Lost my spanking mojo

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Lost my spanking mojo

Postby Ice-cream » Fri Sep 07, 2012 8:38 am

I've been feeling somewhat disengaged lately.
HImself will threaten consequences and I just cannot seem to connect with what he is saying. It's like the link between my ass and brain has shut down. Right up to the moment I bend over, I have absolutely zero awareness of the pain that is coming. He will give me a warning or stipulate a punishment and in my head I'm thinking "what-eh-vehrr". Thinking, not saying; I'm not that stupid!
And I can't seem to "get into" a punishment either. There is no sense of catharsis at all, and not even a whisper of guilt or humility. It hurts. That's all. Before I had a sense of surrendering to the pain, but now I can't. My pain tolerance is very low. Ridiculously so.
It's not a question of warm-ups or technique - or at least I don't think so. Even with non-punishment spanking I can't seem to take much. I got a lovely long mellow play spanking the other night and as soon as there was a hint of a sting, I was freezing up. And I genuinely mean a hint.
I've lost my spanking mojo and I want it back.
Does this happen to anyone else? Any thoughts? Suggestions? Advice?
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Re: Lost my spanking mojo

Postby altbob » Fri Sep 07, 2012 2:05 pm

Not sure what to tell you. I'm on the other end. The one thing I can suggest is to talk it over with him. He needs to know what's going on, and you need to talk to him. That may help start rebuilding your connection.
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Re: Lost my spanking mojo

Postby Eayore » Fri Sep 07, 2012 8:24 pm

I may not have experienced exactly what you describe here, Ice-Cream, but right now I can speak from immediate experience as I am pretty disengaged with our domestic discipline life. In my case there have been some incidents between us and I am finding it hard to 'let go' of the ill feeling.

I'm not sure if this will help but you asked for suggestions... I think when I am unable to connect with what P is saying about consequences, and can't surrender to the pain, ultimately there is something going on inside me! So that is where I would look.

I think altbob's suggestion is a good one too.
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Re: Lost my spanking mojo

Postby Ice-cream » Sun Sep 09, 2012 4:55 pm

Thanks for your replies.
The odd thing is that I don't feel there is any distance between us or that I'm any less committed to whatever it is that we do.
I'm not sure what my problem is exactly.
In some ways I'm closer than ever to what I want, but in another sense the distance between what I'd like and what I have is wider than ever. It's not always wise to fully surrender to the depth of feelings this arouses in me. On a couple of occasions I've found myself dangerously low after being too emotionally prepared for a punishment that didn't materialise ( daft I know!) and I wonder if this disconnection is a protective mechanism thrown up by my subconscious.
I should talk this out with himself but I don't know, Im hesitant. This is still so new. And it's not perfect, but how could it be? I don't want to discourage him. And I feel like he feels that I'm topping from the bottom when I try to explain what I want or need. Sometimes it feels like we are from two different planets.
Oh dear this sounds bleak.
Sorry for the moan.
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Re: Lost my spanking mojo

Postby lana » Sun Sep 09, 2012 11:08 pm

I have had something similar where my hoh hasnt given me enough of a ritual first(scolding etc.) to feel the connection and it was just like tremendous pain but not the emotional part. Also he did not accept criticism easily.

It has helped for me to follow the ritual part but took a long time for him to "get it" and understand why i needed it. Sometimes still he forgets this part but it has gotten a lot better over time.

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Re: Lost my spanking mojo

Postby altbob » Tue Sep 11, 2012 9:14 pm

@ice-cream - I would suggest you do talk to him. Try to take a light tone at first. Since this is new, I would emphasize trying to modify things, to make it even better, rather than "Well, this sucks. Lets try this again, but do it right this time " :doh:
Communication is critical.
You are right when you say it will never be perfect. But you can always work on making it better, even if it will never be perfect.
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Re: Lost my spanking mojo

Postby LadyShriver1 » Fri Sep 14, 2012 4:38 pm

I agree with everything that's been said. I do feel like when I'm disconnected from a punishment that it's my frame of mind, and what's going on with me. If I don't agree with the punihsment, I don't normally disconnect but rather feel angry or resentful, so the ho-hum feeling is usually something else. I definitely feel that way when a "promised punishment" has taken a long time to materialize or isn't being effective.

I haven't had this happen over the course of any significant time, only here and there, so I can't really advise much for that. I definitely agree with Eayore in that, you are going to have to figure out what is going on to fixit, and with altBob, that you probably need to talk to your partner. Maybe you can talk about it with your DD hats off, so their isn't any fear of punishment.

I also like Lana's suggestion of perhaps creating a "mindset" ritual that will help. If E goes right into spanking, I usually only think about the pain, but if we talk (by which I mean, he lectures!) for a while or go through other steps, I go to my sub place for the spanking.
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Re: Lost my spanking mojo

Postby Eayore » Sat Sep 15, 2012 8:58 am

Ice-cream, I know all about being emotionally prepared for a punishment that didn't materialise! It sucks!! In my case, I think the way it affects me is when I hold resentment about it; then I am disconnected to P. This is what I meant about letting go of the ill will. Sometimes talking about it can help, but sometimes we just have an argument and don't make any progress. Hopefully that wouldn't happen with you.
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