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This thing we do • View topic - Talking to your counsellor about dd

Talking to your counsellor about dd

In a perfect world, discipline would cure all ills. But in the real world, not so much. How do we deal with those diagnoses that spanking just can't make go away. (You know, depression, ADD, DID/MPD. The thing a therapist would put on your medical record to convince the insurance company that they have to pay up, if you had a therapist and health insurance.)

Talking to your counsellor about dd

Postby Homeatlast » Tue Sep 22, 2009 6:21 pm

I started asking folks about this on another thread but it seemed more appropriate to post here. I know I'm rambling all over the site at the moment but my ttwd friends you guys are my lifeline to the outside world at the moment plus to me you are all far saner all those out there running around thinking they're not crazy - ok rambling again, sorry.

Saw my counsellor today, not yet told her about dd but she does know that now that there is something I'm not telling her! It felt like not saying anything was getting in the way but I'm not ready to come out with 'oh yea I get spanked when I break the rules'. We had a really productive session 'not' talking about what it was but around the issues of why I felt I couldn't talk to her about it. I feel weird now like I've kind of half opened the closet but I'm going to find it difficult to jump out but shutting the door doesn't feel ok either.

Anyway not sure what the hell I'm trying to say or why I'm bothering you with this.

Also I have to make this decision post grad school in the next week or so and yesterday at the gp I couldn't remember my address! What the f*ck do I think I'm doing even considering a post grad degree (in psychology - please no laughter)

Ok I'll shut up now
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Re: Talking to your counsellor about dd

Postby Sara'sGirl(SG) » Tue Sep 22, 2009 6:39 pm

Feel free to continue rambling all over the site; we like it.

I told previous counselors about DD, but I haven't told my most current counselor, in large part I think b/c he's a guy, so I don't connect as well to him (not that I don't connect well to all guys, maybe just guys in "authority" type positions or something; I'm not really sure). Anyway, yeah, it's awkward for me when I tell them. I've started out by asking how familiar they are with BDSM. For me, DD isn't (entirely) related to BDSM, but it makes me feel more like i know where THEIR knowledge level is at to get into the convo, and then I explain that I have a deep desire to be spanked by someone, and that I feel like it helps me, calms me, helps me learn discipline, yadda yadda yadda. But I do usually start with BDSM, b/c frankly, I don't know how to say, "well, one thing that I've wanted to tell you, but I've felt awkward and haven't known how is that I like to be spanked when I'm bad." I'm sure it would work (probably just as well), but it FEELS to scary for me to make myself say.

On a side note, I don't think not being able to remember your address has anything to do with whether or not you should pursue a post-graduate degree. Absent minded professor, anyone? :-) Those PhDs, in psychology or WHATEVER aren't REALLY much more sane than the rest of us. I mean, they may have better coping tools, communication skills, but they don't have no issues. No laughter here. And there's a couple uni profs on the site as well, I believe. Though they DO seem fairly issueless, in comparison to, say ME, for example. :-P
Nic

Sing 'til you're breaking glass
or you're breaking down

~Idina Menzel

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Re: Talking to your counsellor about dd

Postby bodack » Tue Sep 22, 2009 7:51 pm

Nobody tells their therapist everything. They are used to it. And they are no more stable than the rest of us. They are just very good at putting on a persona while they talk to you.

And maybe you don't want to talk about DD because you don't consider it to be an issue.
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Re: Talking to your counsellor about dd

Postby Homeatlast » Wed Sep 23, 2009 6:04 am

bodack - I do want to tell her, for a lot of reasons but mainly because it is very relevant to what makes me tick and other issues that we are worrking on. I also think not telling her is more about my stuff than her as she is a good counsellor and I know she will do her best to 'get it'.

Thanks for the comment abot counsellors, I know this to be true as I've been a qualified and practising counsellor and mediator for the past decade! So KNOW they have issues too. I am not working at the moment obviously as my issues are too big right now - I hope to work again though in the future. Being a counsellor in counselling doesn't feel too weird as we are encouraged to keep up our own personal therapy for our sake and the safety of our clients -what is hard to deal with is that I allowed myself to get as bad as I am now - maybe some sort of arrogance that I could somehow cope when others couldn't? Anyway knowing the theory and techniques is not really helpful at this point in a lot of ways it makes relating to another therapist more difficult / embarassing. At least the one I see knows all this so hopefully if I need to tell her I will get there eventually.

I KNOW that dd is nothing to be embarassed about. I KNOW that mental health issues are hellish and definitely nothing to be embarassed about. YET I AM.
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Re: Talking to your counsellor about dd

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Wed Sep 23, 2009 8:15 am

nick: if it makes you feel less sheepish about "letting yourself get this bad", i will let you know that there were people who worked at the domestic violence shelter where i used to work who were being abused by their partners. so they would spend their days teaching people how to get out of domestic violence relationships, and then go home to be abused. no one is perfect, and no matter how much information you have, it's still hard to deal with your issues. in my opinion.


as for talking about this with therapists, in some ways, i think i have an advantage from being multiple. basically, i can approach it from the perspective of younger parts, who really need the discipline. but then, in couples' therapy, once w and i got over our nervous giggling (which took a few sessions), we have been able to talk through quite a few different issues with how our structure works, or we've been able to talk about relationship issues that were framed by dd stuff (hard to describe, but when the issue comes up during dd, it's nice to be able to say what was going on when the stuff came up, without having to be all vague).


the trick has mostly been figuring out how to say it without being embarrassed or acting as though we're ashamed. and also, on my part, it's taken the work of being able to explain why ttwd is different from abuse, and to make it clear that it's a healthy choice for me. from what i can tell, a good therapist is going to trust you if you're able to explain how something makes you feel, and that it's good.

mind you, i don't know how it would be if the rest of my life had me making a bunch of stupid choices. but i mostly make pretty good decisions, so my therapists trust my judgment.
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