blackbird wrote: I found it totally wonderful. It reached and held that child within, and the adult, seamlessly. And then he went home..... and I couldn't hold 2, let alone 1 together. I totally fell apart. I felt I had had a glimpse of what this is all about for me only for it to be removed.
lana wrote:Wouldnt a part of you feel very stifled by not being able to make suggestions or disagree? No offense meant but to me Level 3 sounds more like a fantasy than a way to live in the real world .
W-Jigsaw'sBoss wrote:Maybe it takes years to create a balance of power, and you need to swing the most dramatically towards your HoH for it to come to balance.
blackbird wrote: I am constantly in the position of having to promote his freedom whilst still getting what I need as a submissive.
JigsawAnalogy wrote:blackbird wrote: I am constantly in the position of having to promote his freedom whilst still getting what I need as a submissive.
I have been in this position plenty of times. I still am, occasionally, but lately W has been better about getting her own needs met (thank heaven!). It's a struggle, because giving the person you love what *they* need can mean not getting what *you* need.*
Good luck. If you keep at this "emotional growth" stuff, it really does get unimaginably better.
*Or at least, not getting what you think you need... Again, I'm pretty sure I couldn't have gotten to a place where I trust W in regard to ttwd as much as I do if we *hadn't* had the painful periods where I thought I couldn't trust her to follow through, if that makes sense? I needed to learn that she could ease off and still come back when I needed her, and to for me to really learn that, well, there had to be the parts where she eased off even though I didn't want her to!
blackbird wrote:Huney wrote:HOH and I have been together everyday pretty much since the day we met. But there have been a few times where one of use has had to leave town without the other. When this happens, the thing that helps more than anything for me is self affirmations that we come up with together, its pretty simple, like, "I respect my HOH and I will always obey him." or "I need to listen to him because hes in charge and I want to please him." Saying statements like that out loud to myself, especially over and over when Im upset, really help to keep me in a submissive state when hes not around, and when I'm in a submissive state I am happier and more reasonable. I dunno, just a suggestion.
Hi Huney. Haven't really corresponded with you yet but have been following your dilemmas. Hope you are ok and things are working out. I love your suggestion. It can be as simple as remembering to be submissive when we get upset, can't it? I find it REALLY hard sometimes. And a phrase to repeat will really help me. I'll think one up with T and maybe get him to record something as altbob suggests.
I'm struck by the fact that my state of affairs is unusual and difficult as no one who has responded has experienced what I'm doing. It makes me feel comforted to know that nobody here would find it easy. Last night T came up with a very concrete plan which has helped enormously but now we have to live it. I might write more about it if it works as it might be of general interest.
Anyway, Thanks again!
blackbird wrote:I would really appreciate any ideas about how to move, tentatively, forward again. Should I just stop talking about ttwd with him for a while? Let him come back to me on it?
W-Jigsaw'sBoss wrote:What I CAN say is that I marvel every day at how hard relationships are. I never had role models for couples working through hard shit, and some days I feel like J and I are inventing some round thing you can put underneath a car to make it go.
JigsawAnalogy wrote:I'm not sure I'd realized how physically close his place is to yours.
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