"Not in the mood..." in a serious way?

[brightlyblaze]

Hi all,

Please keep in mind that I am fairly new to TTWD and still groping around in the dark....

How do you handle it when you have certainly earned a spanking, but you know your head is not in the right place to accept it effectively? I don't just mean the run of the mill "I had a long day and don't feel like being spanked," but more serious tension..... I have a caning on the docket for tomorrow that has already been rescheduled twice (due to real life, not me complaining!) and I'm just feeling so high strung lately that while an over-the-knee spanking might relieve some stress, a caning just seems like it will be too hard (psychologically) to take.

I've told Him about this, and he does understand where I am coming from. Usually when I'm stressed out, I gravitate towards "Sir, I'm cranky, and I need to be over your knee" so he does understand that there's something different going on if I'm hesitant. And he would put the caning off for a later date if I really tell him I don't think I can take it effectively. But at the same time, I don't want to feel like I am calling the shots.

Sorry, this turned more into "thinking out loud" than anything else. But if anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it.

Happy belated New Year!

[Eayore]

It sounds like your partner is quite understanding. I think only you can decide where is the acceptable dividing line between 'calling the shots' and being responsible by asking for the punishment which is going to work for you right now... But if you know you are not in the right space to accept a caning, I would be inclined to go for the OTK spanking (or possibly postpone again, to a time where you know you will be able to accept it.)

[JigsawAnalogy]

One of the major considerations worked into my and W's disciplinary relationship is that I will give her as much information as I can about what's going on with me. It's not just about my needs as a bottom. It's also because the last thing W wants to do is give me a punishment that takes me to the wrong place, psychologically speaking. She can't feel as confident as a top if she isn't able to trust that I'm going to give her the information she needs about what's going on with me.

That said, there have been times when giving her that information mostly meant that she took some extra time to get me into the head space where the slated punishment would be effective--sometimes, it was a hand spanking followed by the caning I'd earned. Other times, it's been things like corner time, or talking, or other types of decompression. If it's really difficult for you guys to schedule time for a punishment, it might be helpful if your top tries some different methods for helping you to be in the right head space if you're not there when you finally get the chance for the caning. (Not sure of suggestions here, nor if you'd want them--mostly, my guess is that different things will work for different people. So whatever works....)

Good luck with it!

[brightlyblaze]

Thank you both for your thoughts. I'm laughing as I read them because when I talked to him a few minutes ago, and told him that I was apprehensive, his decision was that he will spank me over his knee first to calm me down, and then see where to go from there. Like JA's W, he is leery of enforcing a punishment that will not work psychologically, so I'm pretty comfortable with him reading my reaction (now that I've clued him in, at least) and deciding if he can cane me after taking me over his knee.

There is a specific reason for the cane being used in this occasion rather than another otk implement, so I know he won't totally change the plan, but I'm more comfortable knowing that he will decide whether or not to postpone it after seeing how I react to a hand spanking.

Do you guys have a preferred position, implement, scenario for spanking that helps to calm you down when life gets icky?

[Eayore]

Sounds good. Yes, my preferred position for calming me down is standing in the corner. The only implement which gets used around here is the cane, and that generally isn't very calming in our case.

[brightlyblaze]

Eeyore, I can't imagine the cane ever being calming! I did get caned today, and it wasn't awful..... mentally, at least. : )

[Eayore]

I'm delighted to hear it, brightlyblaze!