DD with Switches

Perhaps your household works without a structure. Go you. The rest of us mortals need to figure out how this thing works. This is a spot for talking about how we create the structure of our various domestic arrangements.

DD with Switches

Postby Homebody » Mon Nov 07, 2011 3:39 pm

Sorry to disappoint if you came to this post looking for juicy details on a good ol' switchin' :thinking:

The purpose of this post is to explore experiences/observations/questions/random musings about a pair of switches having a DD relationship. I've recently re-entered such an arrangement, which I may be able to provide some more details on as time goes by. For now though, I wanted to hear from any folks who have been in or observed a similar relationship. All observations and commentary are welcome.

Incidentally, if you have no experience but have questions about it, I can attempt to answer those. I find that by trying to answer other people's questions, sometimes I find my own :)
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Re: DD with Switches

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Mon Nov 07, 2011 11:44 pm

W and I have a more equal relationship than many, although we don't quite find that the dynamic of switching works well for us. Or, one could say, the whole part of discipline in our household in which W is the top is inherently switching. But to the extent that both of us have explicit, written rules that we follow, and consequences for not following the rules, then we do switch. The reason that W doesn't get spankings is mostly that they don't work as a motivation for her. And the two of us make an ongoing effort to have her be more in charge and me be... not in charge, mostly because the opposite of that is something that comes more naturally for each of us (but which, if there's too much of it, isn't *good* for us).
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Re: DD with Switches

Postby Homebody » Tue Nov 08, 2011 12:36 pm

If you dont mind me asking, how do you handle circumstances where both of you have had infractions and need to be punished? She may not get spanked but you indicated there are consequences for misdeeds. Does she admonish you and then you turn right around and admonish her back? Or is there a 'cool-down' period?

One of the dilemmas I'm trying to wrap my head around wouldnt apply to your situation, but its a similar issue. In a system where joint responsibility for certain things can result in joint punishment, how is the power dynamic controlled?
Example:

Bob and Alice have agreed to keep the widgets clean every week. At the end of this week they find the widgets are dirty. They mournfully look at each other and agree that they are in trouble.

Does Bob take Alice over his knee, spank her, stand up and then get over her knee? On the surface this seems to be perfectly fine, but I think we'd all agree it lacks any kind of...oomph. Neither of them is going to feel properly chastised. The only alternative to this that I can see (aside from involving a third party), is to have punishments at different times. However, the problem that results: who goes first?
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Re: DD with Switches

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Tue Nov 08, 2011 11:15 pm

Hmmmm. For the most part with me and W, I think that our rules are different enough that we haven't often had to deal with both of us being in need of consequences at the same time.

Neither of us, and particularly not W, have done well with highly specific rules--our chore-related rule is that we each need to do at least one task around the house each day, for example. With the few specific things, we are different enough in our personalities that we aren't likely to both break the same rule.

But when both of us need to receive a punishment, we do take a mental break to give ourselves time to transition from one role to another.
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Re: DD with Switches

Postby Eayore » Wed Nov 09, 2011 12:54 pm

Homebody, the kind of dilemma you describe is one of the reasons why I can't ever imagine myself in a mutually switching DD relationship.

We often have 'disagreements' which turn into arguments, and both of us can feel aggrieved at the same time. When that happens, I prefer to know there is only one of us who is in danger of getting a spanking.

Even though I don't think I deserve it sometimes when the spanking starts, I can be quite sure that by the end of it I will have accepted that I was in the wrong... and that's the way I like it!!
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Re: DD with Switches

Postby lana » Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:17 am

Eayore wrote:....Even though I don't think I deserve it sometimes when the spanking starts, I can be quite sure that by the end of it I will have accepted that I was in the wrong... and that's the way I like it!!

:yeahthat: I cant even imagine switching--except the reg sort that hurts. My hoh is definitely the dom and wants no part of getting spanked. I have however imagined giving him one good swat with each of the really bad implements to show him how much they hurt. But he has told me go ahead and it be paid back with 100x so i havent ever tried it.
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Re: DD with Switches

Postby Homebody » Tue Nov 15, 2011 11:01 pm

I think it all depends on your particular arrangement with your significant other. It is definitely more complicated to manage TTWD with switching roles, but its rewarding. Everyone is accountable and both move forward, hand-in-hand.
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Re: DD with Switches

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Sat Feb 04, 2012 10:51 am

we did try punishing each other, and it didn't work well. If you're GOING to do it, I'd say have designated times when you're the top, then switch. Could you switch week on week off? I really don't think authority can be established minute to minute.
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