an alternative thought... That would be a really effective consequence for me, too! He's not on here...... Is he? RH probably doesn't need to hear this discussed in the Top forum. :pray:
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The hard lessons make the difference, and the difference makes it worth it." -Fireflight
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Re: I almost don't want answers......

Postby brightlyblaze » Sun May 08, 2011 10:18 am

JigsawAnalogy wrote:The punishment he had in mind does seem like it will be effective, and address your specific issues. Hopefully, that will be enough motivation to get you to the gym (or to get you comfortable with him seeing you as you are... I suppose it depends on how much you're not motivated to work out. :D )


I think that might really be his point..... He doesn't particularly care if I lose weight, tone up, gain fifteen pounds, whatever as long as I am healthy. He just wants me to be more comfortable so I stop giving him a hard time about looking at me when I'm on top in bed, mostly
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Re: I almost don't want answers......

Postby brightlyblaze » Sun May 08, 2011 10:20 am

TryingReallyHard wrote:I'm having trouble coming up with an alternative thought... That would be a really effective consequence for me, too! He's not on here...... Is he? RH probably doesn't need to hear this discussed in the Top forum. :pray:


I think it will be REALLY effective, which means I'm dreading it!! :melo:

And don't worry, he's definitely not here lol
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Re: I almost don't want answers......

Postby Eayore » Tue May 10, 2011 5:35 pm

brightlyblaze wrote:I'm not sure how I feel about this.

I'd like to congratulate you for being willing to give it a try and see how it goes. Hopefully you will come to appreciate this as a punishment and see it as a positive step you are taking together. However, if you try it and you really don't feel comfortable about it, then I think you need to tell him it isn't working.

Good luck with getting back into shape after all those mishaps and illnesses over the months!
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Re: I almost don't want answers......

Postby brightlyblaze » Tue May 10, 2011 11:44 pm

Eayore wrote:I'd like to congratulate you for being willing to give it a try and see how it goes. Hopefully you will come to appreciate this as a punishment and see it as a positive step you are taking together. However, if you try it and you really don't feel comfortable about it, then I think you need to tell him it isn't working.

Good luck with getting back into shape after all those mishaps and illnesses over the months!


Thanks, Eayore! I'm really glad to finally be feeling like myself again. And you hit the nail on the head--- I'm willing to trust his judgment and give this a shot, but he does expect me to be honest if something really isn't working for me. I don't necessarily have the kind of serious body issues that would make this humiliating in the "wrong way," so I have a feeling that it is just going to be uncomfortable in a way that I need to accept as effective punishment, know what I mean?

Luckily, I've run twice so far this week and I only have to do three times, so I should be safe for now! :piano:
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Re: I almost don't want answers......

Postby Eayore » Thu May 12, 2011 4:30 pm

Hooray!! - and yes, I understand what you mean.
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