Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Whether we call it "domestic discipline" or "rules" or "structure" or just "getting our needs met." This is a spot for those meta discussions about what it is that we do.

Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby Homebody » Mon Oct 01, 2012 12:07 pm

I woke up today and I feel out of sorts. I'm not particularly under stress (none that I can think of anyhow) and there isnt anything wrong overall, but I feel unhappy-ish.

The reason I post this here is because, somehow, I feel like getting spanked would help. This is an unusual condition for me, I only get spanked for disciplinary purposes normally.

I have read about stress-relief spankings and this sounds similar. Anyone else felt/done anything similar? How did you approach your partner when you didnt have this as an established part of your dynamic?

On a more detailed point, what kind of 'feel' or tempo do these kinds of spankings have to be effective? Is it more like asking for a backrub (i.e. just lying down and being friendly about it) or in a disciplinary style? I'm having trouble picturing what it is I think I want.

Confusing enough?
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby Eayore » Wed Oct 03, 2012 5:17 pm

I have squeezed my brains over this but cannot actually remember a time when we did a stress relief spanking. Up until quite recently, I think I would not have wanted it - but nowadays I would be more relaxed about the idea.

I find it very plausible that a spanking can help to overcome feelings of being unhappy and out-of-sorts. I would think that is because it can release certain chemicals in the body such as adrenalin and endorphins. I don't think it is quite like a back rub (or to be more precise, I don't think that would work for me personally); however as long as it was sufficiently painful I don't expect it would matter much how it started out. It would simply need to present me with a physical "challenge"!
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby Homebody » Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:13 pm

I was thinking along the same lines chemically, as that makes sense and I've read similar thoughts from others. I asked my wife about it today and she said we can do it tomorrow. Bit nervous, but looking forward to it. I'm going to suggest we make it a little more relaxed and longer while still maintaining potency.

First non-disciplinary spanking...fingers crossed.
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby LadyShriver1 » Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:42 pm

Hope all works out well for you! We do utilize stress relief spankings sometimes, but since we also use maintenance spankings, sometimes I just ask for more at the end of that if it didn't relieve my needs.

A stress relief spanking doesn't work for me if it doesn't have a few different specific points. One is that it needs to be sufficiently hard enough, but it also needs to be a build up spanking that pushes my limits. If he just started right out wailing away, sure, it would hurt, but I think I would tend to brace against releasing my feelings. So, we aloways get in a position that's relatively comfortable for me, sowe can take our time.

I also need a little admonishment of some kind to get the feelings out, but sometimes, he just uses : "You know...whack... that holding this all in...crack!..isn't good for you! So we are going to have a nice long session to make sure you do let it out." That kind of thing.

But I definitely want to hear how it went for you and what seemed to be successful.
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby artlover » Fri Oct 05, 2012 9:04 pm

LS, that sounds wonderful. IMO, that can relieve stress for more than just the spankee. The spank-or would be feeling less stress afterwards as well.
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby muchinspired » Fri Oct 05, 2012 9:58 pm

yesyesyesyesyes. a long paddling or a scene can work wonders to calm me.
"Tuna belongs in the sea. I was just helping it be free.”

Matthew, Cabin Fever

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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby lana » Mon Oct 08, 2012 6:10 pm

muchinspired wrote:yesyesyesyesyes. a long paddling or a scene can work wonders to calm me.

I quite agree except that there has to be some reason or some element of discipline in it and always is since if im out of sorts and acting grumpy its an attitude adjustment spanking. Ive never had one for no reason except that id asked for it--im not sure it would "work" for me that way. :thinking:
Ive had a few " just because im in charge" but these were brief (maybe 15 smacks with the paddle) over my jeans or warnings and not a real long spanking that LS means.

lana :llama:
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby Louise » Mon Oct 08, 2012 6:36 pm

Being stressed makes me irritable, which will generally get me spanked anyway. The initiative needs to come from my husband, it is him taking charge and acting decisively that has a calming effect on me. I like the feeling of being put in my place.
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby LadyShriver1 » Tue Oct 23, 2012 3:20 pm

I found that "bratting" to get a spanking, even when it does lead to one, never feels all that satisfying for me. I lose the feeling of having someone else being in charge. But, we do have a few little key phrases between us that can lead to a stress relief/ in charge spanking, such as "I'm just feeling a little fractious right now" or "maybe I need to get in a subbier place". If he is spanking me for maintenance, at the end, he always invites me to crawl up on the bed or couch for lotion time. If I don't move right away, that signals to him that I feel like Ineed a little more. I guess I'm kind of being in control or asking for it myself, but I don't know how much or if he will give more. He also always tend to seriously "take me in hand" if he gets that subtle request, and sometimes I get a little more than I bargained for!
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Tue Oct 23, 2012 11:13 pm

We have done more stress-relief and maintenance spankings over the past couple of years than we have any other kind (because, obviously, my true angelic nature has come out).

Stress-relief spankings pre-dated discipline for us (well, me, since W doesn't get spanked), and we kind of play it by ear. Sometimes it's pretty low-key, sometimes it's longer and/or harder. And how they work tends to change over time--lately, it's just been the bedtime "potch," which is a little hand spanking and happens pretty much every night. It's nothing big, and yet... it's staved off the need for anything bigger (or mostly staved it off... I think we could use a re-set, but the potch has kept things from getting to a crisis point).

Sometimes those are harder, sometimes they're more symbolic than anything else.

One thing W and I have found (this is about us, obviously, and not a general "this is true for everyone") is that an essential part of what I need is for her to be in charge of them. If I ask and she immediately does it, it just doesn't work. And if I tell her what to do, it doesn't particularly work. But if I let her know I need something, and she eventually follows through, that works. And one of the things she often says is that the whole point of it is to remind me who's in charge. Of course, this is at least partly because one of the functions of spankings/discipline/ttwd in our relationship is to rebalance the power so that things are more equal, which means I need W to take charge.
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby splorange » Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:10 pm

In my relationship, a lot of the spanking that occurs seems to be for stress relief, or (slightly less specifically, but for me it's all the same umbrella) relieving negative feelings. When I'm feeling calm and relaxed and good about myself, I'm naturally agreeable, kind to my boyfriend, and easy-going about most things. There have been a few times lately when I couldn't do anything but snap at him, and it came to a head before Christmas. Now we're doing better. The surprising thing is that if I'm being spanked, I never feel irritated with him, and I don't snap. It's just easy. I think if spanking can help you feel more in touch with your best self, it's a good thing. How to time it or set the scene might be worth experimenting with. If you have a lot of lecturing in a standard punishment spanking, then a stress-relief situation is going to need to lack that. I can't imagine it being like a massage situation though! I suppose do it as you would a maintenance spanking, but it'll probably take some fine-tuning for maximum effect.
'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby artlover » Thu Jan 03, 2013 1:02 am

I think of stress relief spankings as really being a kind of relational spanking (IMO, a much better term than maintenance).

And I definitely think a stress relief spanking can be a lot like a massage.

When I first started taking my wife over my lap, the spankings were mostly erotic in nature, but I think there was sometimes more than a hint of stress release in there somewhere. And it would be a lot like a massage.

This kind of thing can be very nice. Spankee lays over spanker's lap, some affectionate rubbing ensues, spankee closes eyes, begins to try to relax as the spanking commences. Spanker falls into a good, regular rhythm, hard enough but not so hard that it can't go on for a nice long time . . . only sound is of hand on bottom and maybe some little sounds the spankee makes under that hand. Maybe the spanker is completely quiet. Or maybe the spanker accompanies the spanking with soothing words, how much they love the spankee, how beautiful the spankee is, how they hate to see spankee so tense or upset, how the spankee is to simply lie there (spanker is still "in charge", after all) and relax while the spanker takes care of all that stress right now. That kind of thing.

Is that not like a massage?

This kind of spanking is really wonderful to give, by the way. A top gets to be completely loving and affectionate and still spend lots of quality time smacking their sweetheart's bottom. You still end up with that nice, pink or red glow.

Obviously, I get that there is no one size fits all, and even those who might need one kind of approach on one day, might need a different approach another. I am sure there are bottoms who want or need a brisk, no nonsense, approach. And others who want a sharp talking to. But I bet even a lot of those who need a fairly severe spanking to get the stress relief they need would still sometimes want it delivered like the above (maybe with a paddle or a strap instead of the hand). However hard it needs to be, they are not being punished, they are being taken care of.
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby blackbird » Fri Jan 04, 2013 9:48 am

I like your thoughts very much artlover. I would add that there is always a bit of guilt in me about being stressed (usually angry at something) and the end of the spanking has to have some element of being "too much to take" for it to be effective. For me, it has to hurt for the real release, in other words.

B
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby artlover » Fri Jan 04, 2013 8:49 pm

blackbird wrote:I like your thoughts very much artlover. I would add that there is always a bit of guilt in me about being stressed (usually angry at something) and the end of the spanking has to have some element of being "too much to take" for it to be effective. For me, it has to hurt for the real release, in other words.

B


I am sure there are a lot of bottoms who have the same need. Especially someone who gets a pretty severe disciplinary spanking fairly regularly. Something too light won't make much of an impression stress wise (though it still might be very nice as a "good girl" type spanking if the spankee is already relaxed).

Can it get to the necessary level of severity gradually (a long, rhythmic strapping, say, which builds over time) or does it have to escalate in severity at the end? Or does it depend upon the circumstances?

(I am always interested in what makes a bottom "tick" so to speak, reaction to spanking wise. Figuring out just what the bottom needs at the particular place and time is an art, not a science, and I personally do not have nearly as much experience as I would like, lol.)
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby blackbird » Thu Jan 10, 2013 9:58 am

Well artlover, I wish I had more experience of the gradual sort to inform you about. Part of what I loved about your post was the description of something much less severe than I get! T likes to take control away as quickly as possible. He is a romantic man, but a severe dom. I suppose that's what excites me, knowing there is no argument, that I will be taken over the pain threshold quickly and mercilessly. As he says, "you always forget how much it hurts, don't you?" and I do.....

But the time I replied to your post here, I had begged him to do it gently for a while, give me time, but I found I enjoyed it too much and had the feeling I was going to get away with something. He knows it. What I need is control taken away. And boy, does he love doing it.... :sigh: So not much to add to your sum total of sub experiences I fear....

By the way, for anyone who reads this and saw my posts in the past, T and I worked things out. It took most of a year. We now live in two places (his is sorted) and spend every night together. And TTWD doesn't feel so hard to fit into general life anymore. It's just another part of the conversation. Thanks again to everyone who wrote to me about it whilst it was agony.

B
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