Body Image as spanking offense?

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Body Image as spanking offense?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:20 pm

I've been contemplating asking E to put a new rule in place, but I want some input first. As a nurse and someone who works in therapy, I do a TON of work with clients on body image. The first two years of my career involved working entirely with eating disorders. I am relatively comfortable in my body, and have spent a long time working to help others be the same. I would stop any client, friend, or child in my care in their tracks if they downgraded their body and remind them that I care about them because of their personalities! I've worked with parents on being careful not to make everything about being "pretty" or having the perfect body, and not to make desparaging remarks about body weight or image.

And yet... I have a tendency to say mean things about my own body when I'm with people I'm close to. I had shoulder surgery last year and gained thirty pounds, only ten of which have I lost. So when I'm getting ready to go somewhere, I've made a lot of remarks about how I'm "too fat" to wear that, or about my various lumps and bumps. I know E doesn't like it, because he gets frustrated with me when I do. And I think it's probably also a turn off for him to hear me say that.

I know that getting a spanking isn't going to help with my body image. I have to do that myself. But what do you all think about being disciplined for making desparaging comments about myself. E once told me that insulting myself was like disrespecting him, so I think he would go for it. What do you all think? :help:
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Re: Body Image as spanking offense?

Postby lana » Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:12 pm

I think that what you say about yourself (neg comments) reinforces what you think about ur selfimage. So i agree that this is a good rule to have. Once he is noticing it, you will at least become more aware of how often you are doing it.
[I used to say things like "Not that you care anyways" and my hoh got mad and spanked me hard for it a few times and i've pretty much lost that irritating habit]
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Re: Body Image as spanking offense?

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Wed Aug 10, 2011 8:11 pm

I agree. I think that discipline is a great tool for um, well, discipline.

If J were hurting herself in any way I would work towards stopping it. I wouldn't accept someone ELSE talking to her disparagingly, so why accept it from HER?

I also think that punishments should be about self acceptance, not reinforcing pain. I'd have j look at art of a diverse range of body types, or read something about self acceptance, blah blah blah you're the therapist, what would YOU assign?

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Re: Body Image as spanking offense?

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Wed Aug 10, 2011 8:23 pm

I think this is a situation where something like writing lines or essays might be effective. Soap might also work, if it's the kind of reflexive disrespectful/negative self-talk that some people seem to use more out of habit than because they really believe what they are saying.

Or you and he might try a positive reinforcement technique instead of focusing on the negative behavior. Honestly, I think that to the extent that I was stuck with a negative self-image, that's how I got past it, and I doubt that, for me, punishment would have helped me to end that attitude about myself. So maybe something like finding five positive things about yourself to focus on every day, or having to list ten good things each time you say one bad thing, and so on.
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Re: Body Image as spanking offense?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Thu Aug 11, 2011 1:37 pm

It's more a habit than a belief...the exact kind of habit that I work with other people to stop. So it might be effective. I think the important things IS realizing how much I'm doing it, and how much its effecting him. Hmmm..positive affirmations while getting a spanking? Could be a good combination ;-).
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Re: Body Image as spanking offense?

Postby artlover » Thu Aug 11, 2011 9:22 pm

I think running one's self down verbally or mentally can be as harmful as other forms of behavior that can merit discipline.

Obviously, realistic self criticism is a different animal altogether.
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Re: Body Image as spanking offense?

Postby altbob » Mon Aug 15, 2011 9:17 pm

I'm going to second JA's suggestion. I'm not sure the spanking would be the best thing, unless it's a short sharp one to mainly disrupt thinking patterns, then do line writing of positive aspects. Maybe a quick spank whenever it happens to derail your thinking, then lines later to reinforce proper views about yourself, possibly corner time? The corner time could be a combination of thinking positive things, and (this is a bit dicey, think carefully about whether it would work) your Hoh wanting time away from someone who offended him by not appreciating your beauty. After all, you are also basically saying he has bad judgement, for finding you beautiful. Hope you guys work something out.
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Re: Body Image as spanking offense?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Wed Aug 24, 2011 4:10 pm

We've sort of gone the short immediate spank route (and quite sharp, I might add)...mainly to both stop the thought in its tracks and to show me exactly how much I do it...which, btw is getting less and less. I still think it sometimes, but the knowledge of the potential consequences have helped me with thought stopping myself. We contemplated essays or lines, but honestly, I write all day at work and it doesn't mean as much to myself; it just becomes work. He does make me come up with positive affirmations after he's done, and if I lie and make up ones I don't believe, I get it for that too! It really is working, but I think only because for me its such a habit and not an underlying conflict. I don't think it would work if that were the case.
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Re: Body Image as spanking offense?

Postby Lady Governess » Fri Aug 26, 2011 7:41 am

I have come late to the discussion but would just like to agree that spanking and many other disciplines can be effective in breaking habits or changing behaviours. The danger is that they don't always change thinking patterns quite as cleanly. In some cases, the thinking can be left intact or even confirmed or compounded by corporal punishment.

So...just as everyone seems to have discussed above....use CP for habits and behaviours but stick with a more careful and thorough 'therapy' for thought patterns.
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