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This thing we do • View topic - Too long, attitude shift - advice?

Too long, attitude shift - advice?

SpankoNanny, WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Here's a section for those questions about discipline. In this case, we're *all* able to stand in for SpankoNanny, and we are all free to ask questions. Got a problem in your household? Check in to see what our good friend (but our firm, strict, caring friend) SpankoNanny has to say.

Too long, attitude shift - advice?

Postby splorange » Thu May 24, 2012 12:22 pm

Ok tops - I have one for you. (Bottoms, I'm sure you're every bit as well informed, but might hold back on me [unless you hate me. Please don't hate me :(]. Regardless, join the discussion!)

I haven't been spanked in 2 weeks, and have a very big one coming tonight. But I am so much NOT in the mood it's not even funny. I'm feeling very happy, self-centred, secure, confident, positive, bossy, and energetic. I'm past bratting, in fact would say I've reached the point where I legit feel like I don't want this, don't need it, want to love my boyfriend and ignore all his advice/orders. However, this is probably a temporary mindset, and even if it isn't I don't want to give up TTWD based on the strength of one day's emotions. So I want to be spanked, EVEN though *I don't need it!!!* *red lights and alarm bells go off in the houses of tops all over the world*

So - what would you do??!!! Take it away, guys! :-D you see? I completely can't take this seriously! I'm an out of control bottom and I love it! (in my defence, it's the sunniest day all year)
'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

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Re: Too long, attitude shift - advice?

Postby blackbird » Thu May 24, 2012 1:16 pm

... when faced with a choice of two or more things, choose them all.
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"

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Re: Too long, attitude shift - advice?

Postby splorange » Thu May 24, 2012 1:19 pm

Great suggestion! But I don't understand how to take it as advice answering my question?

But yes, in general, have both cake and ice cream. :wine:
'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

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Re: Too long, attitude shift - advice?

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Thu May 24, 2012 1:22 pm

When it's been too long between spankings, or when I'm not in a "bottom" mindset, what works best for me and W is for her to be able to get firmly into a top/authoritative mindset before we get started. When she can lead the way, I generally follow, even if I didn't start off there.

The main thing is that I need to be able to be able to get to a more submissive place for it to do me any good.
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Re: Too long, attitude shift - advice?

Postby blackbird » Thu May 24, 2012 1:37 pm

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"

Oscar Wilde
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Re: Too long, attitude shift - advice?

Postby splorange » Thu May 24, 2012 2:21 pm

'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

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Re: Too long, attitude shift - advice?

Postby Nat » Thu May 24, 2012 4:34 pm

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Re: Too long, attitude shift - advice?

Postby artlover » Thu May 24, 2012 11:01 pm

I have no idea what I would do. You are sending mixed messages. I know that I would feel it was important to give you the discipline you had earned. However, doing so under the wrong conditions is likely to lead to issues. It sounds like you are starting to come around to the idea that you should accept your discipline, so it may be safe to administer it. Or it may not.
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Re: Too long, attitude shift - advice?

Postby splorange » Fri May 25, 2012 9:45 am

I wasn't trying to send mixed messages (I think it may have been my over-exuberance), but in hindsight I wasn't entirely clear. I was asking how my top and I should go about getting the right frame of mind for discipline. I had no intention of opting out, because it's a bit pointless to skip it every time you don't feel like it. But I saw it as that I wasn't feeling submissive and the punishment was likely to be ineffective. Blackbird gave me some great advice about not worrying whether it was the right mood or not, so we went ahead with it. We had to do double spanks because I recovered very quickly from the first session, but it did work and I didn't struggle to inhabit a submissive zone for the duration of the spanking - it felt pretty natural. Nor was it difficult to get back my good mood this morning when it was still sunny!

Thanks so much for all your advice, guys! :grouphug:
'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

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Re: Too long, attitude shift - advice?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Fri May 25, 2012 2:11 pm

I'm basically with what JA said...When I'm not feeling it, we usually draw out the process so that I can get in a subby frame of mind. That might mean doing a task that he "commands", getting a long lecture, or him implementing new rules in his dom voice. However, I also think you need to explore WHY you aren't feeling it.

For me, if it's just a day where I don't feel like submitting, or I'm tired, or I want to watch a movie...we proceed in the ways I've listed above. But there have been a few times where I didn't agree with the punishment or the severity of it, and those experiences actually stood to damage our relationship. In those cases, we talked about it the next day and worked toward communicating the problems that led to an unsuccessful punishment. We both agree that for me to be able to stop a punihsment in the middle isn't going to work for us...I'm too manipulative. And the only time he ever was really hurting...or should I say...injuring me...he immediately knew the difference when I asked him to stop. So I kind of know that I can get him to if I need him to, but it's actually healthier for me to submit and then talk about it later than to be able to have that much control.
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Re: Too long, attitude shift - advice?

Postby lana » Fri May 25, 2012 10:16 pm

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Re: Too long, attitude shift - advice?

Postby splorange » Sat May 26, 2012 5:17 am

'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

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Re: Too long, attitude shift - advice?

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Sun May 27, 2012 1:03 pm

W and I have realized that it's necessary that I can stop a punishment in the middle if it's clear that it's not working on the emotional level. The fallout when I/we try to push through has been more damaging.

So it can work both ways, and I suspect that the only way to find out which is true for you would be to work through a punishment when it doesn't feel emotionally right.

I will say that I don't stop punishments in progress to be manipulative, and there are strict consequences for "weaseling" beforehand to get out of a punishment, so it's definitely different from couple to couple.
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