Hi Ice Cream
I think the problem may be that you havent reached the right mindset because your hoh, being new, may not know how to help you get there. I know I get angry sometimes if my hoh starts whaling away with no preamble or preparation. I always bend over for it but the whole thing works out better if there is a ritual of preparation first. I think most women and men into DD would agree with this.
Some of the ritual for me is a short corner time before the punishment starts where I am more or less made to contemplate what i did wrong and to to see his pov. For me part of this is i have to pull down my pants and put my hands on my head or crossed behind my back and im not to have any distractions like ipod or crossword puzzles. This lasts about 5 or 10 minutes. I can hear him preparing but not see what he's doing since not allowed to turn around. This is a very submissive, vulnerable position and immediately changes the dynamic (also called the mindset) before the spanking even starts.
Then before the spanking starts my hoh , who is a man of few words will ask me what this is for and i have to answer addressing him as sir. Then i have to get into the required position. During the spanking he will stop a few times to scold me or ask again what i did wrong and if im going to do it again. . If he does it this way it is much easier for me to accept the pain of the spanking I yell and plead and sometimes cry but since there no one around out here in the country, it makes no difference. When he doesnt count I do struggle to get free--cant help it) but when he gives me a set amount counted out I can handle it better. I always start out with submitting but have trouble staying in position and have often ended up having to have him help me by holding me.
When my hoh doesnt follow this ritual and just jumps right into it full force with no ritual or warmup, it is much harder for me to bear w/o fighting it and I am often not left with that peaceful, dreamy closeness thats the real object of the whole thing. That relaxed feeling that youve just been thru a storm and have washed up peacefully together on the shore.
Two dd sites I'd recommend is "Learning DD" and "Discipline and Love" which both have a lot of info for newbies.
Hope some of this helps.
(BTW--If you are just starting, a "hard caning" that is leaving longlasting welts may be too much too soon. Ive been conditioned for a long time and I still dont get that degree of a caning. Mine produce red lines and occasional welts. but usually he does this only with wrist action, sometimes rapidly and sometimes counted out. I know of no one into DD who is caned so severely on a routine basis, and Id say its more for the people who are into bdsm ) This is JMO, but reached after reading a number of dd sites for a number of years.