I have been tempted to write something about this for a while now .... but, oh, I do not know, seemed like some sort of betrayal. But I have asked Girl if it is ok and I think it might help me if I try and communicate what the
is like from my end. Girl also told me about a post she made in the batcave which has also acted as a spur.
I have known Girl for nearly 8 years now and from the very off she told me about the BP ... but we were living 100 miles apart then ... I was prolonging my youth by being an eternal student, it did not seem to matter.
BP is episodic .... most of the time Girl is very well; the fiercly clever, well read, witty, anarchic, loyal, generous, kind woman I chose to be with .... but there are other times, when the mood takes over, and this can be a high or low. A high usually comes first (the low naturally follows) - during these uptimes the intensity levels of everything go through the roof .... and thus anything that is a stimulus should be treated with care as it can ramp Girl's thoughts & feelings up even further .... she is being a very good girl and doing her best to remove stimulation. Me, GD, our ttwd relationship & this board all count as stimulants. Hence Girl's lack of activity ... hence Girl's tendancy to preface posts with
The BP bears affect the way she sees things ... her minds runs so much quicker than usual .... there is paranoia, delusion. I know that ttwd can help with a lot of mental health problems, but it is my considered opinion that it does not help either of us when the BP is such a prevalent force. Dynamics do change between us when Girl is ill ... and I become friend much more than anything ... I have to be the emotional punchbag - and this is fine I am strong enough to do this - but this is not compatible with ttwd. I once made a promise to Girl that I would never take ttwd away from her .... I never break my promises ... but if I gave her what she wants now I would also be breaking the promise to look after her.
I am sorry that it hurts her so much not to be engaging with it ... but I think this is one those times where a Top really does know best.