Ball gag

Which do you love? Which do you hate? Which are effective? Which are delightfully noisy? Which have the utility of a wet noodle?

Ball gag

Postby lscountry20 » Wed Aug 18, 2010 5:50 am

I am a bottom, and according to my top I am too loud. He has been spanking me as deserved, but I tend to lose control of myself and crying and pleading. I've seen some of the spankings on spankingtube.com and I can tell you I am not compliant. I was better in during my last spanking as far as be willing to go over his knee and trying to hold my position, but it only took a few swats before I was crying, begging for mercy, and twisting. He feels that a ball gag is necessary, so that others do not hear me, I think its so he doesn't have to hear me. The punishments are fair he is not going to go to the point that a safe word should be used, although, at times, I would do anything to stop the punishment.
Since we are new to domestic discipline, can someone tell me what I should think about the ball gag. I won't really get a choice once he decides if he is getting one, so I want to kind of know what to expect. Does a ball gag quiet the spanked? Is it uncomfortable? Should I say no way? Has anyone else here been requested to wear one?
I wish I could be quiet and take the punishment without making him struggle to do it.
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Re: Ball gag

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Wed Aug 18, 2010 10:46 am

I generally have a pillow to hold onto and put my face into for when I need to make noises when I'm getting spanked, which mostly helps with the noise factor for me. The spanking itself is generally a lot louder than me!

Have you spent much time talking with your top about what's going on when you're resisting and making "too much noise"? It might be nice, in a perfect world, if the solution were for you to just be more compliant, but my own experience is that if something is making me respond badly, no amount of telling myself I should respond differently will change the situation. I need to figure out what's making me respond badly, and change that.

With me, W has observed that I pretty much only resist the spanking when I'm triggered (as in, something is bringing up panic for me) or when there's something wrong with it. When I feel safe--emotionally and physically--she can whale on my backside, and I can hold still and stay pretty quiet. If I'm feeling unsafe, even a pretty mild spanking will make it impossible for me to hold still or be quiet.

So, for us, the solution was to figure out ways of being in touch with each other, communicating well before a spanking, and communicating during the spanking. Being held down and punished in spite of any resistance is a nice fantasy for me, but it really doesn't work out well for me in practice. In my own relationship, it doesn't work out well to ignore the signals my body and subconscious give out when a spanking happens. For us, what works best is to figure out what those signals mean, and address the underlying causes.
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Re: Ball gag

Postby Eayore » Wed Aug 18, 2010 6:40 pm

I don't have any experience of ball gags myself, but I don't think I would like them. I think it is very much about how you, as the bottom, feel about such a thing. If you really don't like the idea then I hope you do have a choice. If you're willing to try it out, then fine!
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Re: Ball gag

Postby Sara'sGirl(SG) » Wed Aug 18, 2010 9:45 pm

I hate the idea of ball gags, primarily b/c I hate the thought of how I'd look in one, but also b/c I feel like they inhibit breathing a little. I know they have them that are better about not doing that, but for me, personally, they just make me feel nervous.

I, also, have a pillow handy when I'm being spanked.
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Re: Ball gag

Postby MissCane » Thu Aug 19, 2010 12:08 am

We don't have a ball gag and nor do I think we'd need one. And I hardly even restrain him while punishing and the only time I'd restrain him by tying his hands above his head is when he takes a whipping with my single tail, which is on very rare occasions.

He has been properly trained to assume position and take the punishment with the least noise and maintain position and failure to do so will earn him extras. That is enough deterrant for him to keep as less noisy as possible and maintain his position during punishment. If I feel he is noisy, a simple 'SHUSH ! QUIET' from me will do to get his composure during the punishment.
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Re: Ball gag

Postby Naughty butt Nice » Thu Aug 19, 2010 4:40 pm

I manage to stay relatively quiet during punishment, but I think that has more to do with the fact that I have little ones that we don't want to hear us. When I do cry I usually use my pillow as well. We don't have a safe word, but I have no fear of him going too far. I have more trouble with him not going far enough.

I don't think I could handle a ball gag. If it restricts breathing in any way then I would start hyperventilating and pass out. I have a fear of not having enough oxygen and small or restrictive places.
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Re: Ball gag

Postby lscountry20 » Sat Aug 21, 2010 12:19 am

Thank you for the advice. I can be loud with sex also. We do not mix the two, punishments and sex are two different situations. I'll try the pillow and being more submissive.

I agree with the issues with breathing and also how it would look. I'm happy to hear that no one has used one, it gives me some evidence to show him that its not a good idea.
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Re: Ball gag

Postby Punishme » Fri Sep 03, 2010 2:05 pm

My wife screams so I use a ball gag and a blindfold-it calms her down.

She does'nt like the Ball Gag but she says I can use it if she is really bad.

Sometimes we use it as a punishment because she hates it so much. It really works.

Sometimes she has to go round the house wearing it when she is grounded.We reserve that for serious stuff.

Trust me - Ball Gags are horrible
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Re: Ball gag

Postby lana » Fri Nov 05, 2010 9:55 pm

Any kind of gag that would restrict my breathing is beyond my hard limits.
Due to claustrophobia I hate being tied up but would prolly submit to it if it was required. My HOH can control me safely once i am OTK since he is taller, heavier and stronger than me. When he uses the cane over the couch arm, I sometimes do move but I am given time to get back into position after each stroke.

Besides how it would feel, a ball gag would look too weird too--like something out of an BDSM movie..Fortunately we live way out in the country so noise of the paddling and my yelling stop and please isnt a problem . I have never actually screamed during a punishment-Im not sure why except that I just dont ever scream.
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Re: Ball gag

Postby Eayore » Sat Nov 06, 2010 8:37 am

I generally pride myself for taking my punishments in silence, although recently I have started saying "Ow!" and "Agh!" when it really hurts. I think it helps to stop me from moving out of position.
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Re: Ball gag

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Sat Nov 06, 2010 8:44 am

I generally have a pillow I can use if I need to howl. For the most part, I can take my punishments pretty quietly, but if I do need to make noise, I bury my face in the pillow, which probably muffles at least as much as a gag would.
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Re: Ball gag

Postby Julia » Wed Nov 10, 2010 7:58 am

I have used a ball gag but in the context of "playing around in a BDSM sort of way". I would never think about having one in a disciplinary situation. I have hesitated a bit about posting this because I know that my/our view on this is not shared by many people. However, for the sake of diversity........here it is.

For me, it is important that discipline involves submission - and ONE (and only one) aspect of that means I need to not only 'get spanked' (or caned, paddled, switched....etc,etc,etc,etc) but I also have to actively 'receive' that punishment. I am expected to do something more than demonstrate passive submission. I have to make as much effort to receive the punishment properly as K makes in administering it. And in our house, 'properly' means 'with control over my physical and vocal reactions'. If I were to shout too loudly it would be almost as unacceptable as if I stood up in the middle of a caning.

It's funny really, because when I administer a spanking in spank meets or when I watch films of spankings etc., I love nothing more than to hear someone wailing! Maybe it's a fantasy of what I'd like to be allowed to do at home. :lol: But I'm not allowed and that's that.

This is just us though - and I am aware that our relationship is very different from many others' relationships.
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Re: Ball gag

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Wed Nov 10, 2010 8:29 am

Julia wrote:And in our house, 'properly' means 'with control over my physical and vocal reactions'. If I were to shout too loudly it would be almost as unacceptable as if I stood up in the middle of a caning.


That's not specifically a rule in our house, but we recognize that if I'm shouting too loudly or physically struggling, I'm not in the right mental space for the punishment to be effective. On the other hand, if I'm staying absolutely perfectly still and silent, that is *also* a sign that things are probably not right. So we aim for a middle ground, where I'm definitely responding to the situation, but not resisting it.

Julia wrote:I also have to actively 'receive' that punishment. I am expected to do something more than demonstrate passive submission.


It's interesting to consider this aspect, where being on the receiving end of things is still active involvement, rather than passive submission. I think that's definitely an aspect of how things are here as well, even though I had never thought of it exactly that way. I submit, not because W overpowers me and forces me to do something against my will. I submit because I have chosen to give her the power to discipline me. The analogy W has fairly frequently used is a trust fall, where one person (in this analogy, me) falls back and allows herself to be caught by the other person (in this analogy, W). It's an active choice for both of them, and it only works if both of them commit to what they are doing. It wouldn't work if I resisted being caught, and it wouldn't work if W weren't ready to catch me.
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Re: Ball gag

Postby Eayore » Wed Nov 10, 2010 7:17 pm

Yes, I think that applies to us as well: 'being on the receiving end of things is still active involvement.' It's something where I don't always manage to live up to expectations (I mean by holding still).

Thanks for raising this. Julia, I wouldn't see any reason for you to be hesitant about posting about what happens in your household? To me, that's what this board is all about - describing our own experience, whether or not it is shared by many others (or any others for that matter!)
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Re: Ball gag

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Wed Nov 10, 2010 8:01 pm

When JA is completely silent and not responsive, it freaks me out. It makes me think she's dissociating, on another planet, etc...


First of all, that's not my intent. Secondly, if she spaces out, what's the use of a punishment? if she's not there, how can it be effective?
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