None of my family or real life friends know that I practise ttwd. Between my wonderful chief and this board, I feel I have enough people with whom to discuss the things that occur to me. I can appreciate your sense of aloneness though, in not feeling bonded with the other women in your life. I think because the most important women in my life are my mother and sister, both of whom are single, we just don't discuss relationships all that much, and consequently I don't feel that I'm always holding back this big secret.
With regard to the situation you bring up. Despite being a submissive woman, I'm a diehard feminist and I would never accept an order from a man, unless it was an agreed part of our relationship that he was entitled to give me orders. I think the couple in question were communicating badly, but her husband was behaving worse than her, in ordering her to do what he wanted, and I think it would be wrong to give into that. All it would show is that he can get his way by ordering her to do something. She should certainly look at changing how they resolve disputes, but it's important that both partners are on board with something like that, otherwise one of them can easily just become a doormat. There is one couple I know though that I often want to advise to take up ttwd! The woman is particularly irritating, whiny and domineering, while the man is a close friend of mine who has given up a lot for her. I ALWAYS want to tell him to just spank her!!
Like you, I wonder too how long a ttwd relationship is viable for us. I get the impression, ice-cream, that you feel a strong reaction against the male-deriding perspective that's common among the women you are close to, and that a lot of ttwd for you is about redressing that balance. I have a common ground, as I was also brought up to understand that men can rarely be relied on to get anything done and that women are a much safer and more responsible bet. This feeling is still very strong in me, to be honest. It's probably just coincidental that most of the men I know aren't as capable or practical as the women. Or I cherry-pick evidence, subconsciously ignoring examples of impractical women or dedicated men because they don't fit my theory. I do try not to be biased and i don't think I am in my daily life. But if I was actually asked whether deep down, I would be more likely to trust a man or a woman to get a job done, I would have to say a woman. I also see how common casual misogyny is, everywhere, and it's hard not to react against this, and I do wonder - am I betraying my feminism? One thing that does work for me, and maybe would for you too, is thinking of it as a specific relationship that works for the two of us, and has nothing to do with women or men in general. It's our own particular relationship dynamic that suits ttwd, and the fact that he is a male top and I am a female bottom is just a coincidence.
'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'
Marni Jackson, 'Pain'