Oh...it is possible in the resistance situations that I may *think* that I am resisting because O is doing something wrong, and I need her to hear me out if I am saying that, without getting mad or guilty...if she is able to do that.
On the other hand, my perception may or may not be accurate. One of the ways that I deal with fear is by grabbing back onto control *hard*...and criticizing O is a way to grab control back. Unfortunately, when I am doing that...I really have no idea that is what is going on...but, can sometimes recognize it later...especially, when sitting on a
or in the
in my mouth...usually, after a big fight
Unfortunately, if it comes to that, trust has often been lost because of the fight, and will need to be reestablished.
I am not sure what would help...except for O to not take what I say personally...if she can avoid it...and stay firm. I think that the more confident she gets, the more she will be able to know the difference between a legitimate concern, and seizing control out of fear.