confused

Whether we call it "domestic discipline" or "rules" or "structure" or just "getting our needs met." This is a spot for those meta discussions about what it is that we do.

confused

Postby ditzygirl » Mon Jul 26, 2010 3:48 pm

what is the bottom top thing everyone keeps talking about?? we just began dd and i want to learn more
ditzygirl
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 35
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 3:42 pm
Location: usa wv
spam_b: I am not a spammer!
How did you find the board?: dd relationships google

Re: confused

Postby Homeatlast » Mon Jul 26, 2010 4:22 pm

Bottom and Top are common terms used in DD to explain the roles people have in their relationship. The Top is the spanker and the Bottom is the spankee - in simplistic terms!

Not everyone uses these terms and there are others such as Dom and Sub (Dominant and Submissive) and probably others that I don't know as well. I am hardly an expert.

I think each DD relationship is unique and means something different to each couple (or disciplinarian and Bottom - not necessarily in a couple - or might be a threesome - or more - or whatever!)

There are no set rules except the ones you and your partner choose to make. There is no right or wrong way to do this thing we do. Many of us on here find it is a constant learning situation and renegotiation. What I think you will find is common, on this board at least, is the love and understanding the people involved in ttwd give to their significant others and their friends here.

Please tell us a little more about how you practice or would like to use DD in your lives and feel free to ask more questions as you go.
User avatar
Homeatlast
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 695
Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 11:22 am
Location: North west England
spam_b: Spam spam chopped pork n ham. Not for me!
How did you find the board?: Whilst browsing other sites

Re: confused

Postby ditzygirl » Mon Jul 26, 2010 5:12 pm

well he is the hoh so what he says goes we are new so we are still setting rules and such
ditzygirl
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 35
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 3:42 pm
Location: usa wv
spam_b: I am not a spammer!
How did you find the board?: dd relationships google

Re: confused

Postby bodack » Mon Jul 26, 2010 8:01 pm

What are you trying to get out of a DD relationship that can't get out of a traditional modern relationship? What do you see in your friends relationship that you don't like? I am a little uncomfortable with "he is the HOH and that is the way it is going to be" attitude. The people on this board seem to like DD because it works them both as individuals and as couples. It doesn't seem like this is the case in your relationship.
bodack
Rank 3
Rank 3
 
Posts: 140
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:05 pm

Re: confused

Postby ditzygirl » Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:43 pm

i want the feeling of his control. as for what i dont like in others relations around me is the disrespect
ditzygirl
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 35
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 3:42 pm
Location: usa wv
spam_b: I am not a spammer!
How did you find the board?: dd relationships google

Re: confused

Postby Sara'sGirl(SG) » Mon Jul 26, 2010 10:51 pm

I can understand that--I've never cared much for people who were disrespectful to their partners--I've always felt it reflected poorly on them!

I use Top and bottom pretty generically just to indicate who is the spanker/Top (typically the HoH, if you will) and who is the spankee/bottom. Sometimes I'm a submissive to my wife, and sometimes I'm a slave, and sometimes I'm a young woman in need of *ahem* a firm hand...for me "bottom" encompasses all of these roles in a more generic way.
Nic

Sing 'til you're breaking glass
or you're breaking down

~Idina Menzel

My blog!
User avatar
Sara'sGirl(SG)
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 1064
Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:58 pm
spam_b: I don't like spam. It's gross. Meat in a can is wrong.
How did you find the board?: I found my way over from Punishment Board, which is a great site that you should all go see if you haven't already. But I'm too lazy to try to link it here.

Re: confused

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Tue Jul 27, 2010 12:23 am

i use the terms pretty broadly to refer to spanker (top) and spank-ee (bottom).

in my own relationship (as most members know) there's a lot of blurriness as to who's more dominant (well, ok, i'll admit that it's my tendency to be more dominant... it's just not necessarily a tendency that works well for us). and i'd have to admit that i might get to a point of being properly respectful, but i'm rarely what one might call "submissive." but w's definitely the top... most of the time. ;)

my general comment on a ttwd relationship, though, is that for it to work well for everyone involved, there generally needs to be a lot of communication happening. i suspect, sometimes, that it's the conscious communication, and not necessarily the spanking, that makes relationships with ttwd go more smoothly. if people are taking the time to express what they need and want, and working on effectively connecting with each other, they can only benefit.

just my opinion, of course, but i've rarely seen a relationship damaged by good communication!
User avatar
JigsawAnalogy
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 2875
Joined: Sun Oct 14, 2007 9:44 am
Location: New York
spam_b: I am not a spammer, I *delete* spammers!
How did you find the board?: Hm. Well, I was poking around in my imagination, and there it was.

Re: confused

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Tue Jul 27, 2010 1:00 am

I'd like to wait on commenting until I get a better sense of your situation and dynamic. Please feel comfortable and welcomed enough to help us get a better sense of your relationship. How long have you been together? How was DD approached? Was it your fiance's idea? What was the response from the other partner?

What does DD mean to both of you, and what do you both hope to get out of it? I'll tell you, if you're doing it because it's what he wants and you want to be a "good wife", I assure you it won't work.
W-Jigsaw's Boss

"I am loving, firm and flexible. Kind of like Lexan."
:cheesy:
User avatar
W-Jigsaw'sBoss
Cheesy Goodness
Cheesy Goodness
 
Posts: 994
Joined: Sun Oct 14, 2007 11:22 am
Location: New Yawk!
spam_b: Still haven't tried spam musubi.
How did you find the board?: I married a(n equally) smart lady who made it.

Re: confused

Postby ditzygirl » Tue Jul 27, 2010 8:10 am

what is ttwd?
ditzygirl
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 35
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 3:42 pm
Location: usa wv
spam_b: I am not a spammer!
How did you find the board?: dd relationships google

Re: confused

Postby ditzygirl » Tue Jul 27, 2010 8:14 am

we have been together for 6 years in november it was my idea. we both approached it witha open mind cause b4 we even knew other ppl did it we were kinda do it. he would spank me for my attitude and language a lot.
ditzygirl
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 35
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 3:42 pm
Location: usa wv
spam_b: I am not a spammer!
How did you find the board?: dd relationships google

Re: confused

Postby Sara'sGirl(SG) » Tue Jul 27, 2010 11:08 am

ttwd is "this thing we do" which is kinda a generic term for domestic discipline. Some of us are strictly DD, some are into dominant/submissive or Master/slave roles...ttwd just means, this thing that we do, however it plays itself out for you and your partner.
Nic

Sing 'til you're breaking glass
or you're breaking down

~Idina Menzel

My blog!
User avatar
Sara'sGirl(SG)
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 1064
Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:58 pm
spam_b: I don't like spam. It's gross. Meat in a can is wrong.
How did you find the board?: I found my way over from Punishment Board, which is a great site that you should all go see if you haven't already. But I'm too lazy to try to link it here.

Re: confused

Postby ditzygirl » Tue Jul 27, 2010 11:17 am

oh now i feel stupid lol i should have know that
ditzygirl
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 35
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 3:42 pm
Location: usa wv
spam_b: I am not a spammer!
How did you find the board?: dd relationships google

Re: confused

Postby Disobedient Girl » Tue Jul 27, 2010 4:29 pm

Gosh, Ditzygirl ... don't feel stupid about that. I don't think you are the first to ask at all.
Girl and Bec - different but equal
User avatar
Disobedient Girl
Rank 4
Rank 4
 
Posts: 416
Joined: Wed Oct 14, 2009 3:58 pm
spam_b: i am not a spammer
How did you find the board?: 'punishment book' from a google search, then a link from there to a blog, and thence to this forum, ,

Re: confused

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Tue Jul 27, 2010 4:52 pm

You started dating when you were 12?
W-Jigsaw's Boss

"I am loving, firm and flexible. Kind of like Lexan."
:cheesy:
User avatar
W-Jigsaw'sBoss
Cheesy Goodness
Cheesy Goodness
 
Posts: 994
Joined: Sun Oct 14, 2007 11:22 am
Location: New Yawk!
spam_b: Still haven't tried spam musubi.
How did you find the board?: I married a(n equally) smart lady who made it.

Re: confused

Postby ditzygirl » Tue Jul 27, 2010 9:28 pm

yup 2 days b4 my 13the birthday!!
ditzygirl
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 35
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 3:42 pm
Location: usa wv
spam_b: I am not a spammer!
How did you find the board?: dd relationships google


Return to What it is that we do

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest