hard limits

Perhaps your household works without a structure. Go you. The rest of us mortals need to figure out how this thing works. This is a spot for talking about how we create the structure of our various domestic arrangements.

Re: hard limits

Postby mijita » Fri Nov 20, 2009 7:23 pm

My main limits with Paul are connected to embarrassment. I don't want to make other people uncomfortable. He's less concerned about people overhearing or knowing than I am.

Other than that, there are no explicit limits. That's not to say I'm some sort of super bottom, but that his own limits are within mine. So far anyway.
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Re: hard limits

Postby evelocke » Wed Mar 03, 2010 10:17 am

Mr. and I sat down and he said these are his limits:
*No blood or causing bleeding
*No punching
*Nothing with poop
*No leaving 'beating marks' where it is obvious. Meaning, it's okay to have a mark, but it's not okay to look like I've been beaten.
*Not making me be with other people
*nothing with animals


These are my limits:
*Nothing with poop
*No punching
*No drawing blood
*Not making me be with other people
*Nothing with animals
***Force-fucking my ass...I tried and had to use the safe word. I said I would give it one more go, but I'll put this on here just in case.

I'm pretty much open to anything else and let Mr. do what he wants. He has had to slap me in the face a few times for screaming at him and being out of control, but it wasn't very hard and he told me he is having trouble with feeling comfortable with that one....but that is effective for me. For me it's quite humiliating.

I am interested in exactly what TTWD stands for? Because I thought we did DD (domestic discipline). Thanks:)
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Re: hard limits

Postby Sara'sGirl(SG) » Wed Mar 03, 2010 4:40 pm

TTWD stands for "this thing we do"--I tend to use it to refer to DD, but I think sometimes DD doesn't cover all of TTWD for me, so I usually use TTWD instead of DD. :)
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Spank-O Cruise

Postby YamahaBrat » Wed Mar 03, 2010 6:08 pm

I want to sign up for the Spank-O cruise!
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Re: hard limits

Postby Eayore » Thu Mar 04, 2010 9:14 pm

Eve, that sounds like a really clear agreement on the limits. If I'm reading it right, you are saying you agree with all Mr's limits except the one about leaving visible signs of beating? I think that's quite similar to my own situation. The one about force-fucking sounds nasty to me, I don't even want to think about that, but I certainly do think you have every right to exclude it.

On the meaning of TTWD, I think the point of having this title was it was deliberately not 'prescriptive' of what is done, for what reason, or by and to whom. In other words people practising DD can and do join the forum, but DD is not necessarily the only thing that people talk about on TTWD - if that makes sense? Each couple works out what they do and why.
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Re: hard limits

Postby Sara'sGirl(SG) » Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:30 pm

Eayore wrote:On the meaning of TTWD, I think the point of having this title was it was deliberately not 'prescriptive' of what is done, for what reason, or by and to whom. In other words people practising DD can and do join the forum, but DD is not necessarily the only thing that people talk about on TTWD - if that makes sense? Each couple works out what they do and why.


Great way of putting it Eayore! I was having a hard time articulating why I like "TTWD" better than "DD" and I think it's because, for me, TTWD is broader. It encompasses DD for many of us, but for me it can go beyond that, or apply to things that I haven't heard discussed on other DD forums. It's not just domestic discipline, but the whole, well, thing we do. :)
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Re: hard limits

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Thu Mar 04, 2010 11:53 pm

i went with "ttwd" instead of "DD" partly to give the board a somewhat broader appeal, and partly because i was starting the board after being rejected from several forums because they insisted that a same-sex couple couldn't *possibly* be doing domestic discipline, which in the minds of the people moderating those forums is restricted to male top/female bottom, generally christian-influenced disciplinary relationships. so part of it was some crankiness on my part around that.

but the ongoing reason for me is that "this thing we do" encompasses a lot more than is generally assumed by "domestic discipline," and i wanted to keep the general terminology as open as possible. i think that there are lots of ways people engage in "some form of external structure" that doesn't fit any more narrow category.
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Re: hard limits

Postby GF1 » Fri Mar 05, 2010 4:20 pm

If a label matters, TTWD fits T and I better than domestic discipline. DD as a label, in my mind, is bit more rigid than what T and I practice. I am not saying I am right about dd, it is just my mindset around the terms.
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Re: hard limits

Postby DaddysLucy » Thu Mar 11, 2010 12:32 am

I'm a little late to this party, but I will reply to both directions this thread took :)

On TTWD: I like this terminology a lot, because in my relationship we do DD, but we also do D/s, BDSM, and spanking me for the hell of it. Lately, we are also exploring including another D/s (but not DD) couple in our relationship (which is fun and sexy and exciting, but also scary and new and weird), which would add a certain amount of "poly" or at least "openness" to TTWD.

On hard limits: I don't actually know that Daddy and I have discussed this in a DD context. In a BDSM context, there are certain things that are hard limits for both of us (mostly things that involve cutting or knives or blood), but generally my limits are soft. That's due to the fact that when we first started dating, everything we did was so scary and new and fraught with tension for me. If I had been setting hard limits all the time, we wouldn't have gotten very far.

We've been together long enough that I trust him to know what I can handle, and to know what's best for me. He also knows what my hard limits would be, I think, even if those are things I can't articulate here. He also knows what limits are soft, however, and when and how to push those limits. That works well for us.
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