Eating is one of my rules, for a variety of reasons (okay, the reasons consist largely of the fact that I can forget to eat, and that stresses W out). And I've had a lot of rules that might be "none of W's responsibility," and our basic approach is that as partners, we have the right and responsibility to look out for each others' well-being.
But then I think about something like me quitting smoking. This is something I asked for W's help with, and it's something that she wasn't able to help me with in the ways that I wanted. I've had to accept that it really was my responsibility, not because W doesn't love me or because she didn't want to help, but because that was something where I needed to be the one primarily in charge of the process of quitting. The fantasy of her being able to end my addiction with spanking was nice, but it was a *fantasy*.
I guess that one way of looking at it is that addiction is a different thing to grapple with than a bad habit. So you might want to look at what your issues with eating are--whether it's forgetfulness or an eating disorder--and deal with things accordingly.
But back to the codependency vs. submission thing... once I became an adult, my response to the codependency in my family was pretty much to cut myself off from them. I have what might be called a cordial but distant relationship with them (literally distant, for most of my adult life). For years, the way I could avoid being enmeshed was by being physically distant: "Oh, I'm so sorry you lost your job because you your boss is an idiot. I'd let you stay here, but, oh darn, I live 3000 miles away."
W and I have both worked hard on having a healthy relationship, which can sometimes be a struggle for us, since neither of us came from families where that was modeled. I think I, at least, have to thank some kind of divine intervention for our finding each other, since we really are healthier as a couple than we are separately!
I also want to note that W and I have a rule about my "attitude," which could fall under the category of being bitchy... it works for us. If W gets to the point of punishing me for something, I generally recognize that I was out of line (at least, by the time I'm getting punished for it I do!).
To me, the biggest difference between codependence and submission is that codependence tends to support or increase unhealthy behavior, and for those of us for whom submission is necessary, it tends to support or increase healthy behavior. It might be harder, and feel less "natural" to those of us who grew up in codependent households, but in the end, we feel better than we would without it.
I hope I haven't completely wandered off-topic here....