What if? Particularly for Tops but Bottoms too please

SpankoNanny, WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Here's a section for those questions about discipline. In this case, we're *all* able to stand in for SpankoNanny, and we are all free to ask questions. Got a problem in your household? Check in to see what our good friend (but our firm, strict, caring friend) SpankoNanny has to say.

Re: What if? Particularly for Tops but Bottoms too please

Postby Alison » Mon Oct 19, 2009 5:15 pm

I'm amused that people find me frightening... except Danielle ;)

Most of the punishments I give follow a set pattern e.g. 250 with implement x for offence y, but when it comes to acting out I just kind of let loose, as she must need a good spanking or she wouldn't be doing it.
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Re: What if? Particularly for Tops but Bottoms too please

Postby Homeatlast » Mon Oct 19, 2009 7:07 pm

Alison

I would be interested in some examples of what the offence / penalty might be. If you are comfortable sharing. I know we will all be different but it may help gauging how harsh / lenient things are here.
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Re: What if? Particularly for Tops but Bottoms too please

Postby mijita » Mon Oct 19, 2009 10:33 pm

Glad it came across okay.

I think what may make our situation different is partly time - partly a lot of communication. Once I realized that P felt hurt and insulted by my testing behaviors (along the lines of "why do you think I deserve this / why are you setting me up to fail / why do you not trust me?") and that it was killing the urge in him to either look after me or punish me, I had to find a way to trust that he'd be there when I needed him to be. I can't say I don't still have doubts at times and it's true that follow through isn't perfect. But just as I don't get ticketed for jaywalking every time I don't cross at a light and the law is still there, our rules are there even when I don't get punished for breaking them.

One of the things that was a huge revelation to me was that this wasn't all about me -- that Paul has a punishment kink as well. He wants to discipline and punish me. But my testing behaviors make him feel manipulated and insecure -- the exact opposite of the way he needs to feel in order to assume control. Just as it would suck for me if he made me feel bad about my punishment / discipline kink, it sucks for him if I do that. But then because I know he's into this too, it's easier to trust that he'll get back to TTWD even if he or we get distracted for a while.

This didn't happen over night. It took a long time for me to let go of the fantasy of how TTWD would be in an ideal world and how it IS in the real world we both live in as flawed people. The fantasy is still fun, but real life is ultimately what motivates me to get up in the morning.
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Re: What if? Particularly for Tops but Bottoms too please

Postby Julia » Sun Aug 22, 2010 5:32 pm

I was a professional disciplinarian for 7 years until I met the woman who turned me around 4 years ago (that was the battle of the century I can tell you!).

As a top I would have issued a Saturday detention for all the above infractions combined. These are not fun. They last from 7 am until 6pm (assuming perfect behaviour) and consist of a severe corporal punishment, 1,000 lines, lunch hour spent in the corner (with no lunch), back to the lines and finishing with the caning of your life. They are usually topped off with a short evening spent reading something instructive like a dictionary or doing chores and being sent to bed early.

It's painful, it's tedious, it's cold, it's lonely and it's exhausting. You really don't want to go there. I only earned two of them in my whole life and both were hideous. I earned them both by "gross insubordination". That is, she said "Go to the punishment room" and I said, "Not a chance you *****!" It's NOT the best response.

I invented the SD concept in my pro days for a group of ladies and gentlemen who wanted severity and formality. I suffered it my first time because it was merited. The second time I begged for it because my top was at her wit's end and was about to dissolve our DD relationship (What can I say, I'm a bit of a red headed firecracker!) The Saturday detention is our ultimate sanction

However, that's not what I wanted to post. What I wanted to issue was a gentle word of warning. I have had a selection of clients - probably 15 or 20 over the years- who have had relationships with wives / partners who were "less strict" than their submissive partners wanted them to be. The so called "subs"/bottoms pushed and pushed and goaded and laughed in the faces of their "dominant"/top partners once too often. Their partners decided their DD relationship was too much trouble and that they no longer wanted to be manipulated by a so called sub and finally decided they didn't want to play any more. Hence the return of the sub to visiting professional disciplinarians.

I'm not saying this is what is happening with you. I am saying I have seen it before and would caution you to be aware that it is possible and that you don't want to get into that place.
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Re: What if? Particularly for Tops but Bottoms too please

Postby Eayore » Wed Aug 25, 2010 6:42 pm

Thanks, that sounds like good advice from someone who knows. I would say my partner has reached the point of not wanting to play any more, several times in our years together. Fortunately for me (and for which I am enormously grateful) she later relented and started up again... but I know that is not to be taken for granted.

If I may say so, your Saturday detention sounds quite an experience. I think I would like to try something like that one day, just to know how it felt. I'm sure I would regret it though if ever I did.
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Re: What if? Particularly for Tops but Bottoms too please

Postby Punishme » Fri Sep 03, 2010 4:08 am

I would, in both cases, give my wife 100-500 lines, then make her shread them. If it continued she would have to copy out her all the words beginning with her initials in the English Dictionary then shread that as well. Then a really hard spanking, or, if nettle season, nettles in her pants for 10 mins. We take this kind of thing v. seriously since I got fired from my job for it!!!

What do u think?
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Re: What if? Particularly for Tops but Bottoms too please

Postby Homeatlast » Sat Sep 04, 2010 9:36 am

How times change!

I re-read this post and realised that none of the scenarios I wrote about would ever happen now - I wouldn't dare - with IC or GD.

Anyone out there frustrated with getting a DD relationship started, be patient, all painful things come in time :)
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