Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Whether we call it "domestic discipline" or "rules" or "structure" or just "getting our needs met." This is a spot for those meta discussions about what it is that we do.

Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby splorange » Thu Jan 10, 2013 6:27 pm

I'm so glad about you and Tim. Your own space during the day as desired, and together every night. Everyone's different, but this to me would be perfect.
'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

Marni Jackson, 'Pain'
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby lana » Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:17 am

Hi Blackbird
Glad things are going good for you two.
I have had a similar experience about my hoh Gman with him spanking fast and hard without the slow buildup thart i think i need for stress relief and crying.

I talked to Gman about this and he says he is going to work on the slow buildup thing*. I also need it to be something where i dont know when it will stop and I just have to "give up" and give into it. And I also know that eventually it will have to become hard or I wouldnt have the fight it and then "give into it" part. I sense these elements are what i need to have stress relief (along with crying) As long as i know that i can stop it by moving or yelling; or if i can brace myself for say 25 strokes, I dont think the crying part will happen.

* the trouble is that when it comes down to it, he likes to spank hard and Im afraid he will forget what he said he'd do when the time actually comes that he thinks ive earned a spanking. :grr_top: or when the weekly spanking session starts up again.

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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby splorange » Sat Jan 12, 2013 6:19 am

That is very interesting, lana. I like that you've identified the elements of a spanking that works for you, and one that doesn't give you a release. (Of course, you've been doing this a lot longer than I have.) I can understand how not having a number or a fixed period of time before the spanking ends helps with giving into it. Do you know why it is that you need a slow build-up? I ask because for me, skipping the warm-up generally means that the pain becomes overwhelming too early so we stop. 5 minutes later, mentally I'm exactly where I was before we started, but usually too sore to spank again until at least the following day. I was wondering if that had been your experience, or if it was another reason.

I'm asking this because when blackbird said she needs a spanking to take her past the pain threshold straight away, I thought 'but that wouldn't work for me'. And maybe it is the case that she just responds differently to me. But I did wonder if the overwhelming physical sensation I get from fast heavy spanking from the beginning, might not be converted into emotion. So it's for that reason that I'd like to know, why the build-up is necessary for you. Thanks :)
'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

Marni Jackson, 'Pain'
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby Eayore » Sat Jan 12, 2013 2:55 pm

Really glad to hear it blackbird! (I mean that you worked things out, not that you get punished severely... although if you are anything like me, that would be cause for celebration in itself.)
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby blackbird » Mon Jan 14, 2013 10:21 am

Lana, ah! - I so understand your questioning. It comes down to this for me. No matter the warm-up, no matter the duration, I have to be taken over a threshold where there is no control for me anymore. T spanks hard, but intelligently. He would never take me WAY beyond, just enough beyond. Yesterday, I was larking around and suggested I fetch the cane - to remember how it used to be when it was all "play". After 4 strokes I was overcome. I never "gave in" when it was play. It was always in my control (and great fun!)

Now it is deeply resonant, it is about our love, and how we express it. And T only spanks me until I give in. And a little bit more... But I am amazed how much it hurts when I am not in control. It's so very, very different.

I would love longer warm-ups, but they are foreplay - to either sex or spanking, really. TTWD for me is the utter removal of control, not knowing how long it will go on, struggling, trying to take the pain and failing, uselessly begging and putting a hand back. But also somehow trusting that he will do what's right.

Ah dear! And so we go on with this mystery!

Eayore, I hope you forgave me for my outrageous intervention in your conversation with LadyGoverness. It was too, too titillating! :)

Blackbird
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby blackbird » Tue Jan 15, 2013 9:47 am

'However hard it needs to be, they are not being punished, they are being taken care of'

Just re-read your post artlover, in a different mood, and I still love, love, love it! This last line is the overall aim. It doesn't matter how it is reached. For me, the element of paying for my misbehaviour is important - real misbehaviour, not made up. Things that I don't find acceptable myself on reflection - away from the emotional moment they happened. Punishing the sin not the sinner.

But ultimately, wrapped in each others' arms afterwards, it is about being restored to oneself, and each other. So, so beautiful.... Punishment for me is being taken care of. It means I will never feel I am able to harm T without redress.

B
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby artlover » Wed Jan 16, 2013 12:01 am

Thanks. This is a good thread, IMO.

I do find the whole maintenance-stress relief-relational thing very appealing, from a top-inclined perspective.
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby Eayore » Sat Jan 19, 2013 9:18 pm

blackbird wrote:Eayore, I hope you forgave me for my outrageous intervention in your conversation with LadyGoverness. It was too, too titillating! :)

Blackbird

You are forgiven! (I presume you are referring to the wonderful explanation from LadyGoverness about strapping and caning hands.) But intervention is what this forum is about, in my opinion... and I thought yours was very nice, not outrageous at all.
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby LadyShriver1 » Sun Jan 20, 2013 7:58 pm

Wow...that was quiet a beautiful and poet description of spanking, which I loved. I have to say, that it may be mildly easier for the spanker to describe a session as a massage than the spankee, at least one who has been on the receiving end of some of the spankings I've gotten! But I understand your point and liked the description.

Artlover: For me, even in a stress relief or good girl spanking, there has to be some escalation in severity at the end for me to feel relaxed. A spanking without would feel like sex without climax...pleasant and enjoyable, but sometimes feeling incomplete. However, if I am slowly warmed up through the spanking, that hard, "he is totally in control" conclusion is rarely horrifically painful, it's just ensures a release of my feelings. He tends to feel out and see when I've had enough.
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby blackbird » Mon Jan 21, 2013 8:43 am

Hmmmm... this really is an interesting thread. I showed T a video on Spanking Tube that I like the other day and his comment was "he doesn't spank very hard". But he enjoyed the squirming of the woman - well "young lady" in that position! I said there are many ways to skin a cat... and wouldn't it be good to have me over his knee for half an hour rather than 5 minutes sometimes, eventually having the same effect. He didn't answer... he often doesn't.

I have a feeling he might relax over time and try it. I wonder, Lana, if we have the same issue. I think T wants to assert his authority fast and perhaps doesn't trust enough that I will go along with something less severe (and enjoy it, perhaps that's the problem) until the final moment of surrender. :hmmmmm:

Hello Eayore!! Was delighted to get your reply. I imagined how much you must have enjoyed the details of hand-strapping/caning. I did, and I wouldn't even want it in reality!!!! Did she come to Epsom over Christmas...? :)

Blackbird
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby Lady Governess » Mon Jan 21, 2013 9:49 am

intervention is what this forum is about, in my opinion... and I thought yours was very nice, not outrageous at all.


Agreed.

Did she come to Epsom over Christmas...?


:brow: :brow: :brow:

As my grandmother would have said, "Who is she? The cat's mother?"

No, "she" didn't disturb Eeyore's festivities at all. Honestly, it's just rather nice to know that I was probably within a few hundred yards of it at certain moments. The "what if" is so much fun!
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby blackbird » Tue Jan 22, 2013 1:17 pm

Well that has earned me six of the best, for sure!!!!!

B
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby Lady Governess » Tue Jan 22, 2013 7:29 pm

Blackbird's disciplinarian is clearly a person of great worth if six of the best are in the offing.

I heartily approve.

I shall just sit back and await the performance.

:popcorn: :popcorn: :popcorn:
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby Eayore » Sat Feb 02, 2013 8:40 pm

Er, what's this about Epsom? I live in Ascot. Is this what you meant?
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Re: Stress-relief Spankings or something similar...

Postby blackbird » Sun Feb 03, 2013 3:34 pm

Sorry - wrong racecourse...... :-D
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"

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