I find myself very much in agreement with you art lover that dd is essentially self correcting and driven by what the bottom is prepared to accept, though I'm sure my own perspective as a bottom with a (less and less) reluctant top informs my view! Sometimes I feel as if DD is essentially a fantasy. I've studied psychology and the idea that you can effectively change and correct a persons behaviour through punishment is widespread but not supported by scientific evidence. Positive reinforcement is far more effective for a number of reasons. And if you systematically analyse the behavioural contingencies in a spanking encounter there is a great deal more going on than a simple punishment contingency. Obviously that's more technical than most would care for. Sometimes academic training is hard to put aside!! And again I'm probably guilty of bringing my own views to bear: I'm not convinced that himself can change me by spanking me, but when he punishes me I feel much more sweet and loving towards him and more committed to making him happy.
I am very turned on by the notion of having rules, and it allows me to feel safely vulnerable, appealing to my inner child I suppose! I've had a personal rule throughout our relationship of not refusing him sexually, but as art lover might predict it comes from me rather than being imposed on me. And I am blessed to have a husband with the sensitivity not to press his case when I've been ill or otherwise unavailable. With the best will in the world there are simply times when it would be disastrously destructive to our relationship to force the issue. Most of the time, we share a fantasy that I am sexually available to him, and on several occasions he has pushed harder than he would have in another relationship. I wont use the R-word because what I am trying to describe is utterly incomparable to the soul- destroying experience of other women. But for my part, things have happened between us that would have shattered any other relationship I've been in. I can't imagine tolerating it from anyone else but between us it's, well, its just a part of TTWD.
I'm not sure I'm explaining myself well at all, and I'm worried that the word fantasy might offend anyone.
Part of what draws me to this forum is that I don't feel I like I'm a fake if I don't subscribe to views like my husband has a god given authority etc.
Although, I do think that there is merit in the advice to tops on some CDD sites that they are supposed to love and cherish their wives, and that all authority and discipline should come from that love. While himself doesn't think god put him on earth to beat me, I think his attitude and treatment of me has always been grounded in loving respect.
Having children was an enormously difficult time in our relationship. The first few years when children are small is so inexpressibly intense for mothers especially. Be careful about weighing an already overburdened young mother with more demands. True leadership goes deeper than administering spankings. Giving support, practical help, gratitude, admiration and respect are vital. I know they sound like the things a bottom is supposed to give to a top but ttwd is a Paradox. To be honest motherhood made me seriously question the underlying assumptions of CDD. It seemed to me that if the creator god made a being in his own image, it was most likely woman, the gender who can create. And if he then created a helpmeet to support the important job of creation, then men with their muscles for carrying burdens, their skills of hunting and providing and protecting, makes sense. Just a thought! Suppose what I want to say is that being a mother is extraordinary but unappreciated. I would strongly advise reading something like " what mothers do" to try and appreciate it. Being a good mum is often invisible. Housework, tans and sex can all be quantified, but there are days when I've abandoned all my other responsibilities to sit with a sick child, or just taken them to the beach to make happy memories. If I was too afraid of the consequences to make those decisions I'd consider my relationship abusive. I'm not suggesting yours isJayP. And I can understand the need for external pressure to keep all the plates spinning. For me it can be so cathartic to be Punished for the chores I didn't get done. It relieves the pressure in some way I can't explain (yet) but ultimately our personal version of ttwd, even when it is uncomfortably real, is still fantasy.