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This thing we do • View topic - Making it work too well?

Making it work too well?

SpankoNanny, WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Here's a section for those questions about discipline. In this case, we're *all* able to stand in for SpankoNanny, and we are all free to ask questions. Got a problem in your household? Check in to see what our good friend (but our firm, strict, caring friend) SpankoNanny has to say.

Making it work too well?

Postby Homebody » Wed May 30, 2012 12:34 pm

Hopefully this post doesnt come out as too much of a rant, because I'm actually in a pretty positive (if frustrated) mood. I have several things I need to vent and the board generally seems pretty accepting of such things. So...Allonsy!

I'm a spanko to the core, been hardwired since I was young. Always a deep dark secret until I was dating my wife, when I wrote her a note proposing a dd-style arrangement (at the time not having read much on the subject). She was open to the idea and I started getting spanked periodically for missing chores.
Over time, we got into playing light bdsm games and switched back and forth. When I was Top, she'd be spanked as part of the game. As time went on, I proposed that we add more chores to the dd plan and that we split them. She was on board and from that point forward we had some kind of dd in place. Since then, weve been married, moved halfway across the country and had a baby. The plan has changed and evolved, but its been active and ongoing.

I've written this history to provide perspective, sorry it was so long. The reason for my post now, and the source of my frustration, is that our plan works *too* well. Chores get done, tasks are completed, we meet our weight goals, it all runs like clockwork.

Great!....but not! For example, I'll give you something fresh from today's events. Last night, I assigned my wife the task of getting her education stuff in order by writing that in the journal followed by an ominous "or else..." This morning I get an email from her telling me how shes called this person and that and getting it all set up.

On one hand, I am very happy shes getting all this done as we want her to get back into school. On the other though...she's too damn efficient :p

How do you spank the perfect girl?

Im far from perfect (and I do think she could hold me to a more exacting standard, but thats a different post), but were in a similar boat with me. I dont miss tasks/chores unless I do so on purpose, which isnt really how this is supposed to work.

How do I fix the perfect broken arrangement?
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Re: Making it work too well?

Postby Nat » Wed May 30, 2012 5:18 pm

The question seems to be: What is the purpose of discipline in your relationship? If it's to make both of you "better" people, the fact that it's working really should be viewed as a success.

But, probably stating the obvious, it seems that since you're "wired" for them, you want spankings as part of the relationship no matter what. Not necessarily or only dd, but certainly ttwd.

If that's the case do you want, and have you suggested, play / role-play spankings, or maintenance spankings, as part of your arrangement? Would your wife agree to that?
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Re: Making it work too well?

Postby Eayore » Wed May 30, 2012 7:41 pm

I agree with Nat. If I were in your position, I think I would be delighted that you are both achieving so much... and I would introduce 'maintenance' spankings to make sure it stays that way.
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Re: Making it work too well?

Postby Homebody » Wed May 30, 2012 9:41 pm

I've thought of that a couple of times over the years, originally very against the idea but I've warmed to it after reading a bit more of the 'philosophy' behind them (accepting and establishing authority). That said, I'm not terribly confident she would be on board with the idea.

As an example, when we first began our joint-dd program, I suggested each of us take a spanking so we could get a feel for what we were doing. She was way not happy with the idea, on the grounds that she hadn't done anything wrong yet :P

Although, in fairness, she did eventually submit. I dunno, stuff to ponder. Thanks for suggestions so far :)
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Re: Making it work too well?

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Thu May 31, 2012 8:25 am

I know that regular spankings that are (mostly) unrelated to my behavior have been a big help for me and W. But we have a more one-way arrangement with spankings, since one of our goals with it is for her to be able to establish authority in our relationship.

The regular spankings help to meet my need for spankings, without requiring me to misbehave to get them. They establish W's authority more effectively, since she is the one in control of them (rather than giving them in response to my misbehavior).
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Re: Making it work too well?

Postby splorange » Thu May 31, 2012 11:13 am

'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

Marni Jackson, 'Pain'
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Re: Making it work too well?

Postby Homebody » Thu May 31, 2012 3:22 pm

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Re: Making it work too well?

Postby lana » Fri Jun 01, 2012 1:10 am

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Re: Making it work too well?

Postby lana » Fri Jun 01, 2012 1:19 am

Homebody
Im very curious to know: When she does earn a spanking, do you suddenly take on the authority dom role (scolding etc) or is the whole thing very matter of fact?? Does she enjoy the dom role when she spanks you?

Its just that im a spanko but only a sub one and I cant imagine suddenly shifting gears and becoming the dom.--and then shifting back and being a sub again. With me, its not really a role as much as a part of who i am.
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Re: Making it work too well?

Postby Homebody » Fri Jun 01, 2012 10:20 am

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Re: Making it work too well?

Postby splorange » Fri Jun 01, 2012 11:54 am

'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

Marni Jackson, 'Pain'
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Re: Making it work too well?

Postby Homebody » Fri Jun 01, 2012 1:31 pm

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Re: Making it work too well?

Postby splorange » Sun Jun 03, 2012 2:15 pm

'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

Marni Jackson, 'Pain'
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