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This thing we do • View topic - Does DD help with being afraid?

Does DD help with being afraid?

In a perfect world, discipline would cure all ills. But in the real world, not so much. How do we deal with those diagnoses that spanking just can't make go away. (You know, depression, ADD, DID/MPD. The thing a therapist would put on your medical record to convince the insurance company that they have to pay up, if you had a therapist and health insurance.)

Does DD help with being afraid?

Postby BickaBecka » Sat Dec 05, 2009 9:11 pm

I'd hope it does, but I'm worried it doesn't. And of course, it's not available to me right now, so I don't suppose it would matter.

Does it help? When you just feel like the essence of your existence is fear? When you're afraid to speak, afraid to move. When just walking across the room makes you scared. When it's an effort to even speak. And you wonder if there's anything at all that could make it better...

Is anyone else this screwed up? Is there a way to make it better?
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Re: Does DD help with being afraid?

Postby little_butterfly » Sun Dec 06, 2009 3:37 am

I think it does. Because you know that someone loves you so much that he or she is "behind" you at all times, even when not physically there. I can relate to what you are talking about. Without those feelings of safety and security of knowing my Daddy is always there for me, I have a very hard time not being afraid. Maybe some people would frown upon having such a "safety net" but I've already proved to myself that I CAN handle anything, if I must; I'd just much rather have my Daddy there to catch me if I need it. :)
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Re: Does DD help with being afraid?

Postby G.D. » Sun Dec 06, 2009 9:43 am

I think it does too - perhaps not so much from my perspective but from listening to the bottoms on here and of course Girl, there does seem to be a relationship between ttwd and security.

It makes me very sad to hear you describe yourself as "so screwed up". If you were my bottom you would be soundly spanked .... !

Seriously though - you may have problems, the like of which I may not be able to understand. But you are also many other wonderful things .........

I experienced some anxiety a few years ago which led to agoraphobia - I was afraid then - everything seemed catastrophoric. If I walked downstairs I could fall and bang my head, then I would be lying there for days before anyone found me etc.... I used to feel trapped a lot of the time which really panicked me.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that you are not alone and that DD does help - because if nothing else it gives you something positive and pleasurable. I hope this is of some consolation.
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Re: Does DD help with being afraid?

Postby JigsawAnalogy » Sun Dec 06, 2009 10:22 am

for me, it does and it doesn't help.

it's helped, as others have mentioned, by giving that safety net and sense of security. it's also helped by giving me ways of separating the past and the present, and helping me to get more in touch with where my fears are actually coming from.

but at the same time, i think that ttwd can sometimes trigger anxiety, or at least, become the focus of existing anxiety. will w continue to be there for me? if i allow myself to trust her, will that be a bad choice? (when) is she going to change her mind about taking care of me? am i allowing myself to be too weak?

and then there's the specific triggering that happens if either w or i comes to ttwd without being very grounded. over the years, there have been several times when a punishment was deeply triggering for me, and being triggered feels a lot worse than my general anxiety levels.

and, honestly, there are some fears i've got that i just have to wrestle through on my own. w can help me, friends can help me, my therapist can help me, but i really do just have to face up to them and cope with them. but having support makes it easier to kind of work through that. but no amount of punishment is going to get me, say, into the dentist. there's a level where i need to be able to cope with the fear myself.

in some ways, i think ttwd can help as a kind of cognitive therapy--learning to be conscious of my thought patterns and behaviors, and to think about what i'm doing before i act on it. and it can help me to be more grounded, which gives me a firmer platform for then addressing the fear.

so that's what i think, at least as of this morning. :)
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Re: Does DD help with being afraid?

Postby bodack » Sun Dec 06, 2009 10:26 am

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Re: Does DD help with being afraid?

Postby InControl » Sun Dec 06, 2009 3:56 pm

Hi Bec

It's a difficult one to answer really as everyone's fear is personal to them and I don't know you well enough to understand what frightens you. I can only relate to me and Nick in that she feels much more safe and secure if I am a very strong top who looks after her and keeps her in check. If I am very strict with the DD side she is much calmer and feels able to do more things. It's especially important at the moment as due to her mental/physical health problems she is prone to have panic attacks if in crowded places or if she has to deal with people in any depth. Some of the fears you describe sound very like Nicks.

And I don't think you are screwed up as lots of people have fears like this. I've experienced similar fears, especially when I was younger, when I dreaded having to socialise with people or walk into a party,often leaving early because I couldn't cope with it all. Then going through the hating myself senareo and wishing I was someone else who could cope and talk with confidence.

I hope you continue to post and that you get some comfort from the replies as I'm sure you will find many tops as well as bottoms sho share your fears.

Take care
IC

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Re: Does DD help with being afraid?

Postby Homeatlast » Sun Dec 06, 2009 4:17 pm

Bec

hugs. I'm writing you via pm
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Re: Does DD help with being afraid?

Postby BickaBecka » Sun Dec 06, 2009 5:53 pm

First, I'd like to thank everyone for responding, and to those who sent me PMs.

I'm glad to hear that for most people, DD does help. At the time of posting that message, I was still rather scared, and I'm less so today. I was just worried... my ex before G would hug me when I got scared, and not only didn't it help, it often made me feel worse. It was like the kind intent didn't break through the mental shields, and so all it did was scare me. Of course, I'd think DD would be better at reassuring that one is safe. At least in my case.

Oh, and GD? If I might (at my own peril) meerkat? I did consider writing something along the lines of "don't read this if you don't like reading an incoherent jumble of nerves". But then, I thought "this is a mental health forum, if they don't want to read that, they shouldn't come in here". So I didn't post it. The statement about my being screwed up is merely a statement of fact, acknowledging that I have a problem.

Anyway... I think I could really use a safety net at the moment. But, I'm still going to keep posting, even if it's difficult at times :) I am honestly surprised that so many people know what I'm talking about though... *hugs everyone* I'm so sorry you've been through this.
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Re: Does DD help with being afraid?

Postby G.D. » Sun Dec 06, 2009 6:05 pm

My apologies .....
'Tis quite true - you say you are screwed up - then screwed up you be. Who am I to disagree - just wanted to say something nice.
:confused:
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Re: Does DD help with being afraid?

Postby BickaBecka » Sun Dec 06, 2009 6:28 pm

I'm sorry, Sir... I didn't mean it like that.
Please forgive me.
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Re: Does DD help with being afraid?

Postby G.D. » Mon Dec 07, 2009 3:56 am

Forgiven. ;)
But soundly spanked. :hairbrush:

*hugs*
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Re: Does DD help with being afraid?

Postby BickaBecka » Mon Dec 07, 2009 4:20 am

Thank you, Sir. I think I need it.

*hugs back*
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