How do you keep it going?

Perhaps your household works without a structure. Go you. The rest of us mortals need to figure out how this thing works. This is a spot for talking about how we create the structure of our various domestic arrangements.

How do you keep it going?

Postby bottomhusband » Wed Aug 29, 2012 3:56 pm

I have noticed that ttwd is becoming less and less prominent in our lives. Things were great this summer because my wife teaches and had the whole summer off, and I work overnights so am free most days. We really explored what we wanted out if ttwd and implemented it regularly in our daily lives. Now that school is back in session I see things slipping away. So my question is this: How do you keep things going when you start to see ttwd becoming less important? What works for you?

I have seen lots of other threads where people have been dealing with the same issue. I want to hear what works for others. As for me, I am going to clean up the apartment and leave the spanking implements on the bed for my wife to find. Hopefully she takes the hint. Maybe that is too passive agressive though. I might just ask for a spanking!
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Re: How do you keep it going?

Postby Eayore » Thu Aug 30, 2012 7:46 pm

I have learnt that when TTWD becomes less active in our lives, it is counter-productive for me to try to force things. The best I can do is to accept it; then when P is ready to pick it up again, it can be all the more rewarding to realise that she is in control.
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Re: How do you keep it going?

Postby altbob » Wed Sep 05, 2012 4:40 pm

Ask, don't hint. Many times we Tops might miss the hint. Also, clearer signals make us feel more secure in our roles. Also, the cleanup and easing of stress for her may help her have more mental energy to discipline you.
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Re: How do you keep it going?

Postby Lady Governess » Wed Sep 05, 2012 5:59 pm

I think Altbob may have hit the nail on the head there. Mental energy is what pours out of most teachers all day long. The thought of having to come home and expend a load more of it with a partner just about killed me when I was teaching.

Talk to her. Find out if she is lacking interest or just lacking energy now she's back at school. When a bottom starts hinting it can be read by a Top as, "Oh good grief, I'm being manipulated into doing somthing I really can't spare the energy to think about right now!" that's not good for either of you and will damage things long term if it goes on a lot.
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Re: How do you keep it going?

Postby Louise » Sun Sep 09, 2012 9:30 am

My husband is fairly consistent about keeping me reminded about what I am supposed to be doing etc. And he spanks me quite frequently. But if he was letting things go I probably wouldn't say anything about it, as I tend to feel I want him to decide when to spank me etc. If I have to ask, then it takes most of the excitement out of it for me.

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Re: How do you keep it going?

Postby lana » Sun Sep 09, 2012 11:00 pm

Best idea we had was to have a spanking night --like a date night--once a week to go over the minor and/or major things on his list. This way it is more predictable with the spankings --[ before it was me wondering if he forgot or whatever and then i felt irked by this not knowing what it meant and our relationship getting worse, followed by a lot of spanking and strictness again-- like a roller coaster.

I appreciate what you said Eoyore, but i dont see how you handle the periods of uncertainty...do you just continue on calmly with no arguments or tension?
lana :llama:

ps i dont call it maintenance which to me sounds too much like what you do for an automobile.
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Re: How do you keep it going?

Postby artlover » Mon Sep 10, 2012 11:02 pm

I think the idea of a spanking night is great. I like the term "relational" spanking instead of "maintenance." Though if the top is going over a list of things that the bottom is being spanked for, it has a hybrid element to it. IMO, there is a sliding scale between "good girl" spankings and discipline. Or perhaps even that metaphor is too distinct, and for many couples there are lots of shading, one type of spanking mixing with another.
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Re: How do you keep it going?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Fri Sep 14, 2012 5:03 pm

For us, when we first got into DD, we basically lived and breathed it. I thought about it all the time, we talked about everynight, he spanked frequently, we discussed those spankings etc. It was ssuch a new concept for us, and so off the wall compared to anything I'd ever thought of that we had a lot of processing to do.

And then, it slowed down. For a while, when he was not feeling very in control, there was none at all. But now we've kind of settled into a comfortable routine. Sometimes, we're more focused on it, sometimes we aren't. And we are ok with that most of the time.

I sort of liken it to buying a new house. When you are first deciding whether or what to buy, there's huge excitement. Then the closing, than the moving in, then the decorating, and the getting settled. You might have a housewarming or talk about what you want to add or change. Some of your friends haven't seen the house, even after you've lived in it for a little bit, so when they come over you get to show them around. There's huge excitement for a while.

And then, all of a sudden, it doesn't quite seem the same. You don't have a certain date where you stop calling it your new house, or anything, you just slowly start settling in, and living it.

Please forgive the metaphor. It's what I do!

Side note: Isn't it funny how us bottoms, who mostly entered in to this to give up some control, really want to control the frequency ofour spankings? alas...I gave that control up, darn it. Bah humbug.
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Re: How do you keep it going?

Postby lana » Sat Sep 15, 2012 11:38 pm

[quote="LadyShriver1"

Side note: Isn't it funny how us bottoms, who mostly entered in to this to give up some control, really want to control the frequency ofour spankings? alas...I gave that control up, darn it. Bah humbug.[/quote
]


For me it wasnt so much that I wanted to control the frequency--more that the unpredictability of it wasnt good for our relationship--so dd wasnt helping anything. I would say i quit then hed refuse to quit, wed argue about it etc etc.
He still decides if he will that night and what time but this way i know this spanking night will happen that day or if necessary in the next few days.

One term I liked that someone used was a T.E.A. Party (To Establish Authority) which could be things I did or things i need reminding about. I dont get spanked for a reward-(gg spankings)-- this would be too confusing . We have some not so serious spankings for minor stuff but the idea of it as a "reward for good behavior"would not be a reward and not turn me on much either.
lana :llama:
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Re: How do you keep it going?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Mon Sep 17, 2012 3:47 pm

Lana: I didn't mean that comment about the spanking night, just in general. It just feels like the bottoms are always talking about wishing they could get a spanking when they need one, and I know I rarely get spanked as often or as hard as I wished or think I need. I just find that kind of fun an interesting. And that may not apply to everyone, but it definitely is a frequent topic here.

I also heard that TEA party thing and loved it. We use it as a euphemism a lot. E even sometimes threatens me with it in public "If we don't leave now dear, you'll have to have your nightime TEA in bed instead of watching TV."
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Re: How do you keep it going?

Postby lana » Tue Sep 18, 2012 4:22 pm

[quote="LadyShriver1"
I also heard that TEA party thing and loved it. We use it as a euphemism a lot. E even sometimes threatens me with it in public "If we don't leave now dear, you'll have to have your nightime TEA in bed instead of watching TV." [/quote]


LOL! Yes i see what you mean too about us subs, but i see that more as just communicating much as you do in getting sexual relations right rather than as controlling.
Now Im finally getting spanked long enough to really be effective. Right from the start it was always hard enough (almost too hard to bear), but over too soon w/o the needed ritual part. I have had to be tactful in explaining it and using a few videos from spanktube helped. I think being too critical right from the start for some men, particularly extreme vanillas, would make them feel disimpowered or put down and they would maybe get turned off to the whole idea.
Its a fine line.

lana :llama:
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Re: How do you keep it going?

Postby artlover » Tue Sep 18, 2012 4:57 pm

lana wrote:[quote="LadyShriver1"
I also heard that TEA party thing and loved it. We use it as a euphemism a lot. E even sometimes threatens me with it in public "If we don't leave now dear, you'll have to have your nightime TEA in bed instead of watching TV."



LOL! Yes i see what you mean too about us subs, but i see that more as just communicating much as you do in getting sexual relations right rather than as controlling.
Now Im finally getting spanked long enough to really be effective. Right from the start it was always hard enough (almost too hard to bear), but over too soon w/o the needed ritual part. I have had to be tactful in explaining it and using a few videos from spanktube helped. I think being too critical right from the start for some men, particularly extreme vanillas, would make them feel disimpowered or put down and they would maybe get turned off to the whole idea.
Its a fine line.

lana :llama:[/quote]

That is great, Lana. I am sure your top is pleased with the results.
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