The set-up is he has his own flat not far away. He lived with me for a year while it was being done up and has gone back to live there. So, as Lana says, it has been very difficult to meet my submissive needs when I felt "he doesn't want to be with me".
But there has been progress. A lot. We have talked much and both understand better how to manage time between us. I needed it to be explained, very carefully, what he wants time FOR. And it's time for him, to process, let his mind roam, be the intellectual he is, Time to deal with the past, especially his failed marriage which wounded him to the core and to not have to give anything - which he has done too much of all his life, rather than be in touch with his own needs.
We have put together a schedule of the week, he keeps my diary and decides what happens when. He is quite happy (I misunderstood out of fear and anger) to be in contact and monitor my tasks when away. He doesn't need to switch off completely, which makes all the difference to me.
So we are back to doing all the good stuff we found in the past. It's tricky and will take a lot of working at, but he's a very good man - just a hurt one in deep ways. I am hoping now that the sheer awfulness of our being unable to help each other is over. When it works, ttwd is security for us both. When it doesn't we fall into the abyss. We are climbing slowly up again.
Thanks for writing to me and commenting. It's such a help.
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"