Just wanted to give a quick update. No, I still have not received my punishment. However, I did share a few of the posts with him, via cut and paste cuz I didn't want him to know what forum I was on. I need a place of my own to get answers.
He said that the punishments are coming, and yes, if I were to repeat an infraction that I have not yet been punished for the prior incident the spanking will come immediately and with full force, no mercy. He did do some practice spanks, clothing on, it stung, no bruises or swelling, and he said that would be about 1/2 the swing he intends to use when he is ready and it will obviously be bare butt. But, he said that I was moving too much, but I couldn't help it, so I imagine he will end up holding my legs down with his leg and he makes me tuck my hands under his lap when I put them over my butt, if one gets loose he holds it behind my back. And he added another incident, so now I'm up to 6. All valid, all serious, and all different.
By the way, do lexan paddles break? He mentioned the second to last incident (the 5th one) he plans to spank me until the paddle breaks. I trust him, he won't cause physical damage, but do they break?
The 5th incident was a really bad incident. I read another poster was suicidal. Its something some of us are born with and we just have to hope God is there when we are attempting to follow through with our plan. There are some people that want attention, there are others that for various reasons have a plan on how we will carry it out, we have a place we go to so we cannot be interrupted, and God willing we talk ourselves out of it and pray no one finds out we went to that place. In my life time this has been about my 10th time that I actually started the process. I hope the spanking hurts enough that there is never a 11th time. He doesn't chase me, he prays, but he knows and checks for the signs when I come back for a hug. I have had a lot of people hurt me, I reverse the pain they caused me, and start believing that it was me that hurt them and that I shouldn't be able to damage anyone else again. Suicide also runs in my family history. We have learned that there is nothing we can do about it, but pray that God helps us fail at it. So if you are suicidal and not looking for attention, remember we can only get to God by dying on his terms, and use him to guide you past your feelings. There is no therapy that can replace God.
Thank you to everyone that posted and shares in my pain of waiting for it to be done and behind me.