[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions.php on line 4284: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /includes/functions.php:3493)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions.php on line 4286: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /includes/functions.php:3493)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions.php on line 4287: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /includes/functions.php:3493)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions.php on line 4288: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /includes/functions.php:3493)
This thing we do • View topic - Submission - what is it?

Submission - what is it?

Whether we call it "domestic discipline" or "rules" or "structure" or just "getting our needs met." This is a spot for those meta discussions about what it is that we do.

Submission - what is it?

Postby blackbird » Thu May 10, 2012 7:40 pm

So, responding to Splorange's earlier comment, I thought I would start up a thread about this, as this week it has been particularly challenging finding out what being submissive means to me. Having asked T so clearly for his dominance last week, I have had to take responsibility for it in some sense. I haven't posted because it has been so full on. But here goes.

For me, submission is inspired entirely by my sexual desire. Having control taken from me is what makes me come. That's where ttwd all started for me, and it continues to lie at the heart of the matter. I am starting to live the way I was made. When T makes it clear that he has the last say about a spanking or anything else, I am turned on.

In being faithful to how that makes me feel, I am finding that so many of the ways I was damaged and continue to damage myself are challenged. I give to others rather than receive as a default. T taking control, as he has done superbly and bravely this week, has involved me in an intense internal battle to do the things that will move life on for me, allow me to put myself first. He is clever like that. He can see. Because he has been like that himself all his life, dismissing his dominant aspect as the worst thing a man can be, and laying himself down for others. He gains himself when he doms me. I gain myself when I submit.

The gorgeous, demanding paradox is that when submissive (and yes, as stark as not being allowed to ask questions, doing his bidding in an instant) I find it releases me from compulsive pleasing patterns which are ingrained. The irony for me, is that submission is selfish.
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"

Oscar Wilde
blackbird
Rank 3
Rank 3
 
Posts: 212
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2012 8:46 am
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: Submission - what is it?

Postby Eayore » Thu May 10, 2012 8:21 pm

What comes up for me first is that submission is a gift I give to P, by doing what she asks or commands me to do.

In my fantasy, I wanted to be "beaten into submission" but I have come to realise that is not going to happen, since neither of us could really live with this situation.

I don't find that submission is something I want for its own sake. But I definitely have never wanted to be dominant either.

If other thoughts come to me, I will be sure to post them here. I think this is a great thread you have started.
User avatar
Eayore
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 1721
Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:43 pm
Location: Ascot, UK
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: Submission - what is it?

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Thu May 10, 2012 11:26 pm

My thinking about this has, um, "evolved" over time. :dry:

I am still not sure whether I'm "naturally" submissive. I know it's not my default in many ways, although compared to many of my family members, I'm certainly on the submissive side (in that I'm willing to accept that someone other than myself might be in charge in a particular situation, and that I might have to do what they want, no matter how I think things should be done). (And, yes, the majority of my family chafes at that concept.)

But I also know that when I'm able to submit to W, we feel closer, and our relationship feels more balanced. For me, it requires some give and take--I can't submit as well if she isn't asserting her authority at least somewhat. But it's also been about practice. Our "bedtime potch" ritual has been helpful with this. I find that when it's time, I'm able to slip into a more submissive state more and more easily. Even though it's not a big, over-the-top kind of scene, the repetition has helped both of us--me to access my submissive side, W to access her more dominant side.
User avatar
JigsawAnalogy
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 2875
Joined: Sun Oct 14, 2007 9:44 am
Location: New York
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: Submission - what is it?

Postby splorange » Fri May 11, 2012 4:55 pm

Blackbird - I'm so happy for you! This is great, and I think all 3 of you who've posted here have come somewhere closer to the truth I'm hunting down on what submission really is. I love your post so much, it's full of wonderful paradoxes about this strange life we're living. At the moment I think I like best your discovery that submitting is freeing. I don't know if you've seen this blog, and particularly this post, but it might fit for you http://disciplinedfeminist.blogspot.com ... g-way.html (you might need to copy and paste into your browser sorry - can't work the link thing). There are things I disagree with her on, but I think the concept is beautiful. And yes, submitting - giving way! - is a source of great inner strength and comfort.
'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

Marni Jackson, 'Pain'
User avatar
splorange
Rank 3
Rank 3
 
Posts: 283
Joined: Wed May 02, 2012 5:43 pm
Location: CORK!
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: Submission - what is it?

Postby Need-to-lead » Thu Jul 12, 2012 6:53 pm

I'm somewhat new to this. I'm still not sure what drives my wife to submit to me. What I do know is that her submission is, hands down, the greatest gift she could give. The level of trust required is staggering, and a complete turn-on for me. At the same time, the responsibility involved as her dominant husband can be downright scary. Damaging my marriage is the last thing I want, should I overstep somehow.

Off to read more.
Need-to-lead
Rank 1
Rank 1
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2012 2:55 pm
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: Submission - what is it?

Postby Ice-cream » Sat Jul 14, 2012 8:06 am

Great idea for a thread.
I want to go away and think on it, because my idea of what submission is has been under serious review lately.
In my fantasies I think of being dominated so completely that there is no choice but submission. But in real life, submission (for me anyway) is not a passive state at all. It's a choice, an active choice I make. And at times a struggle within myself.
Ice-cream
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2012 12:24 pm
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: Submission - what is it?

Postby Eayore » Sat Jul 14, 2012 5:33 pm

Nicely put, Ice-cream. That sums it up beautifully for me.
User avatar
Eayore
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 1721
Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:43 pm
Location: Ascot, UK
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: Submission - what is it?

Postby lana » Sat Jul 14, 2012 6:14 pm

Submission is going with what my hoh says. I can argue my side of it but in the end I submit to his authority.

In the physical sense, during a punishment, submission can be very hard when the arguing is over and you know youve got a punishment coming or even when you know you fully deserve it, its still hard for me when it comes to actually taking down the jeans and bending over or agreeing to wait in the corner for the paddling/caning. And harder still for me is staying in position the whole time. While i always succeed in the first part, in the second I often need his help.

But after its over I find the whole thing to be immensely a turn-on and sometimes even a cathartic type of experience. When this "letting go" and submitting works right, it is like a state of great closeness and relaxation.

lana
User avatar
lana
Rank 4
Rank 4
 
Posts: 373
Joined: Fri Sep 24, 2010 6:02 pm
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:


Return to What it is that we do

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron