Anxiety

[yoregirl]

I suffer from anxiety and sometimes. Most times.

Sometimes I feel like I should leave him, but only because i am so ashamed of the anxiety. He gets upset when i talk like this. In fact it usually gets me pretty severely punished. but I am terribly afraid that one day my anxiety disorder is going to ruin my relationship with him and I don't want to hurt him.

I would appreciate any advice or feedback.

[JigsawAnalogy]

When I feel like I'm not worthy of my relationship because of my mental health issues (or my physical health issues, for that matter), what I've learned is that the best approach for me is to work on coping with the issues, rather than work on ending the relationship.

W is able to decide for herself whether or not this relationship is good for her. I need to trust what she says about it being good, even when I'm not able to do the things I think I ought to, or when I'm not able to be the person I think I ought to be.

There's always a chance that someone who was healthy to begin with will have something happen that makes them less healthy, whether physically or mentally. Being flawed doesn't mean we don't deserve relationships.


For me, in a position like you're describing, I'd also be making sure to get myself into therapy with a good therapist, and work through the issues causing the anxiety. I tend to have a certain bias that says that low self-esteem and anxiety probably have a source that can be worked through, and that life is better when you do that. Meds are also good, and I think you mentioned having those, so it's definitely a good idea to make use of them!

[Meg]

One of the biggest pet peeves I have is the stigma surrounding mental illness. It is especially frustrating in that there is more and more research showing that a lot of mental illness is *physical* and neurological.

You have a chronic illness, no different than diabetes or asthma. Yes, you have a responsibility to manage it as well as you can! It is not fair to either of you if you do not take your meds. There is a lot of evidence out there that anxiety in particular has strong neurological component. It can be *seen* in PET scans. It has been shown that trauma actually changes the wiring of a person's brain.

There have also been studies that show that talk therapy *does* help even when there is a neurological component, especially if there is trauma involved. Talk therapy can actually rewire the brain in ways that can be seen in a PET scan.

Let him help you and be with you! That is part of a relationship as well. There will be times that you need to be with him as well.

[Eayore]

I would like to suggest you talk to BF about it. Reading your other post again, it occurs to me that possibly you need to ask him not to give you a whipping just for bringing it up.

I guess most of us, if not all of us have concerns and anxieties about our relationships. Some on this board have talked about their anxiety turning to panic at times - so you might be able to read some posts about how they managed to deal with it. Talking with their partner was one that sticks in my mind.

Probably that is not the only one, and I imagine only you can really decide which ideas you find most useful right now.

I personally don't think anxiety is anything to feel ashamed about.

[W-Jigsaw'sBoss]

I agree with everything everyone has said so far. Also:

EVERYONE is flawed in SOME way or another. We ALL deserve to be loved and taken care of AND given the chance to take care of someone else.

Take care of yourself so that you can be strong and functional enough to take care of HIM!

[laurahill]

Regular practicing of yoga and medication are good for treating anxiety disorder.Yoga helps to improve brain functioning by increasing blood circulation.It helps to keep mind fresh and stress free.

[muchinspired]

Sometimes I feel like I should leave him, but only because i am so ashamed of the anxiety. He gets upset when i talk like this.

----

This is the story of my past three months. I was on a medication that caused severe depression and anxiety and I already had a problem with both of those things. For years. My nights turned into crying and bawling and just begging for R to come to me and it was draining. It was so draining, for both me and her. We're long distance which makes it even harder and that anxiety is with me every single day. I got to the point one day where I was going to break up with her (and tried to, even tried to dissassociate myself from doing it) because bad thoughts were convincing me that I had to because of the small flaws in our relationship. That anxiety and depression took /everything/ from me. I lost weight and I didn't interact with people for weeks. About a month after that night I was feeling guilty because I had wanted to. Because after we got back together for a moment I felt so miserable because I was stuck again. Stuck with her.

I feel ashamed right now.

I don't feel stuck anymore. R and I talked and talked and talked and we're doing better now. So much better and I love her with everything that I can muster. With anxiety I just have to take it a day at a time and I know that and she knows that. My advice to you would be to really sit down with your lover and explain the thoughts that you have, whatever they may be, how bad, and don't be afraid to express emotion. If he is willing to help you, then you can work on this together. See a therapist, maybe get a therapy pet, try meditation, yoga, exercise. Find something that you love and focus on it. Sleep with a stuffed animal for extra comfort, drink tea to calm yourself down. There are a lot of methods and you're okay. Because R and I can't be there to hug you and take you to the movies, you have to be good to yourself for us, okay? Be good to yourself.

[splorange]

B reading this makes me feel so much better and so much happier for you. The internet and distance is a curse. We were all worried about you and R but practically speaking there wasn't much we could do. And the distance BETWEEN you and R is an added problem. I'm so proud that the two of you worked on your problem and started to make things better!

I know this seems weird, because I don't know you well. And yet, shared bottomhood is a bond.

For yoregirl, though i know it's an old post, and maybe (hopefully) everything's fine now - i concur with the others' advice. And absolutely - you deal with your anxiety as you need to. Stop worrying about his reaction to it. That's for him to do, and if he says he wants to be with you, trust him. Trust is one of our most constant helpers in this world. Good luck.

[W-Jigsaw'sBoss]

Can you give us an update as to how you're feeling?