Changing Your Mind

[W-Jigsaw'sBoss]

We have a problem that I don't know how to address.

It's fairly specific to us, but I'll lay it out and then adapt for regular folks. Differentiate is the new buzzword in education...

Not all of J's parts agree to the rules. I have pretty much stayed firm on them since I agreed to have rules for J, not various parts and not others. It's too easy to be like, Oh, I'm not HER, I'm HER!

I suppose the analogy might be if someone changed their mind, but it's really not the same...

I don't know. I should write more and explain more but I'm just frustrated with inconsistency, both on her end and mine. Maybe she'll chime in, on the other hand a day later she might want to say the complete opposite.

J- delete this if I wrote a terrible, offensive post. I'm tired and not really thinking coherently. How can I meet your needs if it feels like your needs are changing day to day?

[Sara'sGirl(SG)]

This sounds extremely difficult.

How old is the part that is attempting to not consent to the rules?

Is it a possibility to agree not to discipline that part, if you simply don't feel comfortable with it?

Is this part truly not consenting, or is it just attempting to test/to put you in a difficult situation?

Does J have a safe word? Does this part know it?

I might invoke that, and see what the part does. Tell the part that it is a child, and that if one of its adult parts have something to say you will discuss it with them, but that like ANY child, she has rules for her own benefit. And if something you are doing is hurting or frightening her, she may use a safeword. Short of that, however, you are going to do what you and J have agreed upon. And if she does use the safe word...well, I'd say, back off, and realize that you don't have any responsibility to be consistent in the face of revoked consent.

The bottom line, in my mind, is that this is a child. If you aren't comfortable with it, maybe don't spank this part. But I wouldn't let her get away with stuff either. She is a child, and disciplining her won't hurt her, and IS what your partner has asked of you. That's just my thought, and is mostly based on the idea that this part is pushing you and testing you, NOT actually trying to say that it thinks what you're doing is harmful or actually unwanted.

[GF1]

It sounds like a very difficult position. I have no good advice, just wanted to say good luck in working it out.

[bodack]

I know how you feel. Thirty years ago back in my college days, I dated a girl I was trying to get into spanking. At first she did it for me and then some days she seemed to really enjoy it and other days it obviously bothered her. So much that I back off on it and then one day it was her suggestion.

To make a long story short after we broke up and we were sorta dating each other and other people I said something to her and she bit my head off. She said " and you used to beat the crap out of me". I was smart enough not to say I don't remember that but I truly don't. I never left bruises and I never made her cry. And I always stopped when she wanted me to.

That is the biggest reason I have never tried spanking in a relationship since.

[Eayore]

Bodack, I know what that feels like! When we get into a blazing row, I often get confronted with the awful things I like my wife to do to me, as if she never consented to them in the first place. The rest of the time, though, she is quite content to punish me when it suits her, and she even tells me she likes it.

It's a great way for her to put me on the defensive in an argument, because there really isn't any way to counter it (except perhaps to ask her why she is suddenly changing the subject to THAT?)

[Eayore]

[DaddysLucy]

I don't know that I have anything new or particularly constructive to add, except to say that I agree with Nic. This part is a child, and any child who acts up or gets attitudinal would be punished. Maybe that means not spanking this part, but it can still mean a stern lecture, or corner time, or something else.

I do think that your assertion that you agreed to rules with JA, and that means you can't suspend them for anyone else who comes out, so I think that an adult-child conversation with this part is in order (and I think Nic's safeword idea is great).

This must be very tough, but I'm sure you guys will come to an agreement.