Crying?

Whether we call it "domestic discipline" or "rules" or "structure" or just "getting our needs met." This is a spot for those meta discussions about what it is that we do.

Crying?

Postby FootballJunkie » Tue Mar 15, 2011 11:44 pm

Ok, T and I were talking last night and the subject of crying came up. He had just spanked me in order to give me an emotional release, which is what I needed, but I still didn't cry. To clarify, I got the emotional release without the tears. That was fine but I asked him if he thought he would ever spank me to tears. He wasn't sure that he could. To him there is a massive difference between crying from the pain and crying because of an emotional release or feeling because you've done something wrong. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, and T has yet to spank me to tears even though he has spanked me to where I feel like I can't take anymore. However, there is a beast within me that wonders (wants??) him to spank me to tears. I want to know what it feels like to get that far, how bad my butt will hurt afterwords, and that I can endure that far. On the other hand, T has a valid point - he doesn't want to hurt me (more than to get the point across).
Anyways, thoughts? Does anyone else here have an incredibly high pain tolerance and can't cry even when they want to? What are your thoughts on pain crying vs. emotional crying during a spanking, etc?
Thanks!
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Re: Crying?

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Wed Mar 16, 2011 7:49 am

For me, crying is all about where I am mentally and emotionally, and not at all about the pain. Sometimes, even a few quick smacks will have me bawling, and other times, W can go on for hours and I don't cry at all. (Well, okay, tthe times I can think of where she went on for hours, we were at play parties, and it was fun spankings, even though they were a lot more intense than the majority of punishment spankings I've gotten).

My response to pain mostly isn't to cry just from the pain, so for me it makes sense that a spanking would make me cry for emotional reasons rather than the pain on its own. And they dont' always make me cry, and whether or not I cry has very little relaitonship to whether the spanking was effective or whether it helped me to an emotional release. I've found it most helpful not to worry much about whether or not I cry, and to focus more on other indicators of how I'm feeling.
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Re: Crying?

Postby Meg » Wed Mar 16, 2011 1:46 pm

As a general rule, spankings don't make me cry, no matter how hard or long. They just don't. Scolding or verbal reprimands might...but, when this happens, it is usually not good. I tend to cry more if I am angry or triggered. My response to normal discipline, when it is effective, is more to get rather quiet and soft spoken, which freeked O out at first, until she got used to it, because it is so unlike my normal demeanor.

Everyone is different though.
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Re: Crying?

Postby Julia » Wed Mar 16, 2011 3:36 pm

Spank me too hard....I get tough.

Spank me too fast......I get tense.

Spank me too lightly.....I get frustrated.

Noticing a pattern here? Yup, no tears. The idea of being spanked so hard or fast that I start to cry is a really appealing fantasy to me. In practice, it doesn't happen. Ever.

This may be a little too much information for safety.....but I trust you. :brow: The only thing that makes me cry is when I have done something genuinely bad, a punishment is made inescapable, I have to face my fault head on and pay the price for it and (crucially) the tone of the punishment is, "I'm doing this because you did XYZ thing and I care enough for you to not allow you to get away with it." Ouch. :blush: :blush: :blush:

I think it's the combination of my own regret and the application of punishment by a caring but implacable other. In the past it has usually involved a very long spanking (usually with hands and other implements) in a physically close position (OTK basically).

For me, crying is a manifestation of the deepest and most complete form of submission I am capable of. In 20 years of TTWD, it's happened maybe four or five times.

In summmary - yup, it's definitely emotional rather than physical for me.
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Re: Crying?

Postby yoregirl » Thu Mar 17, 2011 1:58 am

I may cry a little easier than some, but I would have to agree with the general consensus here that crying is a result of my emotional state. I don't always cry when punished, but when I know I really stepped across the line my punishment usually leaves me in tears.

It was surprising to me the first time it happened. BF and I got into an argument and I started yelling (bad move!) So over his knee I went for the hairbrush. You asked how much your butt would hurt afterwards, for me it lasted several days. I could barely pull my pants up after my punishment. Still, I would say the crying was much more emotional than it was about the pain.
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Re: Crying?

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:45 pm

In the beginning, I'd spank J until she cried. I thought that was the release, and that was the response I was looking for.

I have realized that it's WAAAAAY more nuanced than that, unfortunately. :thinking:
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Re: Crying?

Postby Meg » Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:22 pm

I just had a thought about this...because there is a certain timing to punishment, and when there has been enough. Not every spanking requires this...because, at least in our house, most offenses are relatively minor...they deserve discipline, but not a full release. What I am talking about here is a more severe punishment.

It would be nice if crying was the gauge, but it is *much* more nuanced than that, as W said, and doesn't happen for everyone.

I think that the gauge is how both partners *feel* after the discipline. After a serious discipline session that has gone well for us, I will feel submissive and contrite about my behavior and O will feel very tender, protective, and forgiving of me. Aftercare is natural, because our first response is to hug, usually for while on the bed. If I am still defiant, angry, guilty or frustrated, or if O is still angry or upset by my behavior...it is not enough...and more discipline and/or discussion is necessary.

Oh, to clarify...for me, there is a difference between feeling guilty and feeling contrite. For me, feeling guilty, is..."I did so and so....I am a horrible, rotten person," and feeling contrite is, "Oh goodness, I did so and so. A better way to handle that would have been so and so....I'll try and do better next time."
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Re: Crying?

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Mon Mar 21, 2011 6:09 am

amethyst wrote:I think that the gauge is how both partners *feel* after the discipline. After a serious discipline session that has gone well for us, I will feel submissive and contrite about my behavior and O will feel very tender, protective, and forgiving of me.


Yes, definitely. If I haven't had enough, I tend not to respond by being as affectionate to W. It's not conscious or intentional, but it's a really clear gauge of whether the discipline has been sufficient. I will often feel pretty contrite before a spanking even starts, but I still need W to follow through with the punishment--she might be less harsh than she would be if I were still defiant, but I still need that conclusion to things (or else it would be harder for me to get to the point of being contrite the next time).
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Re: Crying?

Postby Manda » Tue Apr 19, 2011 9:30 pm

I don't usually cry when R spanks me, but knowing I disappointed him is enough to make me very contrite. However, when he knows I need the release or I have made a really big mistake he will spank me with a wire coat hanger and it works with just a few swats. Hurts like heck but it gets the job done and it gets the horrid guilty feeling to go away once he forgives me. Sometimes I need it.
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Re: Crying?

Postby TryingReallyHard » Thu Apr 21, 2011 12:36 am

amethyst wrote:As a general rule, spankings don't make me cry, no matter how hard or long. They just don't. Scolding or verbal reprimands might...but, when this happens, it is usually not good.
<snip>
Everyone is different though.


:yeahthat: If I cry during a spanking, it is because of the things RH is saying or how I'm feeling about it all rather than the pain involved... but for us- me reaching that point is a very good thing. It lets me feel "reset" and able to feel forgiven and close to RH. When a spanking goes well it is an almost immediate change to tender/sweet/loving even sometimes playful household,
I miss it.
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Re: Crying?

Postby accidentallycrazy » Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:25 pm

I have personal issues with crying. My fantasies of punishment have *always* included the discipline ending with the bottom very sorry and tearful, with the tears being a natural, emotional release. I had always hoped I'd have that someday.

The reality of it is that I don't cry in front of people. I experienced severe bullying as a child over a period of 5-6 years that taught be that crying in public was a Very Bad Thing and made things worse. So now I've found that even when I'm with someone I trust and I *want* to cry, the tears don't come. In an ideal world, I would have that 'final' emotional release but we don't live there and never will XD But how we wish!

I do agree with others in that I don't think *every* spanking would result in tears even if I did usually cry. There would have to be a big reason for the tears and I don't think i'd like to be spanked to the point where it's purely the physical pain causing my tears. And I do get a fantastic emotional release even without actual tears :)
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Re: Crying?

Postby PrttyinPnk » Sat Jun 25, 2011 5:34 pm

My fearless leader can usually tell if its effective...I'm pretty expressive facially, and I can't help it. When a spanking hasn't been effective, I feel rebellious and therefore, I scowl.

But I do cry relatively frequently. It's not really a response to the spanking, its always in response to the lecture. He lectures REALLY well. Sometimes, I feel like I'm going to start crying before the spanking starts :melo:

I hold out as long as I can. But when he starts lecturing at the same time that he's spanking me, I'm a lost cause. I hate disappointing him.

Sometimes he neglects to lecture. Then I don't cry. But those last forever because its harder for me to feel contrite when he hasn't told me his side of things.
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