a husband's punishment

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a husband's punishment

Postby testing » Fri Dec 10, 2010 8:14 am

I would like to hear people' s thoughts on the question
"How does a man/husband cope when HE finds himself in error?"
I am definitely the head of this home, but I am not perfect. I fail too sometimes - more often than I should like. Is it right, in these circumstances, for my wife to chastise me? There are times, and this is one of them, when I KNOW i deserve not just a spanking but a full blooded hard caning.
if a wife/woman is subject to her husband/man then how important is it that he should be subject to a strict code.
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Re: a husband's punishment

Postby Julia » Fri Dec 10, 2010 11:53 am

Oh Testing! The 50 million dollar question!

Unfortunately I don't think there is a 50 million dollar answer! It's all very individual. Firstly, you should know that you are not alone. I think every top that ever got into a relationship gets it wrong sometimes. Obviously! What you do about it is a very much less obvious thing.

IF the basis of your relationship is sexual/sensual, you probably don't NEED to do anything about it because it's all about getting some sort of physical/psychological satisfaction. That's fine for anyone who has that sort of relationship. The problem is, if you have done something and you're feeling bad enough to say you deserve a caning, I doubt you have that sort of DD relationship - at least not exclusively that type anyway.

So do you have the sort of disciplinary arrangement where your bottom needs her top and you want to give her what she needs? If that's the case, she won't even have noticed you did something wrong because she will only see you as a top. But equally if you are just giving her what she needs (and I hope getting something out of the administration of discipline too) then you are unlikely to be feeling bad enough to ask about a caning. So that's unlikely too. Which is good. Because a bottom who is 100% bottom who worships her top can give the impression of being a bit demanding.

If you have a brat on your hands, the chances are she'll poke some fun at you for a while until you spank her (or something). Nightmare! "It's all about MEEEEEEEEE!" scenarios are pretty frustrating at times like this.

BUT, if you have a bottom who wants you to get as much discipline as you need - just the same as you want for her - then why not talk to her about it? She might be able to switch for a while if she knows how you feel. If not, she might be willing to help you find someone else who can help you out. Professionals have a real place at times like this. You could possibly go together and get the job done. Or if you have a sympathetic spanking friend?

The point is, in a good TTWD relationship, both of you will be getting what you need. And if that means that on this occasion you need to have your conscience purged with some CP, you should be able to negotiate a way for that to happen. If that means you need a code of conduct as much as she does, well then you should be able to at least discuss the possibility and find a way through it.

In the end it's all about what you both need. Talk to her. See how she reacts.

And enjoy your caning!!! :nanana: :nanana: :nanana:
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Re: a husband's punishment

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Sun Dec 12, 2010 9:38 am

It also doesn't necessarily have to be about physical punishment, if that's not something that would work in the dynamic of your relationship.

W and I don't have a dynamic where I am "subject" to her. Most of the time we operate as equals, but W doesn't get spanked, and generally doesn't get punished. It's not that she hasn't messed up, it's that our dynamic doesn't work that way. So for her, it's about finding other ways to make peace with herself (and with me) when she's made a mistake. She finds ways of taking responsibility for her actions, and we find ways together for her to not repeat the things that have been harmful to us.

It's my fairly firm belief that it's unfair to tops and bottoms both to assume that a top is infallible, since that's a pretty realistic expectation for the top to live up to. Presuming they are human, they are likely to make a mistake at some point or another, and the dynamic needs to have room for that to happen without destroying trust.
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Re: a husband's punishment

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Thu Feb 24, 2011 7:31 pm

I think that one of the things that makes our relationship WORK is knowing that we're each human and fallible. I wouldn't be a genuine authority if I pretended to be perfect.

As long as each partner is holding themselves accountable in a way that upholds the dynamics you've set, authority doesn't have to be challenged. Imagine working for a boss that refused to admit when they screwed up. Would you respect them? Hell no. Think of how you would treat a subordinate if you were the one to screw up, and go from there.
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Re: a husband's punishment

Postby Meg » Thu Feb 24, 2011 10:05 pm

As long as each partner is holding themselves accountable in a way that upholds the dynamics you've set, authority doesn't have to be challenged. Imagine working for a boss that refused to admit when they screwed up. Would you respect them? Hell no. Think of how you would treat a subordinate if you were the one to screw up, and go from there.


That is a really good way to look at things.

Obsidian and I do maintain the dynamic pretty much 24/7, not just in bed or regarding discipline. It is not perfect.....but it works better for us that way. It is a bit complicated because at work, because I am a professional, and right now Obsidian is working at my office...I do have to be in charge there...sort of. It was a lot harder when I had other staff, but the economy turned us into a bit of a mom and pop shop (mom and mom?) We are a bit of a butch/femme couple, so mom and pop kind of works. (I am sure there is a more modern pc term...but well...that is what I know). Anyways, it is much easier to maintain our dynamic, and only have to "switch" so to speak when clients are around.

I digress, but I know that Obsidian has had the same question. Disciplining her is way out of the question. I suppose I would if she really wanted it, but she doesn't. I am glad that she doesn't, because I think that would be way weird for me. I like the analogy, though, W.
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Re: a husband's punishment

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Sun Mar 06, 2011 9:54 pm

It's such an interesting thing. Half of my mind is always occupied on arguing that disciplinary relationships between two women are valid despite the lack of a MALE head of household, and fighting the belief that ttwd stems from the natural role of the man, blah blah blah.

Then you throw the butch/femme dynamic in and it REALLY gets interesting.

In our home, we are what I like to call "butch of center and femme of center". Neither of us is a hardcore representation of the butch/femme roles, but in many ways we do operate on them.

On the other hand, we also enjoy the ways that we screw around with those roles. I am more femme, but I am the person that goes to a job every day. When I get home, I like dinner to be ready. If I drank, I imagine J handing me a martini when I walked in the door. :hmmmmm:

J sews. She's really good at domestic stuff. On the other hand, she's also good at mechanical stuff- she is the Fix-It person in the family.

How does all this relate to discipline? I am having a hard time putting all these thoughts into words. I find it interesting to compare who is the top and who is the bottom in the couples (and other) on this board. Some of our folks in female only relationships (boy,wording this is proving difficult!!!) do not appear to identify as butch/femme, which of course is fine!!!

I've talked my mind into knots. What are your thoughts on this? J is outwardly bossy and toppish, though I do not think this is connected to her butchness, or is it? My being a disciplinarian is meant to even out the power balance in our relationship. Are femmes naturally submissive? I don't know. I'm just thinking it out. :teeter:
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Re: a husband's punishment

Postby Meg » Sun Mar 06, 2011 10:41 pm

Hi W....I think that I will start a new thread regarding the butch/femme dynamic and ttwd...to start the discussion.
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