Let me disclaim that I don't know you at all so I may be way off base here, but your post got me thinking along a number of lines.
First, if you have never been caned, you should try it. The sensation is unlike any other I’ve ever felt. You are right to be scared as the pain is intense, but I find it unique in that the initial sting of the cane swells into a crescendo that fills your entire body a few seconds after impact. For me, the pain builds and spreads throughout my entire body in a way that no other implement I’ve found does. Also, I’d assume you would only do this with a person you trust who is experienced in corporeal punishment and the strokes can be easily modulated. For us, light strokes merely sting (without the above effect) and leave red lines that disappear in a day or two; medium strokes act as above and leave the distinctive twin raised welts on either side of the stroke that turn to light bruising that lasts 3-5 days; hard strokes very vividly engulf your entire body, leave distinct welts and may break the skin if the strokes cross (always to be avoided or carefully controlled), and results in deep bruising for 7-10 days. We “play” in the light/medium area, “punish” in the medium area, and have only a few times gone further for some very personal and significant reasons.
Second, we also have children and would never think of any spanking/caning/paddling when they are in the house. This is just something that we both strongly believe children should not be exposed to in any way and we don’t want to risk it. But, it does interfere with the process at times. We choose times the kids are at sleepovers, at school, or playing at a friend’s house, and have otherwise used this to find creative ways to punish each other with less audible consequences!
We also found this with rules being an issue. We really don’t want the children to be exposed to certain “mommy rules” and “daddy rules” or the concept of DD in general, particularly since in our case there are often sexual connotations. We believe this is something that they, as adults, can choose to engage in or not. This is similar to the issue many 24/7 dom/sub master/slave TPE couples experience with public places. People look at you a little weird when you avoid eye contact and say “yes, Master” or “yes, Mistress” in public! We try and come up with rules that can work in front of the kids and in public, and still be effective in our goal as husband and wife to better our relationship and demonstrate the love, commitment, support and respect we have for each other.
One example is the “please/thank you” rule that we both have. When asking the other for something we insist on a “please” and a “thank you.” Sounds simple, but you’d be surprised how often it gets lost between couples and how awkward it first feels in practice. It sets a great example for the kids we think, and still let’s us both giggle a little inside when we’re out and friends note how “polite” we always are to each other! Those moments drive us together and really feel great.
Eayore: Still think I'm not wordy and verbose?!