When to carry out a punishment?

Perhaps your household works without a structure. Go you. The rest of us mortals need to figure out how this thing works. This is a spot for talking about how we create the structure of our various domestic arrangements.

When to carry out a punishment?

Postby fourleafclover » Mon Sep 12, 2011 11:21 pm

I do not live with my partner. We do live close and I work very close to his house. Since we don't live together, I am required to tell him if I break our one rule.

I am wondering when other people, whether you live together or not, do the punishment. Is it a more or less immediate thing, or do you have a specific time? Which works best?

We are very new and trying to work this out, and have struggled with consistency. We've been trying to do it on weekends because that is when there is more time, but I wonder if I should be required to go to his house during the week. Even if I do, there will be times that it just can't be done because of our schedules, but I suppose we could just choose the next available time. Ideas? Successes? Advice?
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Re: When to carry out a punishment?

Postby PrttyinPnk » Tue Sep 13, 2011 2:19 pm

It varies for us. We've founds its most effective if I receive some kind of immediate discipline, but at the same time, that isn't always time effective.

So, when he has the time, he'll spank me on the spot. If there isn't time, he usually does an EA type thing, with the understanding that I will be spanked later. So, if I break a rule, I'll tell him and then he might do something like have me write lines or extra chores. Usually that happens because he is at work, or we have plans (we're always really busy).

I don't think I'd be satisfied with discipline once a week though....
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Re: When to carry out a punishment?

Postby lana » Tue Sep 13, 2011 3:09 pm

My hoh keeps the list writing down what things ive done that have irked him, such as accidentally leaving my purse on the porch or leaving the car lights on and running the battery out etc etc; and i get spanked once a week on spanking night when the list and all the implements are laid out. As well as anytime he thinks it shouldnt wait where i get spanked OTK right on the spot--usually for stuff that is more egregious like raising my voice at him or slamming things down or being b*tchy or defiant.

Its hard to see how a LDR would work for us since I usually dont feel guilty about the little minor rule breaking things that irk him--.so if he werent present to write it down Im prolly not going to be "asking for it" Id just try to recharge the battery myself or fix whatever I broke.

Ive had one occasion to confess something out of worry and guilt--but that was very serious and worried me that i was getting in the habit of doing it and needed to be corrected.

I do think that making it a once a week occasion has the effect of more predictability for a DD relationship.
lana :walklike:

btw fourleafclover-- :wagon2:
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Re: When to carry out a punishment?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:09 pm

When me and E didn't live together, I always told him about infraction when we were together, not over the phone. We also do maintenance spankings, but those separate from discipline spankings.

Now it totally depends on the rule. Certain ones, like me calling myself fat, which I'm not allowed to do, leads to immediate and instantaneous swats even if we are in public. something like not calling if I'm going to be late, he usually holds off until after showers and dinner.

I have observed that if it goes into the next day, regardless of what he threatens to do, I often do not get the punishment and that makes gloaty. And sometimes, even if I do, that makes me resentful because it feels like old news.

You'll have to figure out what works the best for you, and see if you feel like once a week is often enough for starting out. Aside from my maintenance spanking, I rarely get spanked more than once a week now, but in the beginning it was more like 3 to 4 times a week, sometimes more.
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Re: When to carry out a punishment?

Postby PrttyinPnk » Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:12 pm

LadyShriver1 wrote:I have observed that if it goes into the next day, regardless of what he threatens to do, I often do not get the punishment and that makes gloaty. And sometimes, even if I do, that makes me resentful because it feels like old news.



TOTALLY. I have those exact feelings. That's why we instituted the "EA until discipline". It can really suck to have TV taken away for a couple of days until he can get around to spanking me. I'd MUCH rather get the spanking.
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Re: When to carry out a punishment?

Postby PrttyinPnk » Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:13 pm

Plus it makes me more likely to remind him if he forgot.
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Re: When to carry out a punishment?

Postby lana » Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:58 pm

LadyShriver1 wrote:I have observed that if it goes into the next day, regardless of what he threatens to do, I often do not get the punishment and that makes gloaty. And sometimes, even if I do, that makes me resentful because it feels like old news.

You'll have to figure out what works the best for you, and see if you feel like once a week is often enough for starting out. Aside from my maintenance spanking, I rarely get spanked more than once a week now, but in the beginning it was more like 3 to 4 times a week, sometimes more.

I dont feel resentful at getting it a few days later. But a few times at getting it twice--once a hard paddling on the spot and another again on spanking night for the exact same thing i was already punished for. Usually this was something pretty bad and repeating the scolding just makes him mad again. In law called double jeopardy, in DD called re-emphasizing. :sigh:
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Re: When to carry out a punishment?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Tue Sep 13, 2011 5:44 pm

There are so many such wonderful things like "double jeopardy vs. re-emphasizing" between the outside world and DD, we ought to start a thread on that!
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Re: When to carry out a punishment?

Postby fourleafclover » Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:51 pm

I guess it really is an individual thing, and we'll have to just work it out by trial and error, but it is helpful to read what other people do and how it works or doesn't work for them. I'm sure it would be easier if we lived together, but we both want our own space at least for now.

So we are really just experimenting with this, seeing if this is something that will work for us. It was my idea and we just started with the one rule that I said I needed help with. So I am wondering for people who do not do the punishment at the time, do you just get spanked once for all infractions?
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Re: When to carry out a punishment?

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Tue Sep 20, 2011 1:35 pm

I know I'm coming late to the discussion.

For me and W, it's not even a matter of not living together, but there are plenty of times when immediate discipline doesn't work. The problem we've had is that she tends not to remember a punishment for long after the original infraction. This was complicated, because she needs to have the space to say, "You know what? I'm too tired/distracted/busy/not in the right space for a punishment right now. We'll deal with it later." So trust was getting eroded, for me, because even if I wrote something down (we have a page in our online private blog for that), she wouldn't remember to check it, and she wouldn't follow through on a punishment that was delayed.

We did institute a rule that if I had to remind her three times about a punishment that she had said I would get, and then forgotten, that the punishment would be rescinded. I had to remind her respectfully, and at a time when she had a chance of following through, or of making plans to follow through, so it wasn't about tricking her or catching her out.

I guess one piece of advice I've got is that things like when to carry out a punishment not only vary from couple to couple, they also vary over time, and something that works well, or is necessary, at one time, might turn into something different a few months or years later.
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