doubts and misconceptions

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doubts and misconceptions

Postby lilly » Wed Aug 10, 2011 3:20 am

hello everybody. I am from Italy. DD is not very well known in my country, and generally misconceived. it's considered a kinky old fashioned perversion, and it really does not help me. We have been together for years and recently he proposed me to introduce DD in our lifestyle.
I think it could be very positive under many points of views (then I'll tell you why)
I surfed the net but I still haven't found all the answers I need...
I am sure you can help me!

first of all: DD would be based on my full submission to his authority. Submission is again a bad word in my environment. I am an educated person with a professional work and it seems quite unconceivable that I can do such a thing. it conveys a lot of bad perceptions. how would our relationship change if I submit to him? will he lose respect for me, or feel that I am less valuable? will I be a stepback in his perception? (I'd really appreciate also a male perspective)

And how can I be really submissive, as I've neve had to? do you have any techniques, tricks, advices, exercises?

Is there any EU book -as far as you know - non-fictional, handbook-like that can help me? A part of your valuable advices :-D

He told me that in case I should agree that he can correct me, I will have to accept his decisions on punisments. Again I've seen a lot of photos of implements that seem horrible to me... what would it happen if he chooses one of them for me, if I had him my unconditional consent to spank me?

please, help me!
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Re: doubts and misconceptions

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Wed Aug 10, 2011 10:43 am

I think there can be a lot of give and take in a relationship, and the important thing with discipline is finding what works best for the people involved in a particular relationship. For me, a lot of the answers had to come from the experiences W and I had in doing this thing we do, and from paying attention to how it made me feel, and how it made her feel. Other peoples' experiences could be helpful up to a certain point, but mostly we had to pay attention to what worked for *us*.
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Re: doubts and misconceptions

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Thu Aug 11, 2011 2:26 pm

I think my question for you is this:

What are **your** reasons for having DD in your relationship? So far all I hear is that your partner wants it, but do you? There is more to DD than just doing it to please your partner. There must be some need that it fulfills for you or it just won't work.

I would urge you to think about what DD means for **you**.
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Re: doubts and misconceptions

Postby Meg » Thu Aug 11, 2011 6:26 pm

Hi lilly,

Please note that this is just *my* opinion here...but I have a few thoughts on what your partner is suggesting.

lilly wrote:DD would be based on my full submission to his authority.


I'll be honest, in my experience, such "full" submission is only possible in fantasy and fiction. In real life, it rarely works that way. I would not start with such a high expectation, and no matter what your partner says, it is highly unlikely that he is ready for the responsibility of your "full" submission...because that requires a *great* deal of Topping on his part. I would suggest starting with a few rules that you have to follow, with penalties if you don't...and see how that goes. As you each gain experience and trust with each other, you can both see how far you want to take it.

lilly wrote:He told me that in case I should agree that he can correct me, I will have to accept his decisions on punisments. Again I've seen a lot of photos of implements that seem horrible to me... what would it happen if he chooses one of them for me, if I had him my unconditional consent to spank me?


I also think that this is a bit much to start with, particularly as you, at least, are a novice to this. One of the things that Obsidian and I do is to test new implements/punishments (usually with a planned scene that is not related to an offense, or related to a past offense we have not dealt with). This way we can both see how we will each respond to the punishment in a setting that is less emotional than a recent offense or fight. Obsidian and I have been together for over 16 years, and she has been spanking me in one form or another on and off for about 10 of those years. We both know each other pretty well, so she knows my limits and I know hers...yet, we STILL have to talk and negotiate things. Maybe try a hand spanking, and see how it goes...then move up as time goes on if it works for both of you.

Submission, at least for me, has been a journey, and I am still working on it. It is not something that comes all at once. It takes time to develop trust in each other and to learn each other.
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Re: doubts and misconceptions

Postby artlover » Thu Aug 11, 2011 9:13 pm

I was going to say a bunch of stuff, but amethyst said it better.
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Re: doubts and misconceptions

Postby Need-to-lead » Thu Jul 12, 2012 7:11 pm

Lilly, I can't answer all your questions, but I can tell you that submission is the most precious gift you can give him. I can't imagine an HOH thinking less of his woman for granting him this gift. (I'm assuming you are a woman and he is your man).

As for your fear of extreme punishment, you need to communicate your limits with him. After that, it comes down to one question. Do you trust him? Has he earned that trust? Can you trust him with your safety?

Good luck.
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