Lana, ah! - I so understand your questioning. It comes down to this for me. No matter the warm-up, no matter the duration, I have to be taken over a threshold where there is no control for me anymore. T spanks hard, but intelligently. He would never take me WAY beyond, just enough beyond. Yesterday, I was larking around and suggested I fetch the cane - to remember how it used to be when it was all "play". After 4 strokes I was overcome. I never "gave in" when it was play. It was always in my control (and great fun!)
Now it is deeply resonant, it is about our love, and how we express it. And T only spanks me until I give in. And a little bit more... But I am amazed how much it hurts when I am not in control. It's so very, very different.
I would love longer warm-ups, but they are foreplay - to either sex or spanking, really. TTWD for me is the utter removal of control, not knowing how long it will go on, struggling, trying to take the pain and failing, uselessly begging and putting a hand back. But also somehow trusting that he will do what's right.
Ah dear! And so we go on with this mystery!
Eayore, I hope you forgave me for my outrageous intervention in your conversation with LadyGoverness. It was too, too titillating!