Thanks you guys. I think it's more just the idea of talking - about any of it - that's freaking me out, rather than the amount of talking I have to do... But it certainly feels easier to think about now with what you've all said.
PIP: Yeah, i think that's just what I have to keep reminding myself; that it'll feel good, and be good for me, in the end. I'm really a bit of a wuss when it comes to things like this

But I think once I take the first step it won't seem anywhere near as hard. Thanks for the information, I'm hoping I can find someonewho clicks with me fairly quickly, but with my track record of distrusting new people... Well, I guess I just have to try, right?
JA: Thank you :3 It definitely helps to read about your experiences and I'm really glad therapy helped so much. I mean, I knew on some level that it's a good thing and that it'd help... but I'd just gotten it into my head that this was going to be an awful, scary thing to do. I'm not even sure how, haha. I really want to get rid of those quasi suicidal thoughts

I don't tend to have them often but when you catch yourself wondering about how easy it would be to hurt yourself or even go further than that... it should be a sign that something's wrong, huh? So I'll definitely try to stick with it.
Altbob: You make me giggle a lot

I do hope therapy won't be quite as uncomfortable as a colonoscopy! Mm, your approach sounds pretty good, actually XD I think I might say that I won't be very good at volenteering information myself, so they'll have to ask the questions - at first at least. Hopefully as I get more comfortable, I'll be able to talk more freely with them. Thank you for the advice and the well wishes :3
Well, I actually ended up gathering the courage to show this thread to T. Her first response was pretty much "You silly child, of course I love you."

We had a long discussion about it which pretty much resulted in my agreeing to go and email them and T telling me that she understands that I need to take this at my own pace. And that she'll come with me as much as I need her to (which I really want her to, as I'm being pretty clingy at the moment...). We also ended up discussing the fact that I
really need to stop keeping my worries to myself like this

as I've done it.... many times before

I have to realise that T can't help me if I hide the fact that I'm upset. So I'm sitting rather gingerly as I type this since T has now made it part of my rules to
tell her if something is wrong. Especially if it's something that she's inadvertantly making worse because she doesn't know it's upsetting me. T has gotten far too good at spanking me since we started this... But that's a thought for another post entirely XD
So anyway, I'm going to email them tomorrow about coming in for a session for them to decide what kind of help they can give me. And I'm not going to stall over this or I think T and I will be having another 'discussion'

Thanks again for your responses
