has anyone else had HPV?

[pinecone]

We were just getting really excited about TTWD when I got this terrifying call from my gynecologist saying that I have high grade cell abnormalities on my cervix. this is caused by a sexually transmitted virus called HPV which I've had for at least 3 years, and now I finally need to have the cells scraped off my cervix with a hot wire tool. doctors say there is no way of being able to tell who gave you the virus, but I just have this awful feeling that It was a Dom I had a relationship with 5 years ago. so psychologically I am feeling very grossed out by the ideas of submission (which is how I ended up with this damn virus) and sex (which was ecstatically great up until I got this call). Actually I'm so upset and depressed and I have just been lying in bed all day every day since I found out. I'm technically allowed to have sex until the procedure, which is ten days from now, but I don't feel like doing anything erotic because I feel gross. And I don't want discipline, I don't think. And afterwards I have to abstain from sex for 4 weeks. No heavy lifting or serious exercise, so I'm guessing spanking is a bad idea too.

D says he is still in control, still making the rules, and that part of that is taking care of me in this difficult time. He is being really lovely, and I know we'll get through this, but it feels like such a major setback when we were doing so well with our relationship, which was already great but just really blooming even more from the introduction of DD.

On top of everything, I am tempted to call this Dom and tell him that he should be responsible for his submissives and wear a condom. I'm angry because women have to go through this and he is just out gallivanting around with his booze and cigarettes and vulnerable young girls without a care in the world. Why isn't there more education about this disease? Oh right, because it only affects women. If little slices of penis were being hot-wired off on a daily basis, I bet we'd have heard about it. But sorry for the rant. I'm not feeling so great, obviously....

[PrttyinPnk]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now. I've never been diagnosed with HPV, but I'm sure its scary and frustrating.

But men do suffer from HPV. It causes anal and penile cancer, and it can cause oral cancer for men as well. I wouldn't call him and confront him unless you are CERTAIN he is responsible. There's no point talking to someone that you've successfully rid yourself of if you don't have to.

[pinecone]

I know.... logically I know you're right. thank you for replying. i know men suffer from hpv, it's just way less common. not that i'm wishing cancer on anyone. anyway, i'm really trying not to. i could have caught this anywhere, but i think i'm looking for some way to have control over the situation, or some concrete answers- which is not possibly going to ever happen. so i guess i just need to wait for this all to pass.

[Eayore]

Sorry to hear about this, pinecone. We did have HPV (both of us, as I suppose is usual) and the physical consequences were rather more dramatic for P than for me. I am sorry to say P had a procedure which sounds similar to what you describe; I had some liquid to apply every day for so many days.

I hope you can soon put this all behind you.

[altbob]

I'm going to get my girls shot up with the vaccine once they reach the right age. I am sorry you are going through this.

[PrttyinPnk]

I *just* missed the age group to get vaccinated. I've been in a monogamous relationship for a while so I tell myself I'm relatively safe....but then the imps in my brain tell me I could possibly get it off a public toilet seat.......

[Desperate4Discipline]

Pinecone,

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm glad D is still in control and not backing down. Hang in there.

[pinecone]

public toilet seat?!?!?! EEWWW. no, i don't think that's possible. is it? no. i don't think so. yeah, the vaccine is definitely worth doing for anyone with kids. I even think boys can get it, but i'm not 100% sure. Eayore, is P okay now? did her procedure cure her? one of my biggest fears is recurrence.

D is definitely being awesome, and one of the things he has done is restrict my internet time to barely anything because i was googling horror stories. as a result, i am feeling much better today. and i have learned something about the value of DD outside of just punishments, etc. I really feel taken care of.

[altbob]

Good to hear! I'm glad you are really getting what you should be out of this.

[Eayore]

Thanks for asking. P is fine now. This was over 20 years ago and there has never been any recurrence.

[pinecone]

Aww, you guys have been together a while...

[altbob]

@Eeyore - Wow! 20 years! I didn't know just how tolerant she was! I assume she'll be a fast track canonization candidate.
Seriously though, congrats. I've been with my wife 10 or 11 years. Married for 8. We're happy. Everyone in my family is divorced, or miserable. Or both, usually. So I know I'm doing something wrong, but I'm going to try to keep messing up and being happy.
I look forward to telling people we've been together 20 years as you can now.
Do they even have anniversary gifts for 20 years and above? Or is it just unicorns and other impossible things, like being happily married 20 years? That's an honest question

[W-Jigsaw'sBoss]

Not to hijack the post, but I think ttwd is a great marriage aid. Not to be confused with "marital aids", which can certainly be used in conjunction with ttwd.

[carelijon]

I know what you mean about not wanting sex and feeling depressed. Before my husband and I started TTWD, I cheated with a complete scumbag who raped me and left me with an STD. For a few months afterwards, I didn't even want to touch myself there because I felt so gross. I felt like my life was over. But, eventually, I started feeling a little better every day. It does feel better. It just takes a while.

[pinecone]

Thanks Carelijon. That sounds horrible. It's so hard not to dwell on past mistakes. I'm glad to hear you were able to move beyond your experience with the scumbag. My virus is so weird in that it kind of pops back up and reminds me again about my scumbag experience just when I'd thought I was over it. BUT hopefully that's in the past now, because:

I just had my LEEP procedure to remove the bad cells off my cervix. It was really no big deal at all! The worrying beforehand was BY FAR the worst part. I did find out that burning cervix smells like fritos, but I'm not a squeamish person and I didn't have any pain so I'm happy. The Dr. said there's a 90% chance I'm done with this stuff for good.

Now recovery on the other hand.... NO swimming for a week (but it's july! ) NO sex or tampons for 3-4 weeks ( ) and i usually ride my bike everywhere so I'm probably going to have to wait until I'm healed to do that, too, which means I'll have to take the horrible subway everywhere. Most importantly, I wish I felt comfortable asking my doc when it's okay to receive spankings again! But anyway TTWD as we knew it is pretty much on hold. I'm feeling so emotional and since we're so new to TTWD it's too much of a complication to our disciplinary structure.