i've got a couple of thoughts.
first, i agree with disobedient girl that it generally works well to start with just a couple of rules and slowly work up from there.
one thought is that, in most of the relationships i've observed, it takes a while to sort things out, and it takes work to *keep* them sorted out, in re: ttwd. so communication is key. you want to talk with your partner, but it may also help for the two of you to write about the things you're thinking about. w and i do this with a private blog, which means (since we've got smartphones) that we can access it anywhere at all. we used to put things into a physical notebook, and still do put some stuff in there, but the private blog is the main place we use for written communication. one of the things we have is a post-punishment checklist, with questions geared to figuring out what worked well, and what didn't work well. there's also a page we use to keep track of times i've earned a punishment, and haven't yet received it.
you may also try googling "EZCP", which is a "punishment generator." if one of you is even a little computer-savvy, you can edit the files so that the punishments and consequences are more in line with what you're working on, and with what punishments work for you.
you might also see if your partner is willing to join the board, and can get support from the tops on here. ttwd is a challenge from both sides, and it can take a partner a while to figure out their role.
good luck with this. i sympathize with the ways that it's frustrating to know something can help, but feel like it's not quite doing the job yet!